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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off that I have pissed off FIL?

118 replies

sleepychunky · 23/08/2012 19:45

DS1 is having a sleepover at his grandparents house tonight. I texted MIL to say that it would be great if they could collect him after 7.15 (once DS1 is in bed) so that DS2 doesn't know he's gone out and gets all upset (they are very close and DS2 doesn't like it when DS1 isn't there).
At 7.10 FIL appeared at the door and I said that we weren't ready yet as DS2 was still up and we were just finishing our bedtime routine, which is the only way we can get DS2 to go upstairs and settle easily (he's 2.8). I asked him if he could just wait in the car for 5 minutes whilst I got DS2 upstairs. If FIL had come in at that point it would have completely excited DS2 and he wouldn't have gone happily to bed for at least another half an hour, maybe more. FIL stropped off and went home again, and then I got a text from MIL a few minutes later. She turned up at about 7.20 to collect DS1.
FIL is now in a big strop (he is renowned for being the world's biggest sulker) but I really don't think I did anything wrong, yet I'm feeling really crap. AIBU for thinking if I said come after 7.15, he should have come after 7.15? They know how difficult it is to get DS2 to bed and that we have a pretty strong routine when interruptions are really not helpful.
Sorry, this is actually really trivial but I really hate it when I have annoyed people but I don't think it is my fault. I know FIL is going to be sulky with me for days (we see them nearly every day and DH is spending the whole day there tomorrow shifting pots in their garden).

OP posts:

squoosh · 23/08/2012 20:43

Oh there's a special place in hell for sulkers.

A couple of levels below noisy eaters, a couple of levels above Genghis Khan.

TidyDancer · 23/08/2012 20:44

Talking about your FIL's previous sulks won't help you tbh. You were wrong and I hope you won't do it to him again. I don't blame your FIL for getting into a sulk on this occasion, you were very rude to him.

As other posters have said, if you anticipated this being such a big problem, you should've just asked him to do a later pick up, not expected that he'd read your mind and interpret exactly what you meant.

SugarBatty · 23/08/2012 20:45

Hide the thread and go have a or or kettle chip!

Justme23 · 23/08/2012 20:48

OP if your FIL is aware of your ds's routine then he should have turned up at the right time.

Personally I would have ushered him into the kitchen/ lounge until things were sorted with ds but that can't be helped now, you've had a stressful day, everyone has moments sometimes.

What would be best is to just explain to FIL ( make him listen) that you were stressed and not thinking clearly.

If he wants to be a child after an apology then that's up to him. You have done your best.

(certainly don't think this thread is quite deserving of a character assassination, I'm sure you are lovely OP)

ovenchips · 23/08/2012 20:51

Can someone pleeeeease explain why DS2 cannot just be told his brother's having a sleepover and prepared accordingly? My family circs are different so this scenario does not come up. I'm not being sarcastic just puzzled.

InkyBinky · 23/08/2012 20:52

sugerbatty. Hide the thread and go have a or or kettle chip!

Some of the best advice ever given on MN, I think I might do that myself.

InkyBinky · 23/08/2012 20:53

Ohh copy and paste fail

FuckityFuckFuck · 23/08/2012 20:53

squoosh Genghis Khan was actually a fair, if ruthless, man and did a lot of good, so I would think sulkers are at a much lower level than he is

Sulkers are only just above people that are noisy in the cinema, which is the very lowest level of all

FuckityFuckFuck · 23/08/2012 20:55

Oh, and OP YABU.

It's a massive PITA but it was only 5 minutes. He could have set his watch ahead of you, left early cos he had to go to a shop on the way.

But hey ho, you've apologised via MIL, if he wants to sulk for 3 decades over it, let him

squoosh · 23/08/2012 20:56

I will promote Genghis immediately! Josef Stalin may be a bit lonely now though. But he's got people who don't cover their mouths when they sneeze to keep him company.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 23/08/2012 20:56

I have 4 DC's and often when one of the older ones is doing something the younger ones moan that it's not fair. They are told pretty clearly that we all take a turn in our family doing lots of different things and this time it's not their turn. Life isn't fair so suck it up.

