to think that it's completely bonkers to want a large family?

[slightlystunned]

I read a recent thread where a mom is contemplating having a 4th child and the responses were largely (and cautiously) supportive.

If she had asked the same question to someone from my country, she would have been considered a freak.

I come from a country that is struggling with over-population and poverty and a large % of crime and thus a lot of orphans / abandoned children. I am also enough of an environmental nut to realise that 2+ children or 4+ humans per household means more consumption of natural and artificial resources.

And, face it, in the western culture the child leaves home at 18. The rude behavior and ingratitude and f&ck off attitude starts well before that, around 13, 14 years? So I genuinely don't understand why one would sacrifice their best years & money for that relatively short period of time (13+years), to bring up 3+ children, who may or may not stay together, or keep in touch with you, or worse, hurt you. I have lived extensively in US and Europe, and ALL the families I know see their children only during holidays, about once a year. In fact, one of my British-born, Caucasian friends is in deep emotional and financial crisis and none of her 5 siblings have time to spend with her, they are all well off and can help her, but they politely looking the other way while she a single mom is struggling with a day job.

This is not just a one-time observation, even the people in my acquaintances who have good relationship with their siblings or parents do not help out, saying that "I can't be involved, I have my own life to lead". So if large families do not teach other to help each other, what else is the purpose?

In my grandmother's generation, it was common to have 6 or 8 or even 10 children every household. More children was sign of ""manliness" and ""fertility"

In my mother's generation, 2 and 3 were common. 4 was considered slightly overdose.

In my generation, just one or at the most, 2 seems to be enough. And the trend right now in my country is to have one ""womb" child and one "heart" child (adopted). Which is fairly a good idea, considering the number of orphans and destitute children in the world.

So my two questions are: 1. is this what it is in the West - a trend, a statement to say that "I am a domestic goddess" and have a large family? Do people actually realise the social, financial and emotional consequences of having a large family in today's world?

1. If there is any other valid reason, why this craze to have children from own "blood"? If a person is lucky enough to have financial security and the means to raise another child, why not share it with a child from "outside" who is not so fortunate?

I don't wish to hurt any one, I have been plagued by these questions for many years. I just want some perspective. I am not married, nor do I have children.

Blackberryice and others,
Like most humans, I have only two hands. I am not going to fall on my face and try answering all the (abusive, cynical, contemptuous) questions. If you want to get answers so badly, remember - patience is a virtue.

NameChangeGalore,
Please point it out to me where exactly have I said in my OP that "all Indians have one womb child and one heart child?"

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-13264301

well this report shows its still a major problem as do the census studies carried out recently in india.

I take it back op, you don't sound like a twunt. You are a condescending cunt.
"Patienc is a virtue" fucks sake

Every family I know are close to their children, my you gets sister is still at home (25) and my middle sister would love nothing better than to live Falcons crest style with a wing each (she's 36).

I am married to an Asian man, his family are traditional and all live at home, there were five siblings. My mother in law once told me she was glad that though DH didn't have a village wife I was from a good family who were close like Asians not like the British".

Her opinion was bigoted, unfounded and wrong, it was just what get culture believed of the British, she has never really mixed to know better so can be forgiven, you however if your post is true have and therefore have no excuse for your stereotyping.

Dammit. Patience that should be.

Bloody phone

www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/may/24/india-families-aborting-girl-babies

another study that shows it is still a problem.

you didnt say all families but you did say it was the 'trend' for your generation to have one child and adopt another. therefore implying that it was the majority who do this.

And the trend right now in my country is to have one ""womb" child and one "heart" child (adopted).

trend would mean a lot of people are doing this, so surely this would mean less homeless children?

Governments don't adopt.
They warehouse.

Please answer my questions about the age of the heart children
The one about the surrogacy industry would be a bonus.
And as you are ingoring my questions....what the hell...how do you feel about the lack of regulation in the fertility business? Why do the elderly couples having ivf not pick up some little heart babies instead of trying to give birth in their 50s and 60s?

Patience for what? You are talking rubbish

And you are rude

I'm trying not to be picky OP, and what you make of what's behind female infanticide is interesting, but blaming the western media for 'blowing it out of proportion' suggests you think it shouldn't be reported to a wider world audience.

They're not sensationalising the issue, people pick up on it because it's such a shocking thing to happen for the reasons you've stated.

What you're really saying is that we only think it's outrageous because we're told to by the media.

i would like to see the response the op got if you asked to adopt in the uk saying she wanted a 'heart' baby as well as a 'womb' baby...

Well I have been waiting an hour for answers to my questions directly related to your op
Op

I can only conclude that you wrote a lad of ill informed tosh and are completely unable to back it up with fact.

Awww

'And I'm glad nobody has reproduced with you.... Pity any children you may have, though at this rate it seems unlikely as you are getting on now'

Ouch Blackberry.

Throw a bun with razors in why don't you?

Tbf though MrsD, we've all had ill thought out AIBU thread moments

Only way to learn though.

I know 4 couples - all in their early 30s, who have adopted a second child. Knowing 4 couples within the same circle of acquaintance (these 4 couples do not know each other) adopting is not a typical statistic, especially in India (where, as somebody said, one would rather be childless than adopt). It is an example of a growing trend, of changing times.

Just like how somebody said here than not all families have 3+ children, only a few.

This whole thread reminds me of this incident at school. I once, after a sports class, told a friend that she smelled badly. Immediately she retorted, oh yeah, so do you, in fact you smell even more badly. And she slapped me for telling her that she smelled! It was as if she hit me hard enough, the fact that she smelled would be forgotten.

Funny you never leave high school, eh?

For those "I WANT ANSWERS RIGHT NOW" people with so many questions about India, please open your own new thread with your questions and I will answer them - if I have time.

Well yes
But this one is rather spectacular

And it is pretty offensive
AND
She said 'heart children and womb children'

this I cannot forgive

:)

No love, threads about threads are against the rules.... Like this thread is

I don't think over an hour is 'right now'

And you told someone they smelled?
Do you get slapped a lot?

And why would you think that I have said "shitty things about a whole country"? There is NOTHING insulting about the UK, or any country, in my OP.

Though looking at the rising violent and abusive replies here, perhaps I should start now.