to think that it's completely bonkers to want a large family?

[slightlystunned]

I read a recent thread where a mom is contemplating having a 4th child and the responses were largely (and cautiously) supportive.

If she had asked the same question to someone from my country, she would have been considered a freak.

I come from a country that is struggling with over-population and poverty and a large % of crime and thus a lot of orphans / abandoned children. I am also enough of an environmental nut to realise that 2+ children or 4+ humans per household means more consumption of natural and artificial resources.

And, face it, in the western culture the child leaves home at 18. The rude behavior and ingratitude and f&ck off attitude starts well before that, around 13, 14 years? So I genuinely don't understand why one would sacrifice their best years & money for that relatively short period of time (13+years), to bring up 3+ children, who may or may not stay together, or keep in touch with you, or worse, hurt you. I have lived extensively in US and Europe, and ALL the families I know see their children only during holidays, about once a year. In fact, one of my British-born, Caucasian friends is in deep emotional and financial crisis and none of her 5 siblings have time to spend with her, they are all well off and can help her, but they politely looking the other way while she a single mom is struggling with a day job.

This is not just a one-time observation, even the people in my acquaintances who have good relationship with their siblings or parents do not help out, saying that "I can't be involved, I have my own life to lead". So if large families do not teach other to help each other, what else is the purpose?

In my grandmother's generation, it was common to have 6 or 8 or even 10 children every household. More children was sign of ""manliness" and ""fertility"

In my mother's generation, 2 and 3 were common. 4 was considered slightly overdose.

In my generation, just one or at the most, 2 seems to be enough. And the trend right now in my country is to have one ""womb" child and one "heart" child (adopted). Which is fairly a good idea, considering the number of orphans and destitute children in the world.

So my two questions are: 1. is this what it is in the West - a trend, a statement to say that "I am a domestic goddess" and have a large family? Do people actually realise the social, financial and emotional consequences of having a large family in today's world?

1. If there is any other valid reason, why this craze to have children from own "blood"? If a person is lucky enough to have financial security and the means to raise another child, why not share it with a child from "outside" who is not so fortunate?

I don't wish to hurt any one, I have been plagued by these questions for many years. I just want some perspective. I am not married, nor do I have children.

I am extremely curious how the op has decided that mrsdevere's job is boring from this threa, how very bizarre.

I'm not sure were your thinking or views have come from but it is actually very difficult to adopt in the UK and correct me if I'm wrong but babies are usually prioritised to families with no children not parents with one biological child already? A lot of children in our care system have had a very tough time and are emotionally damaged so I highly doubt that anybody would take on a child to follow a trend? They do it out of care and compassion for others. Social services do everything they can too keep a child with the mother or within blood family or friends. God bless you you have got it all so so wrong. Oh and the comment about 13 year olds having there hands down each others pants, this is very stereotypical towards the culture of our children and how would you of actually seen this? You have come to the wrong place to bring your distorted views and comments.

Isn't the UK rate something like 1.8 children per woman, instead of 2.4, actually? Sure I read that somewhere.

I can't drive so I am always getting buses, and I have never once seen 13-year-olds putting their hands down each other's pants. Maybe you are just living in a particularly unsavoury part of the UK?

Anyway I have three children and would love another, and I do not regard it as a sacrifice - being a Mum is all I ever wanted to do. I seem to have the knack of making particularly sweet, adorable and generally well-behaved little children - they are my gift to the world! And there's no way they're leaving home at 18 - I'm hoping they will all get good jobs and then we can all chip in together and share a fabulous stately home somewhere!!!

link for my own question

Apparently it was an average of 1.9 children per woman in 2010.

Well I think it's o.k. if you can afford them. And are also able to give each individual attention and yes, adoption is a wonderful thing, where they are born in your heart, rather than your tummy (so sweet)! . I am an only child, I want just one child.....no, I'm not in China, it's all I can really afford tbh. Things are so expensive these days, buy one thing that's your income gone for the week! and the population of U.K. is rising I believe so it wouldn't hurt that either. The less people there are, the more to go around. But it's everyones choice. I know India, China etc. have a HUGE problem with unwanted baby girls but it now seems like people are using that and throwing it at them when not everyone does it!, it's a weapon to chuck at them!. We all have things we're proud of and things we aren't in every country in the world.