To want to tell my sister exactly how annoyed i am with her? Long, sorry.

[neverontime]

I am 4.5 weeks pregnant. It has been very traumatic as i found out really early, 2 weeks ago, and had spotting for over a week, my GP thought i could be losing my baby. Anyway, so far so good, baby is hanging in there.

I went away with my Sister, Mum and my 2 children last week. My sis refused to acknowledge the fact i was pregnant and wouldnt talk about it at all, her excuse was, she didnt want the holiday to be about me. But, in my defense, i only mentioned it once, when i said my DD wanted to name the baby Lucy.

We came back from holiday friday, and i met my sister saturday for an afternoon shopping. While we were out in town, my sister brought up the baby and said she was uncomfortable talking about it for a few reasons, her reasons are:

1. My sister thinks its unfair i dont have to work for another 5 years when she is stuck in a job she hates.
2. She thinks i've had my chance to have babies and its her turn now. (my youngest is 4, and my sister isnt even trying for a baby yet).
3. She think its unfair on my other 2 DCs that they have to share me with another baby
4. SHe thinks my DC will miss out on a lot because all my time and money will be spent on the new baby.
5. My sister said if i have twins, (they run in my DPs family) she will never even try for a baby as twins are something she had always wanted, not me.
6. She thinks its unfair i may get funding to re-train as a teaching assistant after my baby is born (i'm currently volunteering at my DCs school as an unqualified teaching assistant)
7. She thinks i will take away the specialness of her having a baby if i have one close to her having one. (Again, she isnt even trying, shes still on the pill)
8. She doesnt want me to mention my pregnancy as it makes her angry.

Sorry for rambling, but i feel so upset that my sister has taken my pregnancy and made it all about how she feels. Having a baby should be something to be celebrated, not hidden away like a dirty little secret.

So, do you think i need to say something to her, or just leave her to her thoughts and see how she feels later on.
And how do i tell her how i feel? I'm too scared to tell her face to face because she was so angry the other day.

I can't think of any circumstances where her bahaviour would be okay

I can think of many where BEING upset or jealous or even distancing herself from the OP would be totally understandable, but nope, can't think of any where the actual behaviour would be excusable!

I personally wouldnt have told such a young child at such an early stage, I think this has puzzled some posters. I dont think anyone here unless Im reading posts wrong has actually queestioned if OP is pregnant, just how far along she is - and its a discussion forum where people dont always stick to original point as others arise as thread progresses so I dont think this is wrong either.

As to your original point OP, I think there is a huge difference between being jealous and the rant your sister gave to you, it doesnt really matter if she is TTC or not or jealous, theres no way in earth she should have said all those things to you. I have been that jealous person and would never had dreamed of letting in this case my friend know how I really felt. As your pregnancy progresses it will become more and more physically obvious so whats she going to do then - ignore it?? As to the effects on your other children - exactly what has this got to do with her?

And yes OP I would tell her how you feel - shes quick at telling you how she feels isnt she, is your relationship solely based on her feelings to the exclusion and detriment of yours?

There's no identified genetic cause of identical twins like there is with fraternal but there's every possibility of something in the ovum that causes a split.

The ovum is half sperm half egg so although I'm not genetically related to my dh my ovum definitely was!

"I dont think anyone here unless Im reading posts wrong has actually queestioned if OP is pregnant, just how far along she is"

someone did, said we were all getting sucked into a fake thread as it was impossible, might have been deleted though

Lacking - I know 14 days is not exact. I never said its impossible to ovulate early. I said the time frames given for ovulation - finding out is impossible which it is, especially with ov tests because they only detect much higher levels of hCG.

Anyway, I'm not accusing anyone of lying, but if I were OP I would be booking an early dating scan to make sure because what she says doesn't add up.

And I agree the sister is UR for her behaviour. I've been on the receiving end of it before and its horrible. If OPs sister is having trouble concieving that is sad, but its not OPs fault and she should not be made to feel ashamed for not having the same problems.

its not impossible to get a +ive that early on SOME tests, I got a +ive before my period was due and I OV very late! so it is possible for someone who OVs very early to get a positive on SOME tests somewhere in the middle of their cycle

(I don't recommend testing early though, just couldn't help myself, and it was still negative on most brands untill around period time, but some did show a faint line)

Lacking unless I'm reading wrong though, the op tested because ovulation tests were showing positive - ie ov tests were detecting hCG. Ov tests are not sensitive at all and require a decent amount of hCG for pregnancy to cause a positive. I think its more likely OP concieved last cycle, and the "period" was wither a false one or an implantation bleed and the later spotting a break through bleed.

