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AIBU?

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Original poster

BBC interview with the mother who lost her son in Burnham at the weekend

201 replies

davinci · 21/08/2012 15:22

I can't believe that they interviewed her, she is clearly in a state of shock and should be left to mourn. The voyeuristic nature of the interviewer whose only goal appears to be to upset her even more for the benefit of his viewers made me ashamed to be watching. I can't see any justification for this type of interview

OP posts:
marquesas · 22/08/2012 19:25

oopsi - I'm sure there have been occassions in the past when I haven't held my (then) 4 year old's hand even near water.

People act in different ways depending on their experiences, if you've done something many times before with no ill effects then you're likely to act diffeently to someone else who has had a bad experience (say) around water in the past.

I haven't watched the video but from what I've read this was a tragic accident that the parents will forever blame themselves - your comments smack of twisting the knife even more.

FutTheShuckUp · 22/08/2012 19:27

Oopsi I bet there have been many incidences in your life when an accident could have occured but didnt. It usually good luck when it doesnt and extremely bad when it does- nothing else.
You arguing the toss about it being the parents fault and shit parenting is vile in the extreme.

oopsi · 22/08/2012 19:28

'your comments smack of twisting the knife even more. ' I draw your attention to my comment that trhis is a debating forum not a support thread

Marquesas If you are saying you would let your 4 yo jump up and down right on the edge of dangerous water then you are a total idiot.

TandB · 22/08/2012 19:28

We are at our most vigilant when we perceive the greatest risk. The family probably didn't know how dangerous the water was so were taking reasonable precautions, ie child nearby and carefully watched, rather than the really tight controls they would no doubt have been using had they known there were dangerous currents right there.

I posted about falling down the stairs. It probably wouldn't have happened in my own home as we have stone tiled floor and I am hugely paranoid about falling so always hold on tight. PILs house has carpets so I suspect I was less cautious because I perceived the risk as less great.

I hope she doesn't read this thread.

missymoomoomee · 22/08/2012 19:28

Every parent has had a moment where their child has done something that could so easily have turned out like this, whether it be not paying attention at the park and falling off something, running out of your sight at the supermarket, bolting out onto a road etc and its only been through sheer luck it turned out for the best.

She was 2 steps away from him, would you seriously never let a 4 year old walk 2 steps ahead of you . And yes blaming the mother is very heartless.

McKayz · 22/08/2012 19:30

Oopsi, you are a vile, disgusting and nasty person. They've just lost their son FFS

FutTheShuckUp · 22/08/2012 19:30

oopsi if people said 'yes you are correct- what shit parenting' (which thankfully most people DONT think- at all!) would it somehow make you feel better- smugger? Would it do anything positive for this poor little boy and his family? I doubt it so I dont see why in the circumstances you cant have the dignity to keep it zipped

LynetteScavo · 22/08/2012 19:31

So everyone always holds their four year olds hand, when on a pavement in a village? Even on a very quiet road a car could come at any time, and a 4 year old could jump into it's path. Pretty much the same thing, except we all know cars can kill. Not everyone is aware of the deceptive nature of the sea.

I was very surprised the mother was available for interview yesterday...I don't think the reality had quite sunk in for her.

oopsi · 22/08/2012 19:32

'I bet there have been many incidences in your life when an accident could have occured but didnt. '

yes i bet there are.But its a question of where you draw the line between safety and overprotectiveness.I think 99.9% of the population would have made a different decision to Dylans parents.
i also think some people are being hypocritical. They get so hysterical about moving into a FF car seat a few weeks early , yet something like this is 'ah well-these things happen'.

FutTheShuckUp · 22/08/2012 19:36

Oopsi- stop. Just stop and think about how you are coming across as a mother, a fellow human being with your attempt to villify someone in a situation you have no idea how it actually happened. Its not putting you in a very nice light at all, sadly I dont think you give a toss and thats the worst thing for me

marquesas · 22/08/2012 19:38

oopsi - I'm not saying I would have done what she did, I haven't been to that particular spot neither have I seen it on TV so I just don't know.

If you're asking if I would always hold a 4 year old's hand just beacuse we were near water then no, I wouldn't and ime most parents operate in the same way.

