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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that I have pissed off FIL?

118 replies

sleepychunky · 23/08/2012 19:45

DS1 is having a sleepover at his grandparents house tonight. I texted MIL to say that it would be great if they could collect him after 7.15 (once DS1 is in bed) so that DS2 doesn't know he's gone out and gets all upset (they are very close and DS2 doesn't like it when DS1 isn't there).
At 7.10 FIL appeared at the door and I said that we weren't ready yet as DS2 was still up and we were just finishing our bedtime routine, which is the only way we can get DS2 to go upstairs and settle easily (he's 2.8). I asked him if he could just wait in the car for 5 minutes whilst I got DS2 upstairs. If FIL had come in at that point it would have completely excited DS2 and he wouldn't have gone happily to bed for at least another half an hour, maybe more. FIL stropped off and went home again, and then I got a text from MIL a few minutes later. She turned up at about 7.20 to collect DS1.
FIL is now in a big strop (he is renowned for being the world's biggest sulker) but I really don't think I did anything wrong, yet I'm feeling really crap. AIBU for thinking if I said come after 7.15, he should have come after 7.15? They know how difficult it is to get DS2 to bed and that we have a pretty strong routine when interruptions are really not helpful.
Sorry, this is actually really trivial but I really hate it when I have annoyed people but I don't think it is my fault. I know FIL is going to be sulky with me for days (we see them nearly every day and DH is spending the whole day there tomorrow shifting pots in their garden).

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 23/08/2012 19:47

They were having your DS for the night and you sent FIL out because he was five minutes early?

Yes, YWBU.

You need to apologise.

CareerChangeMum · 23/08/2012 19:48

He sounds childish. Ignore - don't let him manipulate you like this.

Kbear · 23/08/2012 19:49

you should have started his bed time routine earlier perhaps - just go round there and explain it to FIL and say hope you didn't upset him.

ginmakesitallok · 23/08/2012 19:50

YWBU and should apologise to FIL - couldn't you just have let him wait in the house?? Confused

HeathRobinson · 23/08/2012 19:50

YANBU.

Wowserz129 · 23/08/2012 19:50

I agree I think it's really quite rude to ask FIL to wait in the car until 7.15 (he was only 5 mins early) when he is taking your child for the night.

IawnCont · 23/08/2012 19:50

You were being unreasonable, yes. You sent him to sit in the car ffs. That's pretty rude. I know routine is important for some children but you can't let it dictate everything.

ginmakesitallok · 23/08/2012 19:51

He sounds childish??? Put yourself in his position - you are taking your grandchild overnight, you arrive 5 mins early to pick child up and are told to go and wait in the car??? I think he was pretty restrained!

HeathRobinson · 23/08/2012 19:51

I can't believe fil is sulking like this. Hasn't he got a watch? Wink

coldcupoftea · 23/08/2012 19:52

YANBU, you only asked him to wait in the car for 5 mins it's not the biggest hardship in the world!

phantomnamechanger · 23/08/2012 19:52

I think being 5 minutes early is not a lot - its not like he came 20 mins too soon - IMO you should have left more time between the end of your routine and the pick up, so there was no chance of DS2 being disturbed and getting excited.

That said, FIL should have understood the situation and waited not gone off in a sulk.

GnocchiNineDoors · 23/08/2012 19:52

So, how long are you going to keep up this pussy footing around DS2?

picnicbasketcase · 23/08/2012 19:53

For the sake of just five minutes, was there nowhere he could sit quietly in the house while you got your DS2 to bed without him getting overexcited? I agree he shouldn't have gone home again in a bad mood, but you shouldn't have sent him out to the car either.

Yama · 23/08/2012 19:54

I hate sulkers - YANBU.

Shakey1500 · 23/08/2012 19:54

YABU and sorry, a bit precious and ridiculous to ask him to wait in the car. It would be better if your DS2 got used to interruptions and difference in routines, you can't routine him forever. And all for what, an extra half an hour or so? Yes, I think you need to put a sheepish hat on and offer an apology.

Moominhunter · 23/08/2012 19:55

YABU. Wait in the car? Rude.

lurkedtoolong · 23/08/2012 19:56

YWbothBU. You asked for him to arrive at a specific time for a reason (although you could have helped things by getting DS2 to bed earlier) but he was only 5 minutes early so it wouldn't have been a disaster to let him him. But he was BU to strop off. You both need to grow up and apologise.

phantomnamechanger · 23/08/2012 19:57

I think your request was NBU in the circumstances - a grandparent turning up in the house when a 2.8 yo is about to go to bed is going to cause mayhem, i totally get that - they will want to know who was at the door, who did they hear come into the house talking to you , then they will be downstairs for cuddles/chat/play and not at all ready for bed! much easier to fob them off with saying it was a delivery for the wrong house or something.

this is why you should have left more time to get him off to bed before the pick up.

Original poster
sleepychunky · 23/08/2012 19:57

Like I said, if FIL had come in and DS2 had seen him, it would have been at least another half an hour before DS2 would have gone upstairs. I thought that asking him to wait for 5 minutes in the car would be better than him coming in and then having to wait at least half an hour before he could take DS1 away.
I did apologise to MIL when she came to collect DS1, and the last thing I wanted to do was to offend FIL but the DSs were both driving me absolutely mad by this point after a whole day of bickering and stupidity and I needed to just get bedtime finished without any additional excitement/distractions.
I just thought that if someone asks you to come after a certain time then there is a reason for that. Maybe IABU after all.

OP posts:
Viperidae · 23/08/2012 19:58

YABVU he has come to collect your son and you make him sit in the car!! Very rude. You should have started DS2s bedtime earlier or told him a later time to allow some leeway. If he had turned up an hour early and sulked it would be different but 5 minutes FFS.

HeadfirstOverTheHighJump · 23/08/2012 19:59

He's unreasonable to strop and sulk but you were a little rude too. It was only 5 minutes early, if those 5 minutes are so crucial you should have asked him to come around at 7.30.

WelshMaenad · 23/08/2012 19:59

YANBU. If DS2 got all hyped up because FIL appeared, it would have been you who would have had to deal with him. I'm assuming his car is pretty comfy, it's not like you asked him to wait in the fucking toilette for christ's sake.

He's being a sulky twat, my MIL is one. The only way to deal with them is to act completely brazenly normal, ignore the sulk, and if they bring it up, say "oh, you aren't still sore about THAT? You know I didn't intend to be rude, chill out!" then go back to ignoring the sulk. It's the only way to break them of the attention seeking bollocks.

FallenCaryatid · 23/08/2012 20:00

YWBU, why didn't you start putting your DS2 to bed a bit earlier? It's not as if he can tell the time.
Let's hope the pleasure of your DS1's company improves the situation, you were rude to your FIL and it mattered to him.
I'd have waited happily in the car, my sister would have been pissed off and gone. Different people have different ideas as to what good manners involves.

FallenCaryatid · 23/08/2012 20:01

'I thought that asking him to wait for 5 minutes in the car would be better than him coming in and then having to wait at least half an hour before he could take DS1 away.'

Your 2 year old is in charge?

ThePigOnTheWall · 23/08/2012 20:03

I think you were quite rude tbh