Offering cash to those in crisis then welching…how ok is this?

[Paralyticgold]

For years, my mum?s best friend has been offering to ?help? me as she understands what it?s like to be single with dependants and she?s very well off. She?s been offering without the slightest nudge on my behalf. I?ve never taken her up on it.

So I lose my job, no redundancy, the kitchen floods and needs entirely replacing (inc all the white goods, which died in the flood). Then I am pickpocketed twice. As a finale, my laptop was nicked.

Now penniless, I timidly emailed her explaining the above and asking her to the cinema. The answer ?well DONE for coping on your own.? She says she?s facing a big DIY bill herself at some stage and ?what about the benefits system???

I?ve replied by putting her in touch with a mate who can help her save money on her DIY. But I?m horrified at this ? I really feel I?ve been kicked when I?m down. AIBU?

Then your 'humilitation' is your own fault for cancelling your insurance.

You should have sold your laptop or pawned your jewellery or asked for help then.

Priorities and all that.

WTF does racism have to do with this?

OP is in distress and not really helping herself here.

I think that you have gone about this trying to be tactful but unfortunately dug yourself a great big hole OP.

Thanks. I am tired and frightened and sad.

Although I know I'm getting muddled, what wankpants and lisaro said about me being 'disgusting' and 'it's your own fault' has helped me see clearly.

You're right.

Did she actually mean 'cash' halp, when she offered in the past.

Because I'd have assumed she meant moral support, or directing you towards financial advice or something. Not cold, hard cash.

I think that you will just have to accept that she can't/wont help and find another option. Its her money and even if it was offered to you it never actually was yours so it is unreasonable to just expect it to be handed over after a hint that you are in trouble.

Suck it up and pawn the jewellery

twofingers the OP's later accusations actually proved my point.

OP

I am so sorry, and have seen some rather unkind comments

but she is not the issue, she has been talking out of her arse for years and clearly wll not stump up- let it go

focus energies on finding a job and surviving

sending some luck and good karma your way XXXX

Lisaro and wankpants have reminded me of the one solution I hadn't wanted to use. Life insurance.

Oh well, a series of calamities followed by vicious online bullying. That's all I deserve.

Bye

Yabu and incredibly entitled and IMO your friends finances are none of your business sort your own affairs out.

Yes, cash in your life insurance. That's a good plan. You need to focus on the here and now, you can sort out more life insurance later.

What sort of help were you expecting from her? Hundreds? Thousands? How would you pay it back?
Did she ever spell out that her help would be financial? And if so how much? Are you sure she wasn't talking about babysitting?

It's not a good idea to feel that someone who has money should be obliged to help you out. You shouldn't feel humiliated though - you mentioned you were in trouble and she has given you a subtle and polite no. She could have lots of reasons. I would forget about it now.

You sound like you have had a huge run of bad luck, and I hope things pick up for you.

OP, I really have no idea why certain posters thought it was OK to pour such vitroil on you

This website never fails to surprise me, and disappoint me

BUT, tirm her, clear all the offers of help were complete bullshit

good luck

Ho ho - it only pays out under the usual circs.

Lisaro is right - I am disgusting. I have been ill for years and years and tried to manage on my pwn. But I a tired and frightened and I thought other people woiulndt hurt me all the time. I really thought that. I don't know why I thought that other people don't hurt you but I did. I am so stupid.

Other people do hurt disgusting things

OP, a think a kitchen comes under buildings insurance rather than contents insurance. I presume you still have this? It might be worth speaking to your insurance company to find out. Good luck.

OP have you looked in charity shops or free websites for stuff? You could make do with a couple of shelves to store dry goods and a small fridge til you get your kitchen sorted.

Your self entitlement however sickens me. This lady who kindly offered in the past has every right to not help you now because its her money.

I just don't know where I got it wrong.

OP, I think you sound very sad right now

PLEASE dont allow some vipers on an anonymous web forum hurt you

clearly this woman is a friend and you thought she would help you, and she has not..hey ho

focus your energies on getting things up and running again

and if this thread is upsetting you, well get it deleted

gawd....

Are you hinting at suicide here re: the life insurance? If you are, please ring the samaritans, this is not the right place to get you the help you need.

'Unhinged'
'Sickening'
'Disgusting'

'It's your own fault'.