Of course, this has no bearing on her sisters behaviour, I just would not want her to turn up for her 12 week scan much further along and miss out on NT scan etc. That's the only reason I mentioned it, not as a critisism in any way. I just think she should be sure.

with DS1 my OV sticks kept testing positive.. for more than a couple of days.. I personally put it down to them being rubbish from ebay and not working because I didn't understand them but looking back they were telling me I was pregnant I just didn't make that connection

its not particularly reliable, but you can get an early hint about a positive from your OV tests, do need a proper pregnancy test to isolate it as definitely that though

Randomness - for completeness, the ovum is the Latin name for your egg. Once it is fertilised with the sperm, it becomes the zygote, which then becomes an embryo, then a foetus, then the baby.

OP - your sister is either utterly self-centred, or having her own issues around babies. Either way, she had no business saying all that crap to you - and you have no need to do anything about it. Just in case she is having her own troubles, I would take her at her word and refuse to discuss anything more about the baby with her, including how much she has annoyed you. If she is unable to work out how much she has pissed you off by your continued refusal to discuss it, then she's obviously doing the self-centred mememe thing.

I hope that you can get past her behaviour, which, however you look at it, is ridiculous.

why are people banging on about not knowing or knowing early? DC1 was utterly desperately wanted. i did POAS every single day both before and during my period, and found out after about a week that i was pg. I could pinpoint it, because i was abroad on work and damn well knew when i had had sex after my return!

And I told a friend when I was about 14 days as i was so damned excited. (and then POAS for a good 2 weeks after, as i wanted to be sure!)

Chips - I think it's because an earlyish poster chose to use that issue to cast doubt on the reality of the whole thread. But that's been deleted now (good) and some people have just remained sidetracked.

Thanks. I was a bit bamboozled! (and am in an arsey mood too!).

Thumbwitch it's obviously been a lot longer since my A-level biology than I realised

Zygote, I meant zygote.

Yellowdinasour is spot on.

To add: I've been TTC for a year and my sis is due in a few weeks, conceived first month of trying! Yes I'm a bit but I would never say anything to her and I know it will be hard when the baby is born but that's my issue not hers! I'm still excited about my new nephew/niece.

I think she has probably been TTC for a while. Cut her some slack.

Yes sancerreity because she should be excused for childish and ridiculous behaviour, belittling and disrecting her sister just in case she's ttc. I think you should tell her to stfu and get a grip tbh op.

I have friends who long term TTC and have had horrible losses, some very late.. none have ever said anything like what the OPs sister is saying - I think to excuse her because of TTCing is tarriing TTCers with an unflattering brush TBH

I excuse a lot of things for reasons or suspected reasons like this - a bit of stand-offishness, a break in contact, a reluctance to help me sort through my baby clothes (not that I would inflict that on anyone anyway!) etc, but don't think the OPs sis should be excused, whatever her personal anxieties

the OP is not being unsympathetic by not accepting vile behaviour towards her

When my elder sister announced her third pregnancy I felt sad too. I still had no kids and found it frustrating I never saw my sister. Now her kids are teens we spend more adult time together, so it did take a long time.

Just keep loving your sister and give it all some time.

Congrats on the pregnancy.

She sounds like a very selfish person :(

If she thinks she might not have children then she should value your children even more!! I was lttc and lots of my friends all of them! got pregnant whilst we were ttc, yes it hurt that I wasn't pregnant with them but my logic was that if we never got a baby then my friend's/sister's/cousin's kids would be the closet I got to having a family of my own so if anything I made more of a fuss of their babies.

I hope you have lots of lovely friends to surround yourself with, your sister's behaviour is nasty and rude.

Oh and big congratulations!!

Thank you everyone who replied to me.
You've all definately given me a lot to think about, i started to wonder if my last period was actually a proper period at all.
So on Tuesday i decided to go to the Doctors again and mentioned that i may be further along than i thought ( i used all your comments as my own ideas)
And, as i am not 100% sure when i conceived i am being sent for a dating scan as soon as they can fit me in.

As for the reason for my original post, I've decided not to say anthing to my sister, as i dont really know why she feels like she does, and obviously doesnt want to tell me either, so i'll have to see how it all goes with her. We still speak, mainly about my other two DCs, but at least we've not fallen out.

And as for people not understanding why i told people early, if you read through my earlier posts, you'd see that i had no choice. My DD overheard me and my DP discussing the baby and i decided to tell my CLOSE family before my DD blurted it out!

People don't need to 'understand' why you tell people when you choose to tell them... it's none of their business :)

Your sister is selfish and downright nasty. I can understand any jealousy and hurt she might feel were she actively trying to conceive but what she said to you is just plain selfish and not on, whether she is TTC or not. How rude... expecting your pregnancy to be a non event...???

I have been TTC for nigh on 10 years and my brothers and their wives have had 6 kids in the interim.. I have never ONCE made any nasty/unbecoming comment toward them.. yes I have cried myself to sleep for nights after learning a new baby was on the way as it reminded me of my own lack (they don't know this of course).. but my problems are not their problems and I am joyous to be having yet another new niece/nephew.

Your sister needs to take her head out of her own ass. And be a support to her sister.

Have a good pregnancy :)

It is just me wondering where you can buy The Angel Gabriel pregnancy testing kit.