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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to people bringing their dogs when they come to stay?

116 replies

Poachedeggsandchocolate · 20/08/2012 12:45

I am 2 weeks from due date. Cannot cope with the extra mayhem and mess large dogs coming to stay as well bring. AIBU to say please don't bring them? I think it'll start a big argument, but I really don't think I can cope with the canines coming too.

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 20/08/2012 16:16

Oh and best of luck with the baby :o

sleepsforwimps2010 · 20/08/2012 16:24

I had a baby 3 weeks ago, at your stage I was cleaning in a crazed ocd type way! my own large dog was washed weekly and I had my carpets cleaned and limited dog to 2 rooms to limit his hairs/ ability to trip me up.....
the idea of dealing with someone else's dog moulting and walking on my clean floors would have made me freak out!!!
tell them no, your cleaning and preparing for a baby! you dont have the time/ inclination to clean up after them or their dogs!!

hackmum · 20/08/2012 16:31

Of course yanbu. However, as a slightly reluctant dog-owner myself, I have discovered it is a pain in the bum when you go somewhere and can't take the dog with you. So your ILs will probably moan that they haven't got anywhere to put the dogs.

TBH, I wouldn't want anyone staying with me just before I gave birth anyway. Surely you want to be spending your time dozing, not running around after other people.

Bunbaker · 20/08/2012 16:33

"I have discovered it is a pain in the bum when you go somewhere and can't take the dog with you."

What period of time are you talking about? A couple of hours, half a day, a whole day or severaL days?

anonacfr · 20/08/2012 16:33

My ILs' dog was their baby. He was well behaved but ate at the table and slept on my baby's playmat when they stayed over.
There was never any mention of the dog not coming with them when they visited. They never asked- it was just a given.

I think if I'd asked them to leave dog at home they would have refused to see me or the children.

Luckily dog passed away of old age. I was secretly relieved...

expatinscotland · 20/08/2012 16:39

'I think if I'd asked them to leave dog at home they would have refused to see me or the children.'

Then that would have been then end of our seeing them or their seeing the children.

My ILs prize their dog more than they did their dying granddaughter. They're out of our lives now same as she is.

Wish we'd have done it sooner!

TwelveLeggedWalk · 20/08/2012 16:39

YANBU. I felt like Hecate says when I was pregnant about my own dog!

I can't believe all these people who just turn up with dogs, ours always involves more logistical conversations than the rest of us put together. The only annoying thing is friends who have houses 'in the country' who express their keeness to own a dog, then dismayed that they do things like poo or bark.... We don't take Giant Puppyto them anymore.

5madthings · 20/08/2012 16:40

this whole its a pain when you cant take your dog somewhere, surely you think about that when you get a dog?

my relatives have had 2 dogs since i got together with dp. they had a while inbetween when they didnt have a dog and visits were sooo much easier, they knew when they chose to get a new dog that i wouldnt want it in my house. so imo they should just suck it up, yes they have to arrange for it to go to kennels or wahtever, but they knew that when they chose to get the dog. if they still want to visit us then they should put the dog in kennels wihtout being so bloody po faced about it. instead of making out that i am some kind of bitch because i dont want the dog that i am ALLERGIC to in MY house!

apparently i should just take a tablet or something and then all would be fine! umm no its not i take antihistimes anyway and STILL react to people who have pet hair on their clothes etc. and when my children then go in their car (which is full of dog hair) i have to strip them off, change their clothes and wash them and their clothes. i react that badly to pet hair, but i am just being a cow apparently.

sorry hijack, but this really annoy me, i get that pets are important and if i was not allergic we would probalby have a dog actually. but i woudl never dare to assume i could just take it to someone else house!!

Katienana · 20/08/2012 16:41

No YANBU. My in laws have a dog I told DH early on that I did not want them bringing the dog when they come to stay, so BIL looks after dog for them when they come up. So the rule has always been in place, but I can see why even if ok with it before you wouldn't want the extra mess etc that a dog creates. I'm 34 weeks now and I can't be arsed with visitors at all!

Frootloopz · 20/08/2012 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdoraBell · 20/08/2012 16:45

OP

Speaking as dog lover and owner, no YANBU.

I wouldn't take my dogs to someone else's house unless specifically asked to by the host.

lljkk · 20/08/2012 16:46

What kind of dogs, how many, how big? Where would they stay during the visit? how big is your home?

I like dogs a lot but leaning strongly towards yanbu, maybe there are details we don't understand.

