relatives "dropping in" without calling first

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I think it's rude, when people (not living round the corner who are in and out of the house the whole time) but say 1hr drive away turn up unannounced, at a mealtime, without calling first. AIBU? My DH thinks so, and thinks it would cause great offence if I asked them to call first?

My house is generally a tip, and multitutinous undies get taken out of the drier during the day and heaped on the sofa for sorting. I feel quite embarrassed, especially when relatives visit, if I haven't had a chance to tidy up. I'd always call ahead before visiting, even someone 5 mins away, come to think of it, as it isn't that hard to send a text. I find it a bit presumptuous the idea that you can drop in on someone at any time. However, I am aware that I may be acting southern and uptight. This is also not my native country, so I may have missed some cultural norm about this issue.

AIBU here?

YANBU. There is no excuse for not calling ahead. I hate uninvited visitors.

Ring ahead, I will tidy round, get some nice cakes in.

I think you'll get a variety of answers and I'm not convinced its a cultural think. I like having a busy house and personally love it when people call in- unannounced or announced- and so does my DH, but I have friends who we know it would just not 'be cool' to drop by on.

Oh god yes I hate pop inners! So rude!

Yanbu!!!

I am thrown by unexpected visitors and don't like people 'dropping in' without even a phonecall. I would never do it to someone else, not even family. It takes seconds to send a text saying "Mind if we pop in?"

YABU - family is family - they take you for what you are and want to see you.

nope.

some people love having folks drop in (I do), some hate it (my mum hates it). There is nothing wrong with you for not wanting people to just show up. People should respect how you feel when it's YOUR place they're showing up at!

If I didn't want someone to come in, I just wouldn't answer the door, tbh.

Or I would and say oh, sorry, you've had a wasted journey. I have an appointment, I was just heading off...

Of course, those only work if your husband isn't there too

Or just tell them. You can say look, please call first, it's a long drive for you only to get here and find out that we're not in.

And don't feed them. If you currently do. "Oh, sorry. We were just about to eat. Do take a seat. Sorry there is none for you, but we didn't know you were coming.

I would hate it. In fact, I probably wouldn't answer the door!!

I think I meant unannounced not uninvited.

Especially when newborns are involved. (13 years ago but still angry).

I hate this- and I think it's rude even if they do live round the corner! I have a lovely but rather intense friend who does this, she has even been known to call me then when I don't answer the phone come round and knock anyway, and then happily sit there letting her kids trash the house while I am in the middle of cooking dinner.

It is REALLY odd to drive 1 hr just to pop in uninvited though!

It depends. If it was something where they were upset or whatever, I couldn't have a problem. But just turning up to say hi would take me aback. Frequently I have a friend call and say "Free for a cuppa in fifteen minutes?" and that's abolsutely fine. But it really doesn't take that much effort to send a text. So no, YANBU.

I hate pop-inners because my house is busy and usually untidy, sometimes dirty, and if I am not busy, I want to switch off and do nothing.

YANBU. A quick text (to which you have responded!) or telephone call is not too much to ask! ( what I mean is, don't just send a text and then pitch up! Send a text and wait for a positive reply about your intentions to pop over!)

I think it's reasonable to be annoyed about this if the drop-ins are expecting to be entertained or fed meals or stay for hours, etc.

If it's just a short visit, I don't see the harm.

YANBU.

My family (when we did speak) learnt that I needed atleast an hours warning before a visit. And to bring their own biscuits :o

It doesn't bother me, I have to admit.

Would you treat your own children this way if they had left home?

I can imagine the scenario - Phone first dear? Mummys a bit of a minger and you cant come until I've tidied up? knowing they have grown up with your disorganisation?

YANBU. I don't accept people who just pop in, whether they want food or not. I just don't answer the door to people if I'm not expecting anyone.

My MIL turned up this evening at 5.30 unnannounced to check if I had had the baby (it's my due date)

I was feeding two DC and trying to tidy up as been out & working all day.

I nearly told her to fuck right off make it herself when she asked for a cup of tea.

yabu- our house always welcomes visitors, everyone's welcome. if people turn up and were in the middle of something, we apologise but welcome them anyway. my house is always untidy and busy but family/friends dont mind (else they wouldnt come!).

My MIL tried it once. I spoke to her on the doorstep for a few minutes before excusing myself. It honestly never occurred to me to invite her in.

I went back upstairs where DH was ill and in a hot bath and resumed our conversation. He was hugely amused.

She's never tried it since so it all worked out for the best really

YANBU. Family or not it is good manners to call and make sure people are available.

It depends who it is. PILs (who I like a lot) = no, I need notice. I am just not comfortable with them seeing the house a tip. A couple of my friends = absolutely fine. I've seen their tips, they've seen mine. I know they won't bat an eyelid.

I love people feeling welcome enough and who like nd enough to pop in on me.

Keeps me on my toes too - no undies lying about here!

YANBU - I hate it when people stop by unannounced!