to be baffled why so many parents automatically give their DCs the fathers surname?

[mackereltin]

It baffles me as women have come so far in the last century but the one thing that still seems to be very much the norm is giving the fathers surname to children. It doesn't seem to be questioned very much by society in general but for me it just seems to be one of the biggest symbols of patriachy. Or am I just going on? :)

I'm particularly thinking about married couples as I know lots of unmarried couples double barrell. I'm genuinely interested to hear peoples point of view on this - AIBU?

Het up?

Your the one being patronising my love.

Yes I know most do.

I am answering the op...

Linerunner I'm trying to say that unmarried mothers give the baby the father's name as a nod that he is still on the scene.

jumpingthroughmorehoops Woah there, that's pretty offensive. Are you implying that children can only be part of a family if they have their father's name?

You're right, I don't like it.

No of course they won't have anything to do with the woman who carried them for 9 months....

Jumping, I'm sure you don't mean to imply that children with lone parents don't have families.

Well LST you do sound pretty het up on behalf of the tiny amount of childen who don't have their father's surname. A bit odd.

Longjane that's what I was getting at. Hoping I just work with very old fashioned/judge people but sadly I think a lot of people still think this.

Double barreling can only work for one generation. What next. It can be bad enough with a dual family name system with common names. Countless Garcia Garicia's or Gomez Gomez or Sanchez Sanchez. I can imagine the middle class wannabee of England sounding like a solicitors firm within a generation.

^Your children will have YOUR fathers name. They won't have anything in their name to do with their actual father.
That better for you?^

My children have MY surname. As far as your assuming that it's also my father's name ... well, excuse me, your slip is showing.

Given that I have given up my country and my native language to come and live here, frankly I think that giving them MY surname was the least we could do. They don't have anything in their lives to do with MY actual culture. They will grow up as natives of this country. Perhaps you feel sorry for ME now. sniff

My partner couldn't give a flying fig whether they have the same surname as him or not. He prefers to demonstrate his fatherhood by doing things like cooking for them, playing with them, spending time with them. But I'm sure he thanks you for your pity and concern.

No I don't. I still feel for the fathers. That's how I've been brought up.

It's fascinating, that we are seeing the demise of a British cultural tradition, and all the associated angst.

The tradition is objected to, or felt to be irrelevant, by many women and men who rightly eschew the 'ownership' angle of marriage and family. Names can still be used as labels of connection, and that's what my family has.

But I'm well aware of the ironies.

I haven't bothered to read the thread.

What the fuck does it have to do with you?

Why don't you fell for the mothers, why is their identity more disposable?

Sometimes it's good to question the beliefs you've been brought up with.

No squoosh...

On nevermind.. You don't understand..

squoosh hmmm yes I do. I feel sorry for the fathers who have no say in how their own children are named.

Well I tell you who I feel sorry for , the friend of mine who couldn't agree with her DH what the child's name should be (first name) so one day he took it upon himself to go down and register the baby with his choice of name!

She had no say, I'm sure 99.9% of fathers have as much say as the mother.

*oh

Surnames are as much about class as they are about patriarchy. They only reflect one very narrow thread of your ancestry, not even all the males (e.g. maternal grandfathers are not reflected). I like the Icelandic way but since we're not going to move to that as a society at this point, do what works for you - make up a name, double barrel, whatever. In this day and age, surely it's each to her own?

Tee - do you say that to everyone who asks a question ever? You must be v busy writing that on every AIBU thread plus more....

My maiden name is Dick. Who would keep that??? Much 'hilarity' growing up being asked if my middle name was Sucks or Loves. Har har.

No way was I keeping it or passing it onto my poor innocent babies.

But if you had a surname that was shit why not change it anyway?

No, I don't bother.

Until some feminazi starts questioning my choices about my family.

Feminism is about choices. Not about your surname.

Oh I think I understand perfectly . . . . .

I think it's a shame that tradition seems to be going out of the window, but maybe that's because I'm a traditionalist! When I got married it didn't occur to me not to take my husband's name. I certainly didn't feel like I'd lost my own identity, I was happy to take his name because I loved him (still do). I now have his name and that is who I am. But it's fair enough if women don't want to, whatever their reasons. Each to their own.

But it's a talk board, Tee.

Please then squoosh enlighten me?

Tell me I'm wrong and unreasonable for thinking what I do... Please...