DH wants me to apologise for washing his wallet which was in his trousers. I think it shouldn't have been in the washing basket. Who's right?

[IHeartKingThistle]

I have said that I should have checked the pockets (I usually do) but I'm not apologising because he left his trousers and wallet in the wash basket.
This is the most pointless pathetic crappy fight ever. He's pretty much ignoring me now. I am more than happy to agree to disagree but he seems to think only an apology from me will stop it. I'm quite upset now. We were having a lovely weekend too.

Before you did the washing did he do his own & check his own pockets?

If so, why would he stop pocket checking just because he wasn´t putting the stuff in the machine any more?

OH does all the laundry and checks pockets too.
If he misses something, it's an accident.

Could you kind of express regret about the unfortunate situation, without admitting responsibility for it? And point out that washing is a joint duty and you both need to be extra vigilant to ensure such a disaster never occurs again.

Then go to pub.

Normal wallet, fair bit of money in, everything fine. Thanks for the responses, I needed the sense of balance!

I don't want to fight all day over a wallet but I don't want to apologise . I've just become a SAHM and I'm probably over-sensitive about it but I feel like if I apologise I'm basically agreeing to check all his pockets for the rest of my life.

How can he be amgry with you?

He made a mistake.

All you did was do the laundry.

Gis insisting of you aplogiings smacks trying to bring you te heel.

I mean, obviously you did not mean it to happen.

So what does he want exactly...hmmm...a groveling wife, brought t heel, who promises she will try harder?

I washed over £400 of cash in OHs pocket.... then hung it out on the washing line (in the shared garden that can be walked into by anyone) to dry (cause i still didnt know it was in there)

OH saw the funny side and no way did he expect me to apologise!

(It was company money, not personal cash if that makes a difference? (his company))

"I am sorry your wallet got washed"

I would not apologise for washing the wallet though! In future let him wash his own clothes - get a separate washing basket and let him take full responsibility.

I wouldn't apologise, I never check pockets (not even my own) and if stuff gets washed he's told it was his own stupid fault and if I was something in mine I call myself an idiot!

If he s not happy with the way you do the washing, suggest he does his own.

I just found two of dh's credit cards all funny shapes in the tumble drier... Handed them to him and said 'will you check your bloody pockets'. Absoutely not my responsibility. About a year ago he left £250 cash in his pocket which went through the wash! That was fun drying them in the airing cupboard. Again, his fault. I am not his mother and he is damn lucky i even wash and iron his stuff!

his fault

Gosh these threads are getting like P&C parking in popularity!

There's no 'right' or 'wrong' way imo

But in this house, whoever's slinging the washing in the machine does a quick pocket check just incase someone's made a human error and forgot to take something out.

I could only understand his sulk if you picked up his trousers from the floor and put them on to wash without checking the pockets. If he put the trousers in the wash basket then he should have checked. Don't apologise and until he comes out of his sulk I wouldn't do any of his washing either!

The trousers were put in the basket by him so it was up to him to check the pockets.
You are not his mother, he cannot blame you or expect you to apologise for his lazyness!!
I once had a heated argument with my dh as he put his trousers in basket complete with mobile phone, unbeknown to me when i had washed them. Of course it was all my fault he had to buy a new phone but i wasn't going to apologise for something he did.

Hhm, well, if ur a SAHM and the washing is now on your list of jobs, then checking pockets is part of the job. So apologise and check in future.

Washing, not washing, stuff happens.

Sulking is something I expect a 7 year old not to do.

I am a bit concerned that a housekeeping row has blown up shortly after you becoming an SAHM. Perhaps you need a babysitter, a trip to the pub and a summit conference about how you collectively handle this really major change in your relationship. Which does not mean you signing up to become the only person who engages their brain when behind the front door.

Just because the OP is a SAHM doesn't mean she has to do everything to do with housework.

Irrespective of who is to blame, I really don't like his approach of 'apologise or I'll keep sulking', it sounds rather immature.

FGS how do people manage to survive all life's trials and tragedies if they can screw a row out of this nonsense

"Oh NO I've washed your wallet, I'm so sorry!"

"On never mind darling it's just a wallet, maybe it will dry out. Cuppa?"

^^^ Surely? SURELY?

"It's a shame your wallet got washed. Had you removed it from you pocket prior to putting it in the washing basket, it would not have happened. I will not in future wash any of your clothes again, that way you won't ever feel that it is my fault; which is clearly more of an issue for you than your own forgetfulness/laziness/stupidity (insert as appropriate)"

That's what I would say.

(Obvs he is being a dick for sulking etc. etc.)

p.s. my husband does not expect me to check his pockets, he does it himself and if he were to forget, it would be his fault

It is your DH's fault. You're his wife not his mother - if he is fortunate rdnough to have you launder his clothes the least he can do us check his pockets first.

Far be it from me to make any judgements about your marriage but my ex H got in a massive sulk with me after I washed a v expensive pen he'd left I'm his trouser pocket.

The fact that he is now my ex H does rather indicate how things turned out. We didn't divorce over a pen - more his controlling, violent behaviour and volcanic temper. Nonetheless, I believe the incident was a good illustration of what went wrong.

Well said Jodie - I have visions of the OP and her DH sitting in stony silence for the next few years just because of a wallet - do people really live their lives like this ?