DH wants me to apologise for washing his wallet which was in his trousers. I think it shouldn't have been in the washing basket. Who's right?

[IHeartKingThistle]

I have said that I should have checked the pockets (I usually do) but I'm not apologising because he left his trousers and wallet in the wash basket.
This is the most pointless pathetic crappy fight ever. He's pretty much ignoring me now. I am more than happy to agree to disagree but he seems to think only an apology from me will stop it. I'm quite upset now. We were having a lovely weekend too.

If I were you I'd commit a series of washing faux pas, like putting a red sock in with his white shirts and shrinking his jumpers till he realises that you are obviously so rubbish at washing his clothes that he does them himself.

Then suggest that he does yours and DCs too, whilst shrugging apologetically and saying "But you're so much better at it than me".

This is my MO with DS WRT making breakfast, and it seems to be working.

I would say, 'oh dear look what has happened to your wallet, that's a pity isn't it' which expresses commmiserations without accepting blame. That is reasonable. I can't imagine the wallet is too badly affected though - is it ruined? Was it very expensive?

I wonder if he know's it is entirely fault as it's pretty reckless to not take care of your wallet in such a way that you leave it in your pocket in the first place and then dump it in the washing basket? You have apologised for your part in it happening.

Is he always so rubbish at backing and admitting he's been an arse over something so trivial?

I just asked my DH, and he said who cares?

I think that kind of sums it up TBH. Your DH is an arse for demanding apologies and not just saying now where shall we dry it?

The only way you'd be in the wrong would be if you'd specifically agreed that whoever does the laundry checks the pockets. He was an idiot, don't apologise.

These things happen. They are especially likely to happen when the person who owns the wallet is unprepared to take responsibility for its whereabouts and assumes that it is the role of their partner to behave like a sodding valet.

SirBoobalot not feeling disloyal about feeling annoyed, feeling disloyal for posting on here.

He is not explosive at all - there's not an aggressive bone in his body. But he can sulk. I have lots of faults too!

Thanks so much for the replies - I did not apologise and he has now given up the sulk. I am still not happy and he knows it.

I would really appreciate any tips on how to avoid little disagreements escalating into 6 hour marathons though. It's exhausting.

He is very unreasonable. Show him this thread to settle the argument.

I would really appreciate any tips on how to avoid little disagreements escalating into 6 hour marathons though. It's exhausting.

I should think it is! To be honest, I can't abide sulkers and know that I couldn't live with one. I think sulking is extraordinarily childish behaviour so have you considered treating him like one when he looks about to embark on a marathon?

How?

Put him on the naughty step?

(Sorry)

Actually, I think I would simply put on "The Voice" and ask how just long he was planning to behave like a 5 year old for because I'd assumed I'd married an adult so would prefer him to cope with minor domestic upsets in a more mature manner.

What pandemoniaa said.

Unless you are going to come on here and admit that actually, you pull this kind of childish stuff too, the problem lies with him and he needs to stop being a manchild.

His fault. He shouldn't have left them in there. Fair enough for you to check normally but it's his responsibility to check before he puts them in the basket.

I would really appreciate any tips on how to avoid little disagreements escalating into 6 hour marathons though

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Tell him 'let me know when you've finished sulking' then go out. The more you ignore it, the less he will do it.

I would really appreciate any tips on how to avoid little disagreements escalating into 6 hour marathons though

Is this a regular thing then? I'd be removing myself from the situation at the earliest sign of a marathon sulk to let him know it wouldn't be tolerated.

It depends what went on during the 6 hours though, eg if it ended up in an ongoing slanging match or there were little jibes from both sides with the original argument being largely irrelevant?

I sulk, partly because I don't like confrontation, partly through worrying it's my fault.

However, I know that this is an ineffective means of communication, and I am forcing myself to be more open with DH and not to sulk it's really bloody difficult. However, I would do that over BIG issues not overe bloody washing! Could you enforcing a conversation help him get over his sulk? Not effective long term but may help avoid six hour long arguments.

It's his fault, in this house there's so much washing to do that I dont always remember to check the pockets of DH's clothes so that's his responsibility. My children don't really have stuff in their pockets, but they have been advised the same.

It was an accident, neither of you should sweat the small stuff. He's being petty, pathetic and unreasonable to 'demand' an apology just because he wants to feel vindicated. He needs to get over himself and grow up and seconding showing him this thread!

Checking pockets is the responsibility of the person whose pockets they are (not v. grammatical but you get my drift).

Friend of mine who has the same rule once washed and tumble dried a bag of weed that her DP had left in his pockets

I do most all of the washing because I work PT. The rule is: If you are under 7, I check the pockets. If you are an adult and you put it in the laundry basket, I don't. If you are an adult and I have picked up the laundry from the floor of the bedroom because I couldn't stand it any more then I will try to remember to check the pockets, but if I forget I will be slightly apologetic because it wasn't in the laundry basket it was in some sort of halfway position that I don't entirely understand. Either way, we will agree that the person who does all the washing deserves gratitude and not sulks.

It's obviously his fault but, meh, just apologise and move on and make his life a living hell for as long as you feel the need mwahahahaha

Both me and dh check pockets before putting washing on. Keys wallets ect have there place when we come in...... Anything else is profit :)

I believe the only correct response was "do your own fucking laundry"

Tell him to do his own washing in the future.

Tell him to do his own washing from now on.

Problem solved.