DH wants me to apologise for washing his wallet which was in his trousers. I think it shouldn't have been in the washing basket. Who's right?

[IHeartKingThistle]

I have said that I should have checked the pockets (I usually do) but I'm not apologising because he left his trousers and wallet in the wash basket.
This is the most pointless pathetic crappy fight ever. He's pretty much ignoring me now. I am more than happy to agree to disagree but he seems to think only an apology from me will stop it. I'm quite upset now. We were having a lovely weekend too.

I am amazed at how few of you actually check pockets before you load washing into the machine.
I always check pockets as I will be the poor sod who has to pick the shredded tissue off the dark clothing if one has been left in a pocket.
I would, however, still blame the owner of the clothing for any offending items left in pockets (assuming I could identify which pocket it came from).

Can't abide sulkers, tell him to get a grip. You didn't deliberately wash his wallet so can't see why you'd need to apologise.

Checking pockets before washing is natural as everybody can make a mistake. Unless you did this out of spite then your DH is being unreasonable. I would be peed off he thought I needed to say sorry for something unintentional and put a sign up in thelaundry room that adults pockets will no longer be checked.

his fault, but more concerning to me is that he requires an apology
I find that ridiculous

You were washing his clothes FOR HIM

Shove his wallet up his arse

What is all this 'fault' nonsense anyway???

Fault applies to acts of deliberate unkindness.

Not a DAMP WALLET.

this reminds me of that scene in Under Milk Wood where that bloke sits opposite his wife every morning reading Lives of the Great Poisoners at breakfast.

I would hazard that A DAMP WALLET is the least of the troubles here.

This sounds like he was thinking you have become a SAHM, great that means you are now my Mother and I don't have to be responsible for anything at all in the house because you are going to do it every single thing and is now in shock because that doesn't appear to be happening.

I agree with the summit meeting at the pub.

(and the clue is in the job title - stay-at-home MUM not stay-at-home housekeeper)

Bloody hell, I have been known to leave a tissue in my pocket, but his wallet! Honestly, his wallet; his responsibility! OP, you have done nothing wrong, so have no need to apologise. It would have been great if by chance you could have saved him from his carelessness, but you didn't, so that's an end to it. YADNBU.

I bet you do end up apologising though op. Just to keep the peace. Does he usually sulk until you cave in? He can't seriously be that bothered. Mistakes happen, it doesn't really matter who's 'fault' it is. Unless he has a problem accepting responsibility for his actions sometimes? Is he sensitive to criticism usually?

Shove his wallet up his arse

Makes a nice change from 'leave him'.

YANBU - says the woman who washed her DH's address book (it was a long time ago, when people still had such things). It wasn't OK. There was a row. I never apologised.

Since then, he's checked his own pockets.

I also don't turn his clothes the right way out, or open up sock balls.The washing happens to be my responsibility, but anything in the wash basket is ready to be washed IMO.

Hang on a minute

I think we're all slightly mistaking what it means to say 'sorry'.

It's not "I humbly apologise for having been so utterly foolhardy as to undertake a household task so poorly that I have damaged your precious, precious thing: please forgive me!"

It's just manners. A bit like when you tread on someone's toe.

I mean how did the conversation go? "Oi DP. Here's your wallet. RUINED IT IS. And you know what: it's YOUR FAULT. Yeah. YOURS. Enjoy!"

Surely it's just nicer to be nice to, you know, the person you love enough to share you life with and everything

Sometimes I think I live in some sort of parallel universe.

From the OP, I get the impression it was more

OP's husband: Why is my wallet fucked?
OP: Because I accidentally washed it because you left it in your pocket.
OP's husband: You fiend. I hate you. Get out of my face.

I could be projecting.

YANBU He's being an immature arse.

Yellow

Not sure I would say sorry just because a sulky baby was demanding it for something that wasn't my fault.

'Oops I washed your wallet, sorry' manners type apology is one thing.

'I'm going to ruin your weekend until you say sorry for my wallet going through the wash' is another.

If he hadnt put in the basket, this wouldn't have happened. It's his own fault.
Why does he have to point fingers as to whose to blame anyway? It's so childish. I would ignore him and refuse to do anymore washing for him until he grows up.

Was there actually any damage though? Surely it will be ok if he hangs it on the line to dry. Or was it cheap plastic that just fell apart, in which case he can just get another one.

Friend of mine fell in a river with his wallet in his pocket. It was fine. Just had to dry the notes out and make lots of jokes about 'money laundering' . . .

"I'm sorry I washed your wallet by mistake. I didn't realise you'd left it in your pocket as I expected that you would have checked your pockets before putting your clothes in the laundry. Please can you make sure you do so in future so it doesn't happen again".

Apology without saying it's your fault. :)

Fucking hell, what an arse. No way would I apologise.

I have just TOLD 10yo DS1 that he has lost his chewing gum, which won't be replaced, as it is currently enjoying the spin cycle on my washing machine.

If I expect my 10yo to check his own pockets before he puts his trousers in the washing basket, then I would sure as hell expect an adult to do so.

And I wouldn't apologise to my 10yo either, he knows the house rules on this. I put the washing in the machine. I check the pockets for DC's under school age only. After that, it is their responsibility, if it is in the washing basket, it's getting washed!

NO WAY would I be apologising to a full grown adult for washing something THEY were too lazy to check their pockets for before putting it in the washing basket!

Christ I wouldn't apologise. It is his responsibility to check his own pockets.

I would laugh my socks off at DH if he thought it was my fault his wallet was in the wash and hence got laundered!

If I do check pockets it is a bonus and a favour I do, not a key performance indicator upon which the approval of my family depends.

He needs to extract his head from his arse and be nice. :)

I play death. If people leave things in the pockets of dirty clothes they are liable to be washed.

Deaf