to be baffled why so many parents automatically give their DCs the fathers surname?

[mackereltin]

It baffles me as women have come so far in the last century but the one thing that still seems to be very much the norm is giving the fathers surname to children. It doesn't seem to be questioned very much by society in general but for me it just seems to be one of the biggest symbols of patriachy. Or am I just going on? :)

I'm particularly thinking about married couples as I know lots of unmarried couples double barrell. I'm genuinely interested to hear peoples point of view on this - AIBU?

Where the father had absolutely NO say in the naming of their child?!

Not exactly relationships into which in was sensible to introduce a child, then?

if we were going to do who was the most important in terms of caring for the child, then we shouild choose rthe mother's name - throughout history, the man has deposited his sperm and (usually) carried on working.
mother has borne that child for 9 months, then given birth to it, and fed it and cuddled it.

prime example of the role of fathers eroded.
Ok only a woman can give birth but where does that post acknowledge that fathers too can nurture a child?

My DB wanted our surname and sil wanted her. She over-rode him completely and wouldn't even consider double-barrelled, even though it's one that actually goes together really well.

My DFriend cheated on her DP when she was pregnant and is now with this man. The father ( who I feel v sorry for) has no choice as DFriend wants to marry her now partner and her dd have his name.

Your own friend didn't let her DP have any say whatsoever in the naming of their child?!

*had

No as she was already with her new partner.

Her ex is friends with my DP as we all used to be really close. Do you really think he'd want his child named after the man whom his partner cheated on him with??

My and DH's names double barreld is actually also the name of a rare disease.

Also, I think it's fine for kids to have their Dad's name, how else will they know who's dad is theirs?

I can tell you that for kids to have a different names it can be confusing.

I actually changed my name because it mattered to DH, he's the last of his family. And what difference does it make if I have my husbands name or my father's name, really?

I did want our names to be combined and made whole, but Fartman probably wouldn't go down so well!

I know someone who took the initiallsof both names, the sounds, and put the, together, as their names double barrelled was very pretentious and quite difficult to say. So, for example (not the real name) kacey (k and c). It worked well they both now have cool surname that is their together, and so do their children.

But men over-ride women on this score all the time. How many men willingly change their name to the women's on marriage? Don't see you feeling sorry for all those women, though...

The woman has a choice. The child doesn't.

Or the father in some cases.

And can you now see why I feel for some of these fathers?

I think it's fine for kids to have their Dad's name, how else will they know who's dad is theirs?

Ummmmm, because they'll recognise their face?

LST, sorry that sounds very grim, people do behave in hurtful ways. For the child, it's probably best that they're feeling loved and cared for.

I can see why you feel sorry for those particular men, but what about all the women whose surname choice is overridden. Do you also spend time feeling sorry for them?

well thats your relatives/friends, most people let their fathers have a say.

and actually for me for legal reason to do with my student finanaces at the time i NEEDED ds1 to have my name as well as dp's as when i applied for the extra funding i got for having a child they said that ds1 was the financial responsibilty of just dp (they assumed he only had dps surname) and they actually said to me that as he didnt have my name he wasnt my financial responsibilty!

i wanted my children to have my name, dp wanted them to have his name so that people knew they were his as well, so we double barreled, what the childrne do when they grow up and meet their own future partners is up to them :)

i just dont understand the assumption that fathers should AUTOMATICALLY hand their name to their children. they have two parents who should generally choose together. there are some circumstances where if the dad is a bit of a dick and the mum isnt married that i woudl say she has every right to just go and register the baby on her own and choose the name.

i could have gone and registered my 5 on my own as dp and i are not married, dp had to come with me to get his name on the birth certificate. makes sense to me

its crappy for either parent to ride roughshode over the other parents feelings but its what sometimes happens. we arent talking about that tho, we are talkign about the fact that it is GENERALLY ASSUMED that children will take their fathers surname. what is the reason for this?

Wellies of course I do.. It's just that sometimes the men need to be thought about too..

And that should be well yes..

Stupid iPad..

a womans surname choice is not overridden. She has a choice if she wants to change her name on marriage and if she finds a caveman who wont respect that choice then she also has the choice not to marry him.

Yy catspel

Yes, we must always remember the men.

I normally forget tbh nurse

I was just about to suggest that men can always change their surnames to those of their children. I'm looking for the flaw in my own argument.