To ask what your Ex pays in maintenance and your arrangements

[EmptyCrispPackets]

As per the other AIBU thread re ex paying towards school uniform costs, I'm wondering what yep of arrangement you have with ex re maintenance, and is it through CSA or mutual?

Does ex see child(ren) regularly & does he pay towards extras (uniforms, school trips and so on)

I am really lucky. We have a private arrangement. I get £150 per month, which I know doesnt sound alot but my ex has paid the same for years and my son is now 19 and he is still paying. My son is still in education, though has 2 part time jobs, so my ex says he will pay until my son is out of education. I think he is extremely fair when I see what some exes are getting away with.

However, my 2nd dh has 2 sons. We have brought them up because their mother was a complete dead beat. She could not care less and did some terrible things to those boys (mentally not physically). I cant describe how horrible it was having to pick up the pieces. Im not that perfect a mother so I found it really hard to bring someone elses children up but I had no choice. They were treated exactly the same as my son and did not go without anything. She never paid a penny, rarely sent them a birthday card or christmas card. I dont think I have ever known such a selfish 'woman'. We went to the CSA and were awarded £4 a week for each boy so she packed her job in! She has never had a proper long term job. I had to go to work full time because we needed the money and cleaned peoples houses for the money because my husband did not earn that much. She has no shame at all. She has now crawled out of the woodwork and the boys think the sun shines out of her arse. I cant tell you how much it annoys me because they hurt their dad so much after all we have done. She even dropped the oldest boy off at the homeless centre with £20 and a packet of fags!!!! We went and picked him up. She has never paid a penny.

£83.00 a week £10 includes arrears for 1

made us do a dna test through csa TWAT

daft me didnt pursue money for 5yrs but this year i did,asked him first for £20 a week said he couldnt afford so went to csa

now he has to pay much more than originally asked

has seen him twice in 5yrs and up till csa still txt be for random sex (i declined) never asked about his child

so no,no contact hes missing out on a fantasic kid but i get no inteference and parent how i wish so not so bad

MrsClown1

yes there are also very selfish women about regarding parenting

must really stick when they think the world of her.ive found this with kids thats parent are alcholics/drug abusers and treat their child badly,yet the child thinks the world of them

you sound very caring,im sure the mother's novelty will stop after a while.and you and your dh will be here to pick up the pieces AGAIN

have some

My ex paus nothing and has not seen ds in about 10 years

At the start he used to do £30 shopping but when he started rining me from tesco saying the shopping has gone over what shall he put back or i can owe him the extra when he sees me i thought

Jogg on and i never had a peeny since to be honest i am glad i didnt get any money off hom found out that he been in jail for selling drugs for years and i wouldnt want to raise my child on drugs money

To all the single mothers out there who ex is a dead beat we are having the last laugh we will have the love and respect of our children

Mostly i think the non payment is to spite us sadly little do they know is they are only spiteing themselves

In 18 years I received nothing would have burnt it anyway

He saw her a couple of times at a contact centre when she was a baby and nothing since.

Zero. He quits his job whenever the CSA catch up to him and has now been unemployed for a year (why his dw puts up with it, I don't know).

He sees ds a couple of times a year if his wife or parents drive him here to collect him and sometimes remembers to ring him too

didnt you no their money pays for OUR fantastic lifestyle so i was told

hes only paid the first payment thats august,we will see if he continues

does anybody else get the "you should you be grateful" card ???

My ex pays £400 for two children but was earning £70k per year - so its relative! He used to talk about 'my' maintenance, but I was always very clear it was the children's, not mine! It could be a lot worse, it gets paid on the first of every month - no hassle. Though he does make comment ms every now and then that it somehow funds a luxury lifestyle. I wish....

He used to see them fortnightly weekends but we now live several counties apart and whilst my 16 year old DD still has a good relationship with him, she doesn't want to leave her social life behind every fortnight. Will suggest to him that he drives down sometimes and take her out for lunch. Its stlll me that keeps encouraging everyone to keep in touch!