NameChangeGalore · 23/08/2012 20:57

Oh the horror! He was FIVE minutes early! How fucking inconsiderate .

Yes you were unreasonable and rude.

You need to stop shielding your ds2 from the harsh realities of life. Ridiculous you sent your fil to the car.

FuckityFuckFuck · 23/08/2012 20:57

Who has to suffer people that eat with their mouths open?. I need to know, so I avoid that level at all costs

squoosh · 23/08/2012 20:58

I think they are located on the shelf that has a space waiting for Noel Edmonds.

Floggingmolly · 23/08/2012 20:58

Why was ds1 going for a sleepover at his actual bedtime?
I thought the objective of a sleepover was a bit of a jolly, continuing until bedtime, not walking in the door and going straight to bed. What's the point?

PicklesThePottyMouthedParrot · 23/08/2012 20:59

Right you've said sorry, if he drags it out he is a childish man.

And I would then start getting pissed off with him.

FuckityFuckFuck · 23/08/2012 20:59

That's alright then. There is no way I'm ending up in the same space as Noel

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 23/08/2012 21:06

Yes YABU, but it seems you accept that and have apologised, so well done.

Now get off this thread and go and enjoy your childfree night otherwise saving the 30 mins bedtime palaver will have been a complete waste of time if you spend the time talking about it on AIBU instead.

heather1 · 23/08/2012 21:08

Maybe it is not the situation but it sounds a little like DS2 is in charge. You posted "it would have been at least another half an hour before DS2 would have gone upstairs"
If DS2 refuses to go upstairs after Fil pops in to collect DS1 then you as the parent pick up DS2 and carry him up the stairs and pop him in the bath. End of.
Routines are understandable but mabe Fil will not be so keen on sleepovers if he is not allowed in the house if he arrives a little earlier than allowed.

Shelly32 · 23/08/2012 21:11

Hmm. I have two girls that have to have a regimented bed time routine. ANDI have a FIL who sulks and tantrums worse than the girls at times (nothing I've ever caused...yet). I empathise with OP. Childish men are pretty pathetic. Waiting in the car is not a big deal. Turning up at the time you requested is not a big deal. However, maybe starting the routine earlier might have been a good idea (although some kids do know when it's 'not time'.!!)

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 23/08/2012 21:23

Do people really consider turning up at 7.10 for a 7.15 pickup early? Really? I mean, you don't allow for the fact that someone's clock might be five minutes out compared to yours? I think 5 minutes is a ridiculous margin of time by which to deem someone early or late.

brighteyedbusytailed · 23/08/2012 21:29

I think YABU
to ask him wait in the car, I would have opened the door whispering asking him to sneak quietly in. less offensive that way.

However , a grown man sulking YANBU.

JudysDreamHorse · 23/08/2012 21:40

OP I must be v rude too as I think YANBU though I guess it depends how you asked him. If you said very politely you were sorry and would he mind waiting in the car for 5 minutes then I think that is ok. I can't really believe people find this so rude especially between family. If it was a friend visiting for dinner then that might be a different matter but surely that's the kind of thing you can say to family?

Floggingmolly · 23/08/2012 21:46

Who could actually time a journey to the precise second, anyway? If I'd arrived somewhere with 5 minutes to spare, it honestly wouldn't occur to me to skulk outside till the bell rings.
I also can't believe bedtime in your house is so regimented that 5 minutes either way could make or break your evening. I asked earlier, btw - why was he going for a sleepover at bedtime anyway?

feebeecat · 23/08/2012 22:05

As someone who had a pretty regimented bedtime routine with my twins, I can sympathise. I would say he was pretty lucky not to be left standing on the doorstep - I stopped for no one in those days!!
And to those who ask if your youngest is ruling the house, at that age mine sure did - I would do anything to get them down on time and not have to suffer the consequences the following day - now, five years on, they go to bed fine when told, so it doesn't last.
Mind, I do have a problem with people who can't tell the time, on my dds first birthday, we had gathering at home, starting 'about' 2pm - mil turned up at 10am while I was putting them down for a nap. Actually, she got left on doorstep now i think about it
YANBU

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