ChickensArentEligableForGold · 20/08/2012 16:48

I adore my dog. He's my surrogate third child. But I'm not so far gone as to think that everyone else also thinks his slobbery, stinky, hairy presence is akin to the second coming. How rude to expect other people to accomodate an animal they neither asked for nor wanted in to their home. Utterly boggling, 5mad Shock

5madthings · 20/08/2012 16:53

chicken its her baby...it even gets carried around like a baby. and i am apparently just being mean, allergies are just a trendy fad apparently...despite the fact i have had asthma, eczema and hayfever my whole life and when i was a baby my parents had a dog who they had to re-home because of my allergies!

my parents got a dog again once i left home, they do NOT bring it to my house, they make arrangements to ahve it looked after, yes its a pain, but they dont moan about it or make me feel bad about it, unlike dp's relatives who moan and make faces and still try and bring their dog into my house!

bobbledunk · 20/08/2012 17:03

Just say no, you need to rest and you don't need the hassle of all that extra housework. They sound like selfish, inconsiderate bastards, who cares what they think? The nicer you are to cunts like that the worse they behave because they have no respect for anyone and will take the piss because they can.

Draw your boundaries, no dogs in the house (especially their dirty ones) and if they turn up with them send them away. I had to do that with one particular crazy relative who thinks her dogs are her children and expects them to be entertained in everybody elses home whether they like it or not (despite repeated warnings before she turned up at mine). She's still bitching about it (400 mile round trip and she never even got in to see the baby) but the next time she visited, she left the dogs with her sister.

People can't take the piss if you don't let them. Don't be afraid if you have to be a 'bitch', that's the problem of the those rude people who put you in the position where it's necessary.

5madthings · 20/08/2012 17:16

needs to employ bobbledunk to come and deal with my dog owning relatives! Grin

Original poster
Poachedeggsandchocolate · 20/08/2012 17:28

Great Dane and a collie.

When I had my DD I said no, they just didn't come, and there was animosity. Relationships have improved since (mostly because I gave in) but at the expense of my health (anxiety, broug ht on by stress of it all).

Scared to go back to how things were, but can't face the thought of them pre birth for all the reasons above, and after the birth, not until my baby is probably nearly a year. And even then it's not ideal because they are big and my nerves go through the roof.

Anxiety is mounting at the impending conversation required. DH agrees but would not actually say it forcefully enough for them to believe him, if he dared say it at all.

OP posts:
ChickensArentEligableForGold · 20/08/2012 17:29

Bloody hell. They want to bring their great dane to visit?! Hell, why not bring a pony! Hmm

lljkk · 20/08/2012 17:52

Great danes are very excitable ime, too. Either that or conked out. They don't seem to have an inbetween mode.
Where do they want the dogs to hang out while visiting, anywhere in the house that they go? Bet the collie sheds like a persian cat. Who is expected to vacuum up after it? Are they even any good about promptly picking up the dog mess soon as it's made?
Let me guess, they feed the dogs tidbits from the table?

TribbleTuckandDismount · 20/08/2012 18:29

A great Dane!!!! Are they mad?!

Tell them no!! No is a complete sentence, that's two huge dogs and is a lot of work for an owner let alone anyone else.

YANBU!!

WelshMaenad · 20/08/2012 18:36

A great Dane???? WTVAF? They are mentalists.

Stand your ground. My inlaws tried bringing their dog to visit a few times. It's a terrier breed, and a rescue dog that it was made VERY CLEAR cannot mix with children. It has hospitalised MIL's dad several times by trying to bite his fingers off. I will not allow it in my house, in my garden (I have cats) or out and about anywhere near the kids. They wanted to tie it the leg of our outdoor cafe table once, when DD was a toddler, and I just went and put DD in the car to go home. They soon got fed up of not being able to take it anywhere and having to tend to it in the car all the time, so they kennel it when they visit now and it's about 15 so hopefully the nasty little fucker will die soon anyway

AnyFucker · 20/08/2012 18:46

your husband needs to grow a pair

and fast

louisianablue2000 · 20/08/2012 19:09

Frankly I wouldn't want the ILs visiting when I was 2 weeks from my due date, let alone a dog. Are they coming to look after your DCs while you are in labour (in which case they are allowed to stay) or are they just incredibly thoughtless? Tell your DH the dogs can't come and he has to tell his parents.

LordOfThe5Rings · 20/08/2012 19:12

YANBU.

Unless of course it's a guide dog. In which case it's a bit rude unless of course you have allergies or health reasons not to.

Floggingmolly · 20/08/2012 22:00

I wouldn't have any houseguests, never mind their bloody dogs at 2 weeks from my due date. Why are they coming now of all times?
Tell them to pick a more appropriate time like two years from now