Lynette is right - accidents can happen anywhere, I don't believe that anyone is totally vigilent 100% of the time or there would be no accidents.

LynetteScavo · 22/08/2012 19:38

Personally, I might have taken my child's hand and stepped back from the sea. But then I don't really feel comfortable around the sea.

But I wasn't there.

These parents have paid the ultimate price for the judgement they made at that moment.

Other parents make similar judgement every day, and don't suffer the loss of a child.

Ooopi, your posts are shocking to the point of making me feel physically sick.

TandB · 22/08/2012 19:39

Because moving into a FF seat is something that requires thought and planning. Not holding a 4 year old's hand by the water was no doubt a split-second decision, if any thought went into it at all.

It's not like the poor woman posted on MN "AIBU to consider not holding my 4 year-old's hand when we go to Burnham on sea next week"?

oopsi · 22/08/2012 19:40

But you have to objectively discuss the issues surrounding an accident.that is not about blaming villifying, it's about making sure people don't make the same mistake again. People replying to me saying it would be overprotective to hold onto small children near dangerous water and saying it's just a random accident, are not helping that process at all.

oopsi · 22/08/2012 19:43

marquesas- if that is true then it makes me feel very concerned.Lets hope poor Dylans demise educates those of you who think that way to be more careful in future.

marquesas · 22/08/2012 19:44

OK, now oopsi I agree with you - there is a lesson to be learnt and I'm sure that this terrible accident will make people more vigilant and maybe even avoid someone else ending up in the same situation.

FutTheShuckUp · 22/08/2012 19:45

Fuck me and still you cant stop can you? So if anything ever happened to one of your kids you'd be happy for people to act all 'ner ner ner ner ner- told you' about what you could have done to prevent it?
Seriously you sound unhinged now

marquesas · 22/08/2012 19:47

x posted with you oopsi, my reply was to your first post at 19.43.12.

On days out to the coast I've seen young children running around near the edge of the water - ime people don't hold onto their children at all times.

Now maybe my experience is different to others, I'm just saying what I've seen.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 22/08/2012 19:50

This is what often happens.
Family go for a day out.
They arrive at seaside.
Child excited, parents relaxed.
Unfamiliar with area.
Child dashes off
Child has accident.

Fuckwitted no nothings make stupid comments

Not long ago two children were sept out to sea within minutes of arriving at the beach.
Yesterday a child and grandfather were swept out to sea.

The beach seems a benign, safe environment. It's where we have our holiday fgs.
Than wham! Someone else's tragedy reminds us that the sea and surrounding area is a dangerous place.

Northernlurkerisonholiday · 22/08/2012 19:50

I would have held my child's hand in that situation - or tried to. Kids wriggle, they bounce, they get excited and terrible accidents happen. This was an accident. It's nobody's fault.

oopsi · 22/08/2012 19:50

Well i would expect the event to be examined- yes.I fact many parents in situations like this are all too keen to campaign and make sure others don't make the same mistake

Northernlurkerisonholiday · 22/08/2012 19:52

x posted with MrsDV - yes exactly. I would have held my child's hand on a jetty above the tide. When I took dd2 and dd3 to Filey a few weeks ago, I let them go down to the sea and play for ages alone. The sea was calm, I know the beach is gentle in it's slope and yes I WAS relaxed.

JustFabulous · 22/08/2012 19:52

"The way it was reported made it sound like a tragic accident."

And the way you have posted this, bronze, makes it sound like you are implying it wasn't.

It is scary how quick a child can drown. I was confused how it could have happened when mum jumped in straight away and dh explained about the currents. I hadn't heard about them.

Poor, poor family and now another family is mourning the loss of a husband and a grand daughter.

oopsi · 22/08/2012 19:53

Mrs Devvere Marqueses - this wasn't on the sand of the beach though it was a jetty going out into the water.It's to launch boats off !!

TandB · 22/08/2012 19:59

I've been to Burnham on Sea and I've been on that jetty and it would not necessarily have occurred to me that there were likely to be dangerous currents around it. It isn't like a pier where it would be obvious that someone could get swept under it, or where there are eddies around the pillars and things like that. It looked fairly benign.

And I know a fair bit about tide and currents and the sea generally.