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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL

121 replies

londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 13:27

My MIL ever said to me 'I will expect you to be there.'' when I made her upset and offered an apology'. She meant to say she would receive my apology when she wants to do. I found these words were disrespectful and she was being bossy to me, which she isnt supposed to do.
Have you ever heard this kind of words from your MIL? Would you discribe she abused me?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 20/08/2012 14:35

Do you think she particularly cares?

If you don't like each other, it's probably best for your DH that you and your MIL stay out of each other's way.

ViviPru · 20/08/2012 14:36

What's happened recently to prompt you to be dwelling on this again?

What does your husband think about your refusal to see his mother out of revenge?

Original poster

londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 14:39

Not seeing his family was my husband's suggestion and I'm quite happy with that. He is a good son so he doesnt think his mum is doing wrong.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 20/08/2012 14:41

I hope not seeing her permanently will be a good revenge.

That's just odd, sorry. I wouldn't imagine she's crying into her chips about not seeing you if you carry a grudge for this length of time.

Original poster

londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 14:43

I'm not doing this for a revenge. I just cant see such person. I will poison me.

OP posts:

AGilchrist · 20/08/2012 14:45

Well as you seem not to want to divulge why you hate her so much I am going to say yabu.
I really don't get why your husband is ok with this situation if he believes she is not wrong.
Could it be he thinks you are wrong and by separating you both he doesn't have to confront you.
I imagine she isn't really that bothered.
Does you DH still see her?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/08/2012 14:45

Original poster

londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 14:46

Yeah he still sees his family. He basically think I dont give effort to get along with his family.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 20/08/2012 14:47

You said at 14:34 you hoped it would be a good revenge.

Raspberrysorbet · 20/08/2012 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/08/2012 14:49

Well maybe you don't? Perhaps you are rude and arrogant and you really have upset your MIL, but your DH loves you and her so he is doing what he can to keep you both happy.

Anyway, if you are this incoherent via e-mail and you upset her by e-mail, perhaps it is all one vast misunderstanding and you could resolve it over a ?

AGilchrist · 20/08/2012 14:49

I think you and your dh have some sorting out to do.
Are you going to say why you hate her? Tbh I doesn't really matter as you could just make it.
Because I suspect yabu for a while.

Original poster

londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 14:56

She said happily ''It's all gone'' when I apologised in person.
Then I realised I was too afraid of my mairrage was influenced by this so apologised that I didnt need to. This increased my hating feeling to her.

MIL and I should be an equal position not that one of us is any higher but having said ''I expect you to me be there'' and receiving my apology I feel she thinks she is higher than me.

OP posts:

ScrambledSmegs · 20/08/2012 14:57

I really don't understand what the original problem was. Why do you hate her so much? What did she do? I don't understand why you would cut your MIL out for such a trivial thing as asking for an apology face to face.

Because at the moment it merely sounds like you were rude to her via email, offered to apologise in person then failed to do so. Which makes your MIL in the right and you very wrong.

But then in your post of 14:27 you said that you did meet her a month later. Did you apologise then and then refuse to ever see her again? Or did you avoid talking to her? Either way I'm coming down on the side of YABU.

I've only had 3 hours sleep and I think my brain is going to explode with the effort of understanding this. Can we create a timeline, d'you think?

ViviPru · 20/08/2012 15:00

So you apologised, she accepted your apology, but now you're worried she's got the upper hand because you apologised on her terms?

She is probably just happy the situation is resolved. As you should be. Time to move on.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 20/08/2012 15:01

ScrambledSmegs · 20/08/2012 15:01

OK x-posted, but still not much clearer. You have apologised to her and she accepted it, but now you don't want to see her again as you think it's put her in a stronger position that you with relation to your husband?

But you were rude to her. So she was perfectly justified in expecting an apology IMO. And she accepted it and from her reply it seems that she'd let it go and moved on. She's definitely been the better person here.

ViviPru · 20/08/2012 15:11

Sometime 2010-2011
OP is rude to MiL in an email Details Please OP
OP apologises to MiL in another email and offers to reiterate the apology in person next time they meet.
MiL says that she will see OP in a couple of weeks when she is in town, and says "I expect you to be there"
Meeting doesn't arise due to change in MiL's business plans

One Month Later...
Op sees MiL and offers face-to-face apology
MiL accepts apology
OPs feeling of hatred is increased (suggesting an pre-existing disposition)
OP resolves never to see MiL again

Fast Forward to Present Day
Despite not seeing her for a couple of years, OP is stewing that MiL has gained an unfair upper hand due to Apology Gate that took place years ago.

Does that cover it, OP?

OccamsRaiser · 20/08/2012 15:14

Love the synopsis ViviPru

ViviPru · 20/08/2012 15:18

Having a slow day in the studio.

AGilchrist · 20/08/2012 15:21

Thanks vivi.
However I am still confused about a few things
A, if the OP is being reasonable why isn't she pissed off her dh still thinks his mum is great. To me that says she knows she ibu.
B, why is she still bothered now?
C, if the mil has been cut off at ops request, why does she give a shit?
D, why does the OP refuse to admit what she did.

ScrambledSmegs · 20/08/2012 15:22

Vivi that's my understanding so far too. Chronology sorted, WTAF is the logic in all of this?!

Original poster

londonandwhere · 20/08/2012 15:22

OP is rude(she thinks so but I dont think I was being rude) to MiL in an email
Mil replied to OP saying she was offended and called DH next day.
DH told OP about this and OP apologises to MiL in another email and offers to reiterate the apology in person next time they meet.
MiL says that she will see OP in a couple of weeks when she is in town, and says "I expect you to be there"
Meeting doesn't arise due to change in MiL's business plans

One Month Later...
Op sees MiL and offers face-to-face apology
MiL accepts apology

Fast Forward to Present Day
OPs feeling of hatred is increased redaring a few things MiL upset OP since OP first met her
OP talked to DH about what she wasnt happy with MiL and what she was doing wrong and asked DH to be OP's side if MiL will do inappopriate behaviours in future
DH suggested it's best not seeing each other again.
OP resolves never to see MiL again
Despite not seeing her for a couple of years, OP is stewing that MiL has gained an unfair upper hand due to Apology Gate that took place years ago.

Does that cover it, OP?

OP posts:

thecatsminion · 20/08/2012 15:24

What's the "it's all gone" bit in reference to?

ShirleyKnot · 20/08/2012 15:24

Er.

Or rather, YOU did OP.

ARF!

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