To ask what your Ex pays in maintenance and your arrangements

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As per the other AIBU thread re ex paying towards school uniform costs, I'm wondering what yep of arrangement you have with ex re maintenance, and is it through CSA or mutual?

Does ex see child(ren) regularly & does he pay towards extras (uniforms, school trips and so on)

I get the large sum of zero pounds every week.

My dd doesnt get so much as a card on her birthday.

My DH gives over £80 more than CSA guidelines, half to private tutor every month, half to school uniform and we pay for all his sporting activities that he does with us. It's a private arrangement and we see DSS everyday. He sleeps over twice a week nd a lot more in the holidays.

We get on fab with his ex though and have even been away for a weekend with her family. We are extremely lucky though.

Zero
He doesn't see her regularly unless I drive her over to him - 90 min round trip for me.
Does he pay for extras? What an amusing idea and no.

My ex gives us £220pcm - enough to cover dinner money and the childminder. We get on well though and he will usually oblige if more is needed from time to time.

My ex is a brilliant Dad, sees the dc regularly, we often help each other out and we co parent as much as possible. He gets on well with my dh and I get on well with his dp.

He pays £200 a month for 2 dc, which is roughly what the CSA said he should pay when we checked it out on their online calculator. Although we don't use the CSA and he has had anther child since we checked. He also pays for half of all activities, big uniform/shoe expenses, school trips etc.

I will add though if we have an expensive outlay for said hobbies his mum always offers us half to contribute as well, which we very rarely take.

We've always paid the same amount so when DH was on about 10k less than now he was massively overpaying but DSS in nursery so his mum was paying out a good whack on that, now DSS is 14 and no longer needs nursery his mum is better off, we figure it's swings and roundabouts.

We get £73 a month via CSA because he's self employed and is fiddling everything.

According to him, he shouldn't have to pay anything because he buys them enough at his house when he sees them every 2nd weekend apparently.

Nothing towards uniforms, no extras!

We pay £250 for just DSS, plus tutor at anther £30 - £50 on top. :) which is what you asked OP. sorry :)

ds sees his dad every week and stays every other weekend. the ex pays by standing order every month and extra when he gets his bonus he also buys ds shoes and clothes sometimes (not me askign him to or ds needing then just he wants to) and quite a few other extras, regarding money i have nothing to moan about

private arrangement, if we went through the csa i am sure i would get more (he is a very high earner) but i am happy with what i get and he does offer more at times. i was happy with a private arrangement and i knew he would not want the csa to go through his accounts

He pays £50 per week over the CSA normal rule guidelines. But we have 2 SN children and I can't work due to this. I was meant to be £50 a week higher than was court ordered (after mediation), but I lowered it after a year or so.

I never ask him for extra and he sees the children regularly when he is not in the mental health unit.

Ex pays 0 towards ds's upkeep. He used to see ds every 18 months/2 years for an hour until last year when he sought fit to shout in ds's face and swear at him. Ds decided he didn't want to see his father after this, so his father decided not to pay any more maintenance. Prior to this he used to pay £200 a month, the CSA assessed this 10 years ago but he's had pay increases since and has not paid a penny more. On the odd occasion (3 times in 13 years) he'd pay £40 towards school uniform. He rarely used to contact ds, and hasn't done so for months.

zero

Hi, My exH pays £500 a month, for 3 young children - it is a private arrangement. He also sees the children twice a day on weekdays (I drop them off on my way to work and he does the school-run) then he calls in to my house on the way home from work to either say goodnight/put the children to bed (alternate nights.) Then he has them overnight on a Sat - 24hrs -ish - and I have some time to myself :-) We are trying to co-parent as best we can and it seems to be working well; I want him to be as involved with the childen as he can be, and he probably sees the children more than some fathers who still are in the main home! A few teething problems at the start, as even though we are separated, he is still in my house alot putting the children to bed etc., but everything is working out well, and the main thing is that the children are happy and have a daddy who loves them and wants to be cosy with them, even if he doesn't live in the house. Good luck with your situation.

