Offering cash to those in crisis then welching…how ok is this?

[Paralyticgold]

For years, my mum?s best friend has been offering to ?help? me as she understands what it?s like to be single with dependants and she?s very well off. She?s been offering without the slightest nudge on my behalf. I?ve never taken her up on it.

So I lose my job, no redundancy, the kitchen floods and needs entirely replacing (inc all the white goods, which died in the flood). Then I am pickpocketed twice. As a finale, my laptop was nicked.

Now penniless, I timidly emailed her explaining the above and asking her to the cinema. The answer ?well DONE for coping on your own.? She says she?s facing a big DIY bill herself at some stage and ?what about the benefits system???

I?ve replied by putting her in touch with a mate who can help her save money on her DIY. But I?m horrified at this ? I really feel I?ve been kicked when I?m down. AIBU?

btw what insurance are people using? not having a go but mine is £7 a month for up to £15k value plus emergency call out etc. It is specifically for tenants. Apologies if you can not afford that though.

We cancelled contents and my life insurance when we couldn't afford it, and guess what? The sky did not fall in, and we never needed to use either.

Some people appear to have no concept of what it is actually like to struggle financially. A roof over your head, food to eat, adequate clothing, fuel and the ability to continue with/seek employment are the not-negotiables, along with property insurance if you own a place. Everything else can be trimmed back. That doesn't make a person feckless, it makes them POOR.

OP, I agree that you sound like you have reactive depression. I also agree that self-pity, however understandable on the facts of your situation, does lead almost invariably to cyber-bullying (though in fairness, almost any vulnerability does at times, when at others people are completely lovely). Post on Freecycle for the stuff you really need and consider pawning the jewellery. And try to look forwards - things won't always be this way. Really, they won't.

ethelb that is NOT aimed at you; your post was both kind and constructive. I'm sorry for the tactlessness. (Though insurance is so heavily dependent on postcode, too - the higher the risk of burglary the higher the premium, which was why we had to cancel insurance once when we lived in a very crime-ridden area.)

OP only attempted to take up the 'offer' of financial help because she was desperate. Home and contents insurance is a big expense for a low income household. The only practical suggestion I can offer is checking for replacement items on Freecycle or this site Good luck OP. xx

Aw OP - please if you can make an appointment with your GP as you [understandably] sound very depressed.

www.surestartharlow.org/useful-links/single-parents/

Some people on MN seem to delight in kicking people when they are down, gleefully, it's shocking

Let's not forget that MN can be lovely though hey? A couple of years ago I helped another MNer leave an abusive h and practical help poured in. Not all offers are empty...

Yes there is that too :)

Mumsnet can be fantastic, warmhearted and staunch. It can also voice painful truths in a very direct but completely constructive way. It can support people in atrociious situations and genuinely change their lives for the better. Which makes the flipside, apparent here, even more disappointing. It's such a perversion of what this site can be and should aspire to being, IMO.

Paralytic if you are still reading, I hope you feel a little better today.