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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL

121 replies

londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 13:27

My MIL ever said to me 'I will expect you to be there.'' when I made her upset and offered an apology'. She meant to say she would receive my apology when she wants to do. I found these words were disrespectful and she was being bossy to me, which she isnt supposed to do.
Have you ever heard this kind of words from your MIL? Would you discribe she abused me?

OP posts:
nitsparty · 20/08/2012 13:32

are you her slave or something? ignore the old bat. make sure this attitude is nipped in the bud or it will go on for a long time and it will take your dignity with it. be polite, pleasant but firm and dump the doormat sticker she wants you to wear on your head.

nitsparty · 20/08/2012 13:37

and no, i have never had this attitude from MIL,several times from inadequate and insecure managers. I wouldn't call this abuse yet but it could end up being so if you don't put a stop to it.

OccamsRaiser · 20/08/2012 13:48

She can expect all she likes... doesn't mean you have to do anything! Brush it off... if you've offered an apology for something it is up to her whether or not she accepts it. I wouldn't describe it as abuse as such, just an odd thing to say...

ViviPru · 20/08/2012 14:00

It could be just me, but I'm struggling to fathom this.

So you upset her, then apologised. And she said "I will expect you to be there" and that meant she will accept your apology when she wants to? Eh?

Confused
ViviPru · 20/08/2012 14:01

OR, she will expect you to be someplace that you'd already made your apologies for not being able to attend?

TheBigJessie · 20/08/2012 14:05

I don't understand.

FannyFifer · 20/08/2012 14:08

Is English not your first language as that really makes no sense.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/08/2012 14:09

Vivi I don't understand it either Confused

OP - perhaps you could clarify? From what I can gather though, it doesn't sound as if she has been abusive to you.

ViviPru · 20/08/2012 14:10

Phew - after the first couple of responses I was wondering if I was just massively missing the point...

LittleWhiteWolf · 20/08/2012 14:10

I'm confused, too.

KenLeeeeeee · 20/08/2012 14:11

after the first couple of responses I was wondering if I was just massively missing the point

^^ This!

Original poster
londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 14:12

I offered an apology by email and said I will do in person when I see her next time. And she set the time when she wanted to receive it.
I havent seen her for years as I hate her more than anything in my life and will never see her again. This was the first and last words that is very bad she said to me. I havent told my husband about what she said above yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 14:15

Well what I wanted to ask to you is Is it reasonable for MIL to say ''I expect you to ''

OP posts:
ViviPru · 20/08/2012 14:15

So she has summonsed you for an apology in person at a specific time and date convenient for her? She sounds batshit crazytime. I'd just ignore the email. You've apologised, were prepared to extend this apology in person when the time naturally arises and that's the end of it as far as you're concerned.

WorraLiberty · 20/08/2012 14:15

I suppose it depends on what you did to upset her really

Could you at least have telephoned her and apologised like that instead of via email?

AGilchrist · 20/08/2012 14:18

If you haven't seen her in years how did you upset her? How do you plan on apologising in person, if you never see her, without something be arranged.
Seems to me like she knows you have no intention of apologising to in person, as you never see her, so she is trying to force a meeting to ensure you do as you say.
Without the background I would say yabu and she slightly bu.

AGilchrist · 20/08/2012 14:19

If you have said 'i will apologise in person' she inbu to she she expects to see you.

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 20/08/2012 14:21

Well you aren't going to be seeing her, so problem sorted.

phew

ViviPru · 20/08/2012 14:22

This is going to be one of those threads, isn't it.

wigglesrock · 20/08/2012 14:23

So, you told her that you'd apologise in person next time you saw her, but you don't intend on seeing her again - Why did you apologise in the first place, she doesn't have to accept your apology if she doesn't want to. Sometimes rows are too big/hurtful for an e-mail apology but I don't know any back details etc

Original poster
londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 14:27

Ok let me clarify.
I upset her by email, and apologised by email and then said I will apolpgoise in person when I see her next time. She said when she comes to our town in two weeks I will accept your apologise. The meeting was cancelled on due to her business then I met her after a month and apololies just before I left the meet up.
Then I never saw her again as I didnt want to .
This happened a few years ago and I upset with her words she said before ''I expect you to be there''

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/08/2012 14:29

This happened a few years ago and you're still stewing on it? Hmm

AGilchrist · 20/08/2012 14:30

So she said his a few years ago?

AGilchrist · 20/08/2012 14:32

I don't get the 'i haven't told my husband yet' part.
If it happened years ago and it upset you either tell him then or leave.
If dh told me 'remember a few years ago when I apologised to your mum for xyz, well she said this and it upset me' my response would be 'and...... You want be to do what exactly'

Original poster
londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 14:34

Yeah this happened a few years ago but I'm still upset and regret I offered an apology to such kind of person. I was too innocent. I hope not seeing permanently her will be a good revenge.

OP posts: