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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make my excuses and leave?

120 replies

BettySuarez · 14/08/2012 00:09

Arrived today with DH and DS's (in their teens) to stay with my sister for a few days (she has a younger child who absolutely adores his elder cousins so this has been a long awaited visit)

Plan is to stay 3 nights.

Sister has always taken a very laid back approach to housework but oh my goodness the state of the house is terrible and i feel very uncomfortable.

The floors, sofas, tables etc are filthy. The bathrooms and loos are pretty horrible and we have all been accommodated into rooms with unclean bedding (I offered to bring our own but was told not necessary)

My own standards at home are also pretty laid back but my sisters house is just shocking.

I have been trying to help out today around the house and even offered to clean the bathroom for her (I desperately tried to not make it sound like a criticism but more like an acknowledgement of the fact that extra guests must be causing her a lot of extra work)

But she has refused (seemed quite annoyed by my suggestion ). I often think I can detect a level of pride in her voice that she us not 'houseproud'

Anyway, what the hell do we do? I really don't want to upset her and don't want to disappoint my nephew but I don't think I can stay here Sad

Shit shit shit!!!!

OP posts:
CrispyCod · 14/08/2012 00:12

Unclean bedding......yuk. Pretty unacceptable. The rest is really a matter of opinion and dependant on your own standards I suppose.

anditwasallyellow · 14/08/2012 00:14

Agree unclean bedding would be a big no for guests. The rest is down to opinion and personal standards.

icecold · 14/08/2012 00:15

It's not going to harm you in anyway

Of you can't sleep in bed (does it smell?) Strip it down, put in washing machine, ask where clean bedding is...

Why did you ask about cleaning the bathroom? You should of just done it...

Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/08/2012 00:17

So what the hell do I do? I'm not sure if honesty is the best policy here or not?

OP posts:
NewDog · 14/08/2012 00:19

If the alternative is you leave, then you might as well broach the subject.

"Where's the clean bedding" and "where's the bleach" might be a good start :(

AgentZigzag · 14/08/2012 00:19

What's your DHs take on it?

icecold · 14/08/2012 00:20

Just suck it up....I don't get your problem. It's a bit of filth...

Do you love your sister?

AgentZigzag · 14/08/2012 00:20

And DSs?

They've got to stay there too.

LastMangoInParis · 14/08/2012 00:21

Excuses and leave - deffo.
It seems clear that she'll get all huffy if you wash bedding yourself, and no way should you have to sleep in someone else's stinky sheets (eeuw!)
From what you say, if you try and clean the place up - tactfully or more directly - she'll get all sniffy with you. I'd just clear orf quicktime IIWY.

pumpkinsweetie · 14/08/2012 00:23

I would just wash the bedding and clean the loo myself. Just say you like helping outGrin
Is it really that bad?, like real filth and grime ? If it is just have a scrub around the place and a hoover and hopefully it will stay that way a good while

defineme · 14/08/2012 00:24

No honesty is not the best policy if she was shitty when you tried subtle.

I volunteer for charity in people's homes and I've been told that there has to be an actual health hazard for concern to be raised eg broken glass/dirty nappies lying around. Anything else is personal choice.

You secret clean-get in that bathroom, lock the door and bloody clean.
Take the sheets/towels for a service wash tomorrow-sleep on top in clothes for now.
Have you got baby wipes or anything to start with-I've used facial wipes in ther past!

I have a 'dirty' friend. I love her and it's her business. But if I stay there I just walk about picking rubbish up. I wash up and then kind of quickly clean the kitchen. Have a shower and clean the bathroom...

cantspel · 14/08/2012 00:25

No way could i stay in a filthy house even if it was a loved family members filth.

can you pretend to have a phone call from home and have to leave. The cat has been run over or your house burgled?

AgentZigzag · 14/08/2012 00:26

Loving someone doesn't mean you have to like staying in their shitpit with them icecold.

Whether someone cleans their floor once a week or once a day is a matter of opinion.

Someone living in filth and not caring that other people might not like it is something else.

AgentZigzag · 14/08/2012 00:28

Has the house got worse recently do you know OP?

Is it something to be worried about?

cantspel · 14/08/2012 00:28

If the bed is filthy i would worry about bed bugs and the last thing you want to do is pick them up and take them home with you as they are a bloody nightmare to get rid off.

icecold · 14/08/2012 00:31

I would just wash sheets and clean up zig if it was the difference between spending time with someone I love or going home. Meh

wellwisher · 14/08/2012 00:32

She's your sister - just be honest! And start cleaning...

cantspel · 14/08/2012 00:33

If you are honest she might kick you out anyway so it will solve the problem for you Grin

squeakytoy · 14/08/2012 00:33

If you cant be honest with your sister, then who else is going to tell her. Is it really filthy though, or just not as clean as your own house would be? Ie, is it a bit of pet hair and dust, or is it stale food, dirty pots and pans, overflowing bins and ashtrays sort of mess?

If you are prepared to leave anyway, then I would take her to one side and say that either she lets you help her tidy up, or you are going home. If she gets the hump over it, then go.

If I knew I had guests coming, I would make an effort to hoover, dust, polish, and clean the bathroom.

CuriousMama · 14/08/2012 00:34

I was thinking bedbugs too.

I'm pretty laid back but would never have a dirty bathroom or kitchen and always have clean bedding.

I stayed at a friend's house recently and her cats had been sleeping in the spare bed. The white sheets were black with hair! I used to have a cat allergy when young and it came back with a vengeance. I was holding my throat on the landing gasping for breath when she heard me and came out. She did change the bedding as I had to tell her what the problem was in between gasps.

Anyway sorry, bit of a flashback there Wink

Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/08/2012 00:37

The sofa is crusted with goodness knows what, its a dry crustiness at least but the boys are sleeping on there tonight with blankets that are not clean. I feel so sad about it Sad

All brushed our teeth in the kitchen sink tonight as both bathroom and downstairs loos and sinks are really unclean. Very grimy slimy sinks, one dirty bar of soap in downstairs loo. Pubes and pop on loo seat. No fresh towels for drying hands on, managed to find one damp towel with rather ominous marks on it.

Floors are wooden but muddy and dirty, very obviously not been swept or vacuumed for a long time.

DH doesn't seem to have noticed, boys seem subdued but it just be that they are away from home comforts.

On Wednesday, big family get together planned so it's going to be difficult to escape Sad

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 14/08/2012 00:38

I can't see 'I'll just pop all this bedding from our three beds in the washer for you DSister, seeing as you seemed to have forgotten to do it before we came' going down without comment icecold Grin

And then they need drying too, it'll be early o'clock before anyone gets to bed.

CuriousMama · 14/08/2012 00:41

Doesn't she have clean bedding in the airing cupboard?

It sounds pretty grim to me. You may have to say something? What do your dcs think?

defineme · 14/08/2012 00:44

Just start cleaning...
One night on a filthy sofa won't kill them-filthy shared student houses didn't kill me.
Feeling sad is a bit ott- or do you mean you don't like to think of her living this way.
My friend is honestly happy in her dirt-it's no worse than people who smoke at home or whatever-plenty do.
It's not nice, but get a grip. Clean with loo roll/kitchen roll/wipes. Use clothes as clean towels.

AgentZigzag · 14/08/2012 00:45

Three possible things you could do -

-tell your sister you're worried about her because she seems to be struggling to keep on top of things and WTF is going on, and offer to help her clean up the place (which doesn't sort you tonight, but means you can stay a couple of days if she agrees).

-not say anything, stay there without going to the loo/eating/keeping yourselves clean and never darken her door again.

-say you don't want to impose on her and stay at a travel lodge or something.

Whatever you do will be uncomfortable so it's choosing the lesser of evils.