To want to tell my sister exactly how annoyed i am with her? Long, sorry.

[neverontime]

I am 4.5 weeks pregnant. It has been very traumatic as i found out really early, 2 weeks ago, and had spotting for over a week, my GP thought i could be losing my baby. Anyway, so far so good, baby is hanging in there.

I went away with my Sister, Mum and my 2 children last week. My sis refused to acknowledge the fact i was pregnant and wouldnt talk about it at all, her excuse was, she didnt want the holiday to be about me. But, in my defense, i only mentioned it once, when i said my DD wanted to name the baby Lucy.

We came back from holiday friday, and i met my sister saturday for an afternoon shopping. While we were out in town, my sister brought up the baby and said she was uncomfortable talking about it for a few reasons, her reasons are:

1. My sister thinks its unfair i dont have to work for another 5 years when she is stuck in a job she hates.
2. She thinks i've had my chance to have babies and its her turn now. (my youngest is 4, and my sister isnt even trying for a baby yet).
3. She think its unfair on my other 2 DCs that they have to share me with another baby
4. SHe thinks my DC will miss out on a lot because all my time and money will be spent on the new baby.
5. My sister said if i have twins, (they run in my DPs family) she will never even try for a baby as twins are something she had always wanted, not me.
6. She thinks its unfair i may get funding to re-train as a teaching assistant after my baby is born (i'm currently volunteering at my DCs school as an unqualified teaching assistant)
7. She thinks i will take away the specialness of her having a baby if i have one close to her having one. (Again, she isnt even trying, shes still on the pill)
8. She doesnt want me to mention my pregnancy as it makes her angry.

Sorry for rambling, but i feel so upset that my sister has taken my pregnancy and made it all about how she feels. Having a baby should be something to be celebrated, not hidden away like a dirty little secret.

So, do you think i need to say something to her, or just leave her to her thoughts and see how she feels later on.
And how do i tell her how i feel? I'm too scared to tell her face to face because she was so angry the other day.

Yeah, I am following the dates now & what QoD says (minus profanities) is true, the dates don't make sense physiologically. Not unless you're a freak of nature who deserves own writeup in a medical journal.

ProfanitIES? I only swore once, didn't I? That's a record for me I think, foul mouthed cow I am!

And you should think yourself lucky - I managed to mention clearblue digital without launching into a hate campaign and boring you all to death with reasons why they are an overpriced con

Back to the OP......

Are you sure that she has decided to not TTC now? Or is it that her DH doesnt want to and thats why she is kicking off?

I am not saying she is being reasonable, she really isnt, but trying to understand why this suddenly happened on your third PG but not your other two.

The point of this thread is not when the op got pregnant or which test she did when. (fwiw I had bloods done to test after IVF, and my hormone levels were completely 'wrong' for how many days pregnant I was, and I knew to the minute when fertilization and implantation took place. My scans also disagreed with the dates. People are different and can break from the norm at any moment).

Op congrats on your pregnancy. Your dsis is right about the things she said, in that deluded people who worry more about looks than people's real feelings may think some of those things. Otherwise she's just being a twat.

She's older than you isn't she? She resents money being spent on you as a baby.

She is also bang out of order. Lets hope when the time comes she has triplets.

Tell her you won't talk about baby until you are 12w+, which is the timeframe many people choose to announce their pg. Up until then, discussions over pg might be best limited to your partner - even your mum will report back to her.

And stop talking about it to the kids, it will be a looooong 9 months and of course this pg is not actually viable yet, try explaining that to a 4yr old.

OP, congtrats on your pregnancy. Fwiw I knew I was pregnant very early too - we were actively trying and I felt different one month so did a test the day before my period was due and it was positive. I knew my ovulation date as well as my LMP date, so knew I was about two weeks pregnant. Didn't announce it until after 12 week scan though. If you want to know how many weeks, why not get one of those digital tests that tells you?

As for your sister she's being a completely unreasonable, self-centred, jealous bitch. You can't possibly go for the whole of the next 8 months or so not talking about your pregnancy, and why should you?! Next time she starts giving you ridiculous demands, just say 'I understand that you must have your reasons for not wanting to hear about my pregnancy but they're unreasonable, not to mention irrelevant as I'm already pregnant. We're happy about this baby and I'll be talking about it whenever I like. If you can't be happy for us and your new nephew/niece, then I'll understand if you prefer not to be around me as much while I'm pregnant but please don't try to force ridiculous demands on me and my family that I'm/we're not going to comply with.'

You honestly need to call her on it or this will go on for the duration - she may even take her issues out on your new baby and treat it differently to your current children. If I were you I'd also ensure your DH, mum and other family members know exactly what she said so they know what's going on (including her DH), in case it gets out of hand months down the line.

Oh, and don't go shopping - or anywhere else - with her again unless someone else is also there. I can see this running and running unless you put your foot down now and also put some distancing measures in place.

Your sister is being very unreasonable, and weird in a bad way, but I'd not talk about it to her any longer.

Your sister clearly is quite immature and self-centred. I think she has decided that she doesn't want to have children of the same age as any of yours, so that they can be the centre-of-attention and not have to share the privilige of being "the baby" that grandparents dote on. She has probably privately resolved that she isn't going to TTC until your youngest is 5, and is now worried that this might not happen until she is approaching menopause herself. Clearly she needs to get over herself.