I get £250 pm for ds, and £600 lump sum from his bonus once a year. It should prob be more than this, but as he lives in another country his travel costs to visit ds are relatively high and I'd rather he visited more and paid less.

He visits about once every 4-6 weeks (well, that's the plan -ds is only 5mo at present!) And has helped out with buying the big stuff like buggy etc.

We get on well generally, with the odd tiff when I feel he isn't paying enough attention to ds. I think his intentions are good though, they just sometimes get a little lost when his head gets caught up with work.

£270 per month for 1dc and no contact.
Suits me!

£19.71 a week.

£5 a week, when CSA can remember to take it.

Ex doesnt currently see my son as he is in prison. He has never paid regular maintenance, fuck all really.

Nothing, This has been a mutual personal arrangement since I was pregnant.

DS's father and I have never been a "couple" so to speak. We were friends with benefits before DS came along and have just been friends ever since.

I work full time and am lucky to have a comfortable salary, DS's father was unemployed for a long time and now had a relatively low paid job. He puts money aside in a savings account for DS to have when he is 18.

He has DS one night at the weekend and also sees him on two week night evenings.

I feel that this arrangement benefits DS, his father and myself more than if maintainance were paid. I appreciate how lucky I am.

£260 p/mth for one child set and collected by the CSA. He sees her every other Saturday and takes her for tea once a week. Arrangements are flexible and he will try to contribute to larger expenses like school trips if he can. He used to have her for overnight visits but that stopped when issues with discipline cropped up; but I am hopeful that can restart in the near future. Best thing we have found is not to set arrangements in stone but to keep communicating as things change and prepare to negotiate.

£250 a month for 3 kids, he has them from Fri-Sun every other week. He's had them alot during this summer holidays, he hasn't before now though. He didn't pay anything for the first 2 years we were seperated.

No extras even though I asked for him to buy help out with the school uniforms, got a big fat no. He's had a couple of payrises since the CSA worked out what he should pay but I haven't contacted them to reassess to keep the peace.

Money is sorted through the CSA.

I get zero. For tax purposes he only earns £4k a year so I anticipate going through the CSA would be pointless, plus he told me long ago that if I did, he's just stop working anyway.

On the plus side, he's not a bad father, sees them every other weekend, buys them ridiculously extravagant presents, and they've just gone away on hols to the Canaries for a week.

He has never previously paid for school uniform, until this month when he kitted out ds2 who is going into yr 7.

I forgot to add my bit.

£170 per month. As per other thread, I do get contributions towards extras, and he always buys him things, football boots /trainers for school. We are getting extra tutoring for ds and he's offered to pay.

We get along well, he's a bit of a laid back easy come easy go character. I don't know what I ever saw in him (married, divorced baby, all within 2 years. Don't ask!) but he's a good dad on the whole. He has him every weekend, and is flexible in that he's taking him away next week so I said could he stay him this weekend which was fine. His Mum has helped with childcare this holidays, which means my childcare bill isn't going to be huge (have dd). He takes my nephew some weekends when he visits and does by stuff with them, and is taking them away for a weekend soon. He also buys my dd birthday / Xmas presents and I'm takes ds shopping for my birthday / mothers day and I usually end up with a bag of goods from Clinique, or similar. He's always let us have him at Xmas, usually ritual is he collects first thing, takes him to his parents have presents etc then brings him back so ds can spend it with his sister too. I've always offered him Xmas lunch here.

He and partner get along well too which is great, it makes a huge difference and I'm glad as it benefits all of us , more so ds in the long run.

ExH pays £106 monthly through the CSA, has DD every weekend from Friday night to Sunday afternoon, although this is flexible. We get on well, and he likes my DF, as I do his DP. If they have something special planned with DD's half sister, they will take DD along, and his DP often has her overnight and the next day in the holidays. Likewise, I have DD's half sister to stay sometimes, and try and involve her where I can in days out etc. The four of us co-parent pretty effectively, and I like and trust ExP's partner as my DD's stepmother. Some people think our arrangement is strange, that I am happy to look after his daughter by another woman, but she's my DD's sister

A big fat zero.