I currently receive nothing. Since my DS (6) was born, my ex has done a brilliant job of avoiding the CSA, refusing to pay, working cash in hand, refusing to answer correspondence etc, and the CSA have been next to useless. At the start of the year the CSA caught up with him not before time and put a DEO in place. I received one payment then he left his job so he didn't have to pay. I'm now supposed to get a whopping £2.50 per fortnight but as yet this hasn't been forthcoming and I'm not holding my breath. He owes me six years of arrears too, which quite frankly I could really do with. I'm sure you can gather from this that I don't get any extras or help with uniform or anything like that.

My ex also chose not to have anything to do with DS and has never even seen him. Ideally I'd have loved them to have a relationship, but in retrospect I'm quite glad my ex chose not to bother because he's a cheating, lying, manipulative wankstain on the face of humanity and would not be a good role model for my son.

I haven't had a penny for DS1 in 17 years - it's 14 years since I involved the CSA, but they have failed to recover a single penny for us. He now officially owes over £20k, but he moved abroad 3-4 years ago when an attachment of earnings order was finally granted. :( He used to see DS about once a year, but hasn't seen him at all for about 3 years. :(

I don't get any maintainance for DS2 either, but his dad has him after school/during hols on the days I work, and over night twice a week... And DS2 pops round other times sometimes when he wants to see his dad... I'm happy with this, cos I reckon time is more important than money :)

when my eldest was at home i got £100 per calender month from age 9 upwards nothing befor age 9. it was a private arangement that was proratered down to the day she left home. contact once a month funded and aranged by me. no extras ever asked for or given

i am currently reciveng £5 per week via csa soon to be upped by £1 a week due to him being in 2 years of arrears.i did have a court order(by mutial agreement) saying £45 a month plus school uniforms and transport but he never complyed hence why i had to use csa. he is not unemployed he gets the £5 assesment as he recives a army disablement pension (he is not disabled) he owns a company that i gave him (at the same time i gave him a house) and even resents the £5. i once made the mistake of asking for a token contribution towards some sensory therepy for our autistic child. was screamed at and called a money grabbing cunt by him then threatned by his girlfiend so have never asked again. at his request contact is 1 day every other week our child often refuses to go.

i have never had anything for 5 of mine as its never been relivant there dad passed away but i do pay the wife he had befor me £200 pcm for there child as it means mum is more willing to keep her in contact with my kids if asked i help out with extras but to be fair mum has only asked me once for a trip,i think she knows its kind of me to pay her what i do and nobody can force me to so she never pushes it.i get to see dsd once a week.

for my youngest 0 and i will never ask for anything ever dad is a useless prat who cant even show up at mine for contact and if i went to csa i would get £2.50 as hes on benefits but cash in hand work that i cant prove.i just remembered im still paying his other childs maintainance via standing order so up untill i get through to the bank to cancel it thats £40pw on top of the £5pw mum gets via csa. the other reason i wont go to the csa is that the mum of his other child would get her £5 split in half so we would both get £2.50 and i think thats compleatly unfair on her,i dont think its unfair to stop my payments to her as him and i have not been togather for ages but i had compleatly forgotten i was paying it.

Dragging this up but found it very interesting to read.
My dp pays his ex maintenance & the mortgage on the house he left them in..does anyone else have this situation?

£1000 per month for 2 DC, and he has them for one night every other weekend. No contribution to extras like uniform, clubs, school trips etc though.

He came up with the figure himself- had a look on the CSA website and on his salary and the amount he sees them he should be paying about £900 so it is a little more than the minimum.

I get £220/month for 3 children. That is what the CSA told him he should be paying after I had to get them involved because he wasn't paying maintenance. I am owed over 2k in arrears - no point getting the CSA to get involved as he is living at an address away from his alleged home address and won't let me know what it is. He pays for other stuff sometimes but often lies and says he's paid when he hasn't so it is incredibly embarrassing for me. It annoys me as he has a nice car and an iPhone 6 (plus other stuff the kids have told me he's bought his gf) yet he owes me and his own mum a lot of money.

Contact is supposed to be every Weds night and every other weekend. Sadly his mum has the children most of the time. His highly irregular shifts seem to always fall when he is supposed to have the children - funny that! The kids are beginning to see what he is like which is very sad.

