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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is over-sexualising a 7-year old?

227 replies

bigbadal · 18/08/2012 22:49

Really interested to hear people's opinions on this one....

A family member recently told me that his 7-year old daughter is 'already trying it on' with him as when he goes to kiss her goodnight she tries to kiss him on the lips rather than on the cheek. These are 'peck' kisses not anything more adult. He feels that this is her acting in a sexual fashion. Since her mother kisses both her and her younger brother goodnight on the lips I suspect it is just that she's noticed that her parents treat her differently and that she's a bit confused by this or that she is trying to show her parents equal affection.

I'm really not sure what to think. I'm fairly confident that I was kissing my father goodnight on the lips until I left home......and it certainly never EVER crossed my mind that there was anything sexual about it....that's just how it was - I kissed my parents on the lips. I know a lot of parents choose not to kiss their children on the lips for whatever reason (hygiene etc) but for this father to think his daughter is acting in a sexual way with him seems to be a bit far-fetched?

As a mother of a boy (who I kiss on the lips) I am confused. Is this a symptom of over-sexualisation of children within our society - or am I being very naive?

....sits back and waits to be flamed for admitting to kissing son on the lips and being at risk of awakening his sexuality at too young an age!

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 19/08/2012 13:36

I think the dads comment is a tat disturbing, tbh. Seems a very strange attitude to have to ones own child.

Brandy.... you definitely do sound like you are having some issues....
Oh and the very definition of flirting is:"To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures."... therefore I don't think little children really flirt, it is more as Big said about "courting for attention".

Convert · 19/08/2012 13:41

I understand the flirting thing, my baby is one and if I'm holding her and talking to someone she puts her head on me and looks up at them and flutters her eyelashes while making cooing noises. I have said before that she's a little flirt, without meaning it in a sexual way. It just seems the best word to describe it.
I don't think what the Father said about his daughter was appropriate though.

redwallday · 19/08/2012 13:59

Did I really just read that 'little girls flirt'???? Are you kidding me?

itscurtains · 19/08/2012 14:45

convert, how can your baby be a flirt? really, how?
"she doesn't mean it in a sexual way". Gosh just as well then. Did you say that just in case anyone actually thought that what she was doing?!
This thread really has brought out some strange ones.
OP I second the posters who said to have a word with the child's mum.
Hiding thread now!

HiHowAreYou · 19/08/2012 15:25

I'm sure I've read that early puberty is more likely to occur in girls who have been sexually abused, OP.
I don't want to scaremonger, but I find the father's comments very disturbing.

workshy · 19/08/2012 15:31

there is absolutely no way you can validate that statement hihowareyou and it is very much scaremongering

SoleSource · 19/08/2012 16:06

Brandy are you muslim?

I have a hunch the dad does not feel comfy kissing his DD on the lips and worded his concerns wrongly or the DD is physically forcing her fsther to peck her on her lis and dad doesnt want to. I do not think he is strange at all ffs.

Socknickingpixie · 19/08/2012 16:17

hihow you have that compleatly the wrong way round.

early pubity is thought to put girls who allready experance it at a higher risk of sexual abuse.not the other way round

Convert · 19/08/2012 16:26

It's like someone said further up, it's like small children are courting attention, but the easiest way to describe it is flirting. I meant that it's not romantic or sexual behaviour of course as she is one.
I don't think that when I said it in RL it was taken out of context, it was taken in the way I meant it.

Mrbojangles1 · 19/08/2012 16:39

Somthing is very wrong that he things a child is traying it on

Op i would watch theis oerson like a hlawlk and dont leave your children in his care

Very very odd

cocolepew · 19/08/2012 16:45

Puberty starts at 8 years old, so if she is showing signs of starting its not too unusual.

Leena49 · 19/08/2012 16:49

Omg puberty does not equate to what is being discussed here. My dd started puberty early but she was shocked and frightened it didn't turn her into a Jezebel character.

Goofymum · 19/08/2012 19:47

I know that I can't be certain that nothing is going on, however, of my two concerns, I am more concerned about the young girl's developing attitude towards sex, rather than that there is any likelihood of physical abuse

What is the concern over the 7 year old's developing attitude towards sex, Bigbadal? Is it to do with the original post and the family attitudes re: kissing on lips etc or is there more to it? It's just the post has always focussed on the father's comments not the girl.

KellyElly · 19/08/2012 20:21

You need to be very worried about the father and not the child. Anyone who thinks his daughter is trying it on on him needs to be kept very far away from young girls as he is a complete and utter fucking weirdo. Does the mother of the child know he's saying this? If she doesn't then she needs to know and that man needs to be kept a very close eye on.

dementedma · 19/08/2012 20:35

My parents never kissed us on the lips and I don't kiss the dcs on the lips, other than when they were tiny babies. Dh would also be uncomfortable if the teen dds kissed him on the lips. I was a bit shocked at the poster earlier who kissed her brother on the lips - I think that's a bit odd.

KellyElly · 19/08/2012 20:45

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe very strange post. Maybe some people who have posted their 'hysterical' concerns are doing so from direct experience of abuse and the language abusers use. Saying you want to slap people as well...really? Make you sound so much more balanced than the hysterical posters you refer to.

Softlysoftly · 19/08/2012 21:41

Grin Agent "you can try"

Whatdoiknowanyway · 19/08/2012 22:04

I have never kissed my children on the lips and never would. Does this have anything to do with the fact that my grandfather used to kiss me on the lips and progressed to more obvious abuse which no one was alert to because 'there's nothing wrong with kissing a grandchild on the lips'? Probably.
If someone is expressing concern - listen to them!

HiHowAreYou · 19/08/2012 23:04

Ah, ok pixie, I got it the wrong way round, sorry.

workshy, I made a mistake, but I do find what the father said very disturbing!

workshy · 19/08/2012 23:25

I also find the father very odd and slightly disturbing

it was the puberty comment I was objecting to, but you made a mistake, we are all human :)

StuntGirl · 20/08/2012 00:36

The dad's comments are way weird. In fact the whole families attitudes sound weird.

achillea · 20/08/2012 01:23

I think OP said that the mother went along with it and that sounds like she may know what he said was weird and is protecting him in some way.

DappyHays · 20/08/2012 01:42

Mothers are supposed to kiss their young babies on the lips. Germs transfer from the baby to the mother who in turn creates antibodies to these germs which are passed back to the baby through breast milk .

I find what ops relative said strange too.

monsterchild · 20/08/2012 03:43

Blegh, Dappy, can I just lick the passie instead? I am not a lip kisser (except DH). Perhaps I will change my mind when my kid is here, but it's not something I will do willingly!

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 20/08/2012 04:06

Haven't read the thread because I know there will already be creepy comments from weirdos about the daughter rather than the father...

I would be VERY concerned if a man said something like that about his little daughter. It's a huge red flag to me. Almost like...Justifying. Confused

Very creeped out.

Oh, I'm 20 and I still kiss my mum on the lips. :)

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