To want to tell my sister exactly how annoyed i am with her? Long, sorry.

[neverontime]

I am 4.5 weeks pregnant. It has been very traumatic as i found out really early, 2 weeks ago, and had spotting for over a week, my GP thought i could be losing my baby. Anyway, so far so good, baby is hanging in there.

I went away with my Sister, Mum and my 2 children last week. My sis refused to acknowledge the fact i was pregnant and wouldnt talk about it at all, her excuse was, she didnt want the holiday to be about me. But, in my defense, i only mentioned it once, when i said my DD wanted to name the baby Lucy.

We came back from holiday friday, and i met my sister saturday for an afternoon shopping. While we were out in town, my sister brought up the baby and said she was uncomfortable talking about it for a few reasons, her reasons are:

1. My sister thinks its unfair i dont have to work for another 5 years when she is stuck in a job she hates.
2. She thinks i've had my chance to have babies and its her turn now. (my youngest is 4, and my sister isnt even trying for a baby yet).
3. She think its unfair on my other 2 DCs that they have to share me with another baby
4. SHe thinks my DC will miss out on a lot because all my time and money will be spent on the new baby.
5. My sister said if i have twins, (they run in my DPs family) she will never even try for a baby as twins are something she had always wanted, not me.
6. She thinks its unfair i may get funding to re-train as a teaching assistant after my baby is born (i'm currently volunteering at my DCs school as an unqualified teaching assistant)
7. She thinks i will take away the specialness of her having a baby if i have one close to her having one. (Again, she isnt even trying, shes still on the pill)
8. She doesnt want me to mention my pregnancy as it makes her angry.

Sorry for rambling, but i feel so upset that my sister has taken my pregnancy and made it all about how she feels. Having a baby should be something to be celebrated, not hidden away like a dirty little secret.

So, do you think i need to say something to her, or just leave her to her thoughts and see how she feels later on.
And how do i tell her how i feel? I'm too scared to tell her face to face because she was so angry the other day.

She sounds like an immature little girl with some serious issues to work through. Don't let her negativity ruin what is supposed to be such a happy time for you.

She is clearly beside herslef with jealously, and feeling totally miseralbe, I don't think you need to say anything, I guess she knows she is being unreasonable!

If you have ever wanted a baby when circumstancially or medically you couldn't have one, it is absolute hell, so just give her aq bit of space and try to understand.

Thank you CrispyCod Do you think i should tell her how i feel?

I'd have told her to go fuck herself before she got to point three personally. Can't believe you say through the whole ridiculous rant.

There are two options. One, she's a self involved, selfish little madam who wants the world to revolve around her. Two, there is something you don't know which is making her react like this. Are you sure she's on the pill and not trying unsuccesfully to conceive?

I would have thought if it was the first one, you would have noticed this in her personality prior to this. So if that's not the case, then it might be worth trying (or trying to get your mum to) probe gently about if there is more to this.

Hope your little bean is a sticky one and you get this resolved!

Your sister is a spoiled little princess,don't raise your own blood pressure by trying to engage with her on any level about this.It won't get you anyway except Stressville.

Stay clear of her and leave her to stew in her own bitterness,it will be obvious to everyone how unreasonable she is being.Concentrate on having a calm and stress free pregnancy.

Congratulations on your good news,hope it all goes smoothly :)

Lemonpie I do understand, me and my DP were trying for over a year to have a baby. But my sister isnt trying! She is only thinking about starting a family.
Perhaps, i am being a little selfish myself, expecting everyone to be as happy as i am.

Are you 100% sure she is on the pill and not ttc? Does she predict fertility issues for either herself or her partner? I'm not excusing her behaviour but I reckon there's more to it.

To be honest, I think if you attempt to discuss it with her she will just escalate the whole thing, you'll get upset, worked up etc., which is not what you need right now.

Maybe show her this thread???? Maybe not, it may tip her over the edge!

Is she having some kind of mental breakdown?

Sounds insane

Are you sure she hasn't miscarried recently?

Thank you Clytaemnestra and HildaOgden. I feel like i need to say something, i know my sister is on the pill because she bought it with her on holiday, altho i know she is scared she wont be able to have any babies of her own, but thats just her paranoia.

whether she is actively trying or not, I still think this is jealousy. She may logically have decided not to TTC just right now, but that doesn't stop natural maternal instincts!

Just leave her to it, and I agree with other posters, don't stress yourself, don't escalate it, don't even broaqch the subject with her.look after yourself, and give her space to get over it.

Best wishes

@ icecold possibly a mental breakdown, altho my mum and i suspect its more likely she believes the whole world should revolve around her.

She sounds like an absolute dick! Sorry I know she's your sister but wow!

Maybe icecold is right, she might have recently had a miscarriage, abortion or pregnancy "scare", then realised she wasn't. while realising she had hoped she was.

She clearly has major issues about this, but that isn't your problem, just look after yourself.

You're right, she desperately wants to be a mum, but shes decided for whatever reason, to not try at the moment. Surely that doesnt excuse her attitude towards my baby?

your sister is not UR to think these irrational things, I've been GREEN with broody-jealousy in the past, absolutely LIVID with whoever it was at the time

BUT you KNOW its irrational, and you KNOW you are UR to act on it like your sister has!

I have a "friend" like this, she is on the pill, lashes out at me because she worries that her med history means she might never have a baby, but wont try at the moment (with her long term partner) because she has things she wants to do first [hmmm] - she's an absolute bitch! I'ld understand if she FELT like lashing out at me when pregnant, but to actually do it is unforgivable. Dumped!

Unbelievable attitude. Either she is insanely jealous due to her own insecurities re conception/ pregnancy, or she is completely self-centred and unreasonable. How is your having another baby anything to do with her hating her job?!

Is this a younger sister or an older (jealous) sister? FFS she needs to get a grip, get a life and stop being so negative..... and jealous.....

YANBU, regarding your sister, but (in my view) 4 weeks is very early to be announcing a pregnancy, and especially to your daughter too.

Lol at 'unqualified teaching assistant'. Surely you're just a parent helper?

And wow at finding out you were pregnant at 2.5 weeks pregnant. It'll feel like a very long pregnancy!

Tbh I think yab(a bit)u wanting to tell her how you feel. She obviously has some issues and needs to deal with them without you making her feel worse.

Enjoy your pregnancy and ignore her wallowing

This is so clearly barking she can't be well.

I agree with other posters who think she must be having a tough time around conception and pregnancy right now.
Either that or she really is incredibly self centred - does she have form for this kind of behaviour?

Such a shame for you OP but perhaps if she's going through some unhappiness unknown to you it's easier to understand and feel less hurt by her?

Wishing you a healthy, worry-free pregnancy.

Ok, well she obviously has some issues that she needs to deal with, i wonder if i could help her with that? Maybe i shouldn't have told her because i knew she really wants one of her own. Maybe i was selfish for telling her so quickly. Maybe i should've waited.

4 weeks is very early to be discovering a pregnancy never mind announcing it. I might have kept my gob shut a fair bit longer tbh.

If she's over the age of 14 she needs to pluck her head out of her arse.

What a stuck up cow !!!! I would give her what for!!!