This may all change though as he is in court next year and if he gets a sentence it is likely to be a custodial one.

I'd like him to pay what he's supposed to when he's supposed to (this is the main reason we don't get on - he doesn't tell me he isn't paying maintenance he just doesn't pay it), to see the kids when he's supposed to and to stop lying about everything.

Aargh zombie thread!

My EX pays me £30 a month on top of what CSA take, which is £171 per month> He has the children 3 nights a week and is a fantastic Dad, as well as one of my best friends. We co-parent well and support each other where we can. Right now he is struggling financially and I have offered to drop payments for a couple of months to help out. He has refused for now as he wants to pay.

On the other hand, my OH ex has 3 children by 3 Dads. the first 2 Dads are deadbeats and pay nothing, so until recently my OH has been supporting the first 2 children also, paying £650 per month. His son is with us Monday morning until Wed evening and every weekend from Sat morning until Sunday evening. He buys all the clothes and does all of the pick up/drop offs (they live about 30 miles away). I put my foot down after it became apparent that we were short of money and she was providing a decent lifestyle for her other two children off the back of his payments. This month we have dropped to £350 and she has to do 50% of the pick up or drop offs. This is just a start as she has been riding the gravy train too long. Based on a her payments from my OH and tax credits (for a child she never sees!) she has just put an offer in on a £350k house. Did I mention her new partner lives with them but they don't declare so she still gets benefits! Makes me so mad when I work so hard.

185 quid per month always paid on the 1st for our DD.

He has her every other weekend from Friday night after school to Sunday at 6pm, he used to have Wednesday's too but he got a new job so couldn't anymore.

She has her own room there with a full set of clothes and toys so I never have to pack her anything.

We've never had the CSA involved.

I think he's an absolutely brilliant dad, and his partner is just so loving to our DD, I'm very thankful that he found her.

DH paid £200 pcm for dsd and also contributed to uniforms, the bigger school trips (foreign ones), swimming lessons and also paid half of all birthday celebrations. There's probably other things too such as stationery for exam revision.

He's just made the last payment to her mother but will continue giving £200 a month to dsd while she is at university.

My exH pays £800 a month for 2 DDs - he also pays my mortgage as I have a mesher order in place (he earns ££££'s & I do not).

He lives too far away for any midweek stay overs or help with drop offs/pick ups from school, so he sees the kids two weekends on, one weekend off.

He does half of the holidays although we are having to review the summer holidays as he only does 2 weeks out of the 6-7 & now that I'm back at work, we need to split it fairly.

Luckily, even though the shitbag had an affair, so far he is a good dad who provides at the level he should, based on his earnings & wants to see his kids.

He pays nothing at my request. I earn more than enough for us ( low mortgage no major debt ) and now I have DP we don't need it. Ex doesn't earn as much and was starting again so seemed unfair. He takes dd every day he possibly can and makes sure I can work ( shift work ) by stepping in for times I can't do school run etc. Suits us. We get on great and if I needed anything for her he would get it for her.

Zero.

I'm shocked at all these zero and low amounts.

I have a very amicable divorce and ex dh pays more than anyone on this thread (I think) plus half the school fees.

Up until now, not A lot! Son is now 11 and until he was 9 his Dad didn't work all that much so I let him get away with paying diddly squat. He is now working and a year or so ago he agreed to pay on a regular basis ( using CSA calculations) but he is forever messing up! And if I dare say anything about it I get a mouthful of abuse.

I had enough last week, had loads to pay out to set DS up at sec school and was fed up of hearing about his dad's iPhone 6+ and personalised number plates etc, so called CMS to get them to sort it out once and for good.... Hopefully!!

Won't be loads, about £100 a month, but it's better than nothing!

I'm almost embarrassed to admit I get £1500 a month off my ex, given some on the tiny amounts being paid here. We agreed 18% of his net pay and he earns a lot now. Would be silly to ask for him to pay for half of anything else! He does by her loads of labelled fashion clothes which is ironic as she hates it! All the money goes aside for when she is older as I'm lucky to earn enough to keep us both.