I agree that pre-12-weeks is too early to discuss anything baby-related and you should keep the topic on other things for now - get her in a good mood by keeping the focus of the conversation solely on her for a bit, and ask her about her own feelings about your own cousins. Did you have cousins much older, much younger or about the same ages as you when you were growing up? How did you get on with them? For me, I always thought that it was a good thing for cousins to be all a similar age so they could be a band of mayhem-causers together at family gatherings, but maybe she thinks that cousins that are a lot younger than other cousins get a better deal in some way? Don't talk about your own or her putative childen in this context - just you and her as children and your own cousins - and see how she feels.

I'd ask for a scan to check dates as ovulating super early and getting a positive test super early sounds improbable when you could have got pregnant late last cycle and your period simply been a small bleed - especially if you've had other problems with bleeding.

Wouldn't it be great to find out you're more pregnant than you think you are? :)

Re your sister, is she normally a cow? Or could she possibly be having issues in her own life that are causing her resentment at your good news? Perhaps you should ask her nicely before calling her out for being a bitch.

I'd be suggesting, in a kind way, that your sister considers counselling. Her reactions are not normal and she does not sound happy.

Well, it's all very heavy and unpleasant and I think she sounds as if she has a lot going on in her life. But you did tell awfully early and that always smacks of a look at me look at me attitude.

I don't agree that it smacks of a look at me look at me attitude - when I was ttc my mum knew day by day if there was any sign of a period or whatever and, if I had a sister, I would assume that it would be similar.

Wow op - is this a new and unusual development in her personality or has she always been an complete bitch? Is there any way you can discreetly find out if something is going on eg a miscarriage or she is secretly ttc and it's not happening ? If that is not the case then her attitude is beyond awful and I would avoid her/the subject for a long time and let her stew in her own acidic juice

Your sister is being unreasonable on the face of it. But, I suspect there's a little bit more to it than what you've said.

If you knew she was desperate to have kids, then how did you tell her? And all the stuff about you being 2 weeks pregnant is impossible, as QoD has pointed out. So I can kind of see how you saying you were that far along and then talking about names might have got her back up.

I'd give her some space - it sounds like you both need some. Id maybe try calling her again in a couple of weeks when she's got used to the idea and you've both calmed down a bit.

What gets me about this is that you reckon to be "4.5 weeks pregnant" now and you told your family, including your other DCs more than a week ago!
Do people do pregnancy tests the morning after they have sex these days? In my day we would wait at least 6 weeks after a missed period, then get the GP to do the test. Generally we didn't know for sure until about 8 weeks and wouldn't have dreamt of mentioning it until 3 months.

It's all not quaite naice IMO to discuss one's bodily functions in such intimate detail.

Why on earth would she lie about being pregnant?

Jesus fucking christ.

Why did your GP send a urine sample to the hospital to be tested?

When she announced it is none of our business though. That's her choice.

I don't think the OP should be made to feel guilty by her sister or anyone else for being excited that she is pregnant.

Fucks sake can posters stop cross questioning the OP on whether or not she is actually pregnant?? Its irrelevant how far along/how she knows etc etc. How interfering....

FWIW your sister sounds like a bitch. There's no way I'd have been able to keep quiet at that outburst.

I suggest next time she starts, you tell her she has two options:

1. Be happy for you
2. If she can't be happy, then she should shut the fuck up and keep her insanity to herself.

I think that stands even if she is having trouble conceiving tbh (not that it sounds like she is).

OP, I've just read the beginning of the thread but I had to double check to see it wasnt myself under a namechange who had posted this.

My own (darling, actually) sister did exactly the same to me a few months ago. Her reasons were almost exactly the same but she did not mention her own wish to become pregnant - which I know she does, dearly, but is having trouble getting her partner to agree to it.

I wasn't sure what her true motives were for launching such a weird 'attack' but as she is older than me, and has done the same thing before, a few times, about other issues, I decided to handle it differently this time.

I told her I was really sorry that she was upset by my news and that I was still there if she wanted to make contact again - but that I just was sad to have upset her.
I know she is protective towards me and means no harm, even though it really hurt.

Last time she did it, a few years ago, I actually reacted badly and told her to fuck off and she didn't speak to me for 2 years

This time it took her a few months to come round, I stayed pleasant and willing to be in touch throughout, and we are Ok, I think - though I've just had to tell her I've split up with the baby's father and not sure how that will go down.

I don't know if my sis is jealous or not - it doesn't matter, I see it as her own issues and there's nothing I can do about them. My life isn't played out according to her instructions, had she told me not to get pg I might have listened but I thought she would be pleased about it. And it was too late then.

just hope this helps a bit, best of luck, and try if you can not to make things worse - just accept that she will probably regret it and apologise at some stage.

I never did TTC, not really I mean, I didn't even get a test in some pregnancies, just rocked up to GP & said I knew I must be because I was so many weeks late. It amazes me how into TTC folk can get. Like OP testing the day she was due & came on, & then again only ?13 days later. Is that normal if you're keen about TTC?

Sorry OP, don't mean to pick on your story. But it's odd how into TTC you are in some ways & seemingly ignorant in others.

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy. Secondly, YANBU - your sister needs to grow up. She's definitely got issues. Don't let her ruin your pregancy. Thirdly - I think Lucy is a lovely name. Good luck!

I think your sister is TTC and not having any luck. That would explain her hysterical reaction. There is no other word than hysterical to describe her.

Does she always opine on your life style choices? Really it's none of her business if you suddenly turn in to a one woman Mrs Duggar and have 20 children - it isn't impacting on her.

What did your mother make of her little hystrionic outburst? Has your sister always been so indulged in her opinions?