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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to have massive alarm bells sounding over this?

121 replies

stookiesackhouse · 11/08/2012 00:40

Been out for a meal with two friends. Lovely night, a couple of bottles of wine between the three of us. Anyway... booked a taxi home, I was last drop off.

The guy was pretty friendly, was 29, quite stocky, divulging details about his love life i.e. split up from my gf recently, hard to meet a nice girl etc.

Anyway, once my friends had got out I tried to continue convo as normal (felt uncomfortable but thought that may be down to my paranoia because I always feel vulnerable being alone in a taxi with a male) when it took an unpleasant turn along the lines of "sometimes I meet girls in the taxi I like but have to be careful because girls can cry rape can't they?". As soon as he said this my heart started beating faster :( but I tried to show no fear and said "yeah I guess you have to be careful professionally about chatting up clients etc/not worth losing your job..."

But then he persisted and said "I always try to put girls at ease who are on their own in with me by chatting to them normally because I know some girls worry about rape don't they?"

:( :( :(

This was just as we reached mine and I was desperate to get out. He did pull up but I couldn't get the door open. He opened it for me (all the while I was confidently chatting but feeling really vulnerable).

Anyway, I got in the house, and rang my friend straight away. She thinks I should report him tomorrow - she said what if I actually was a rape victim (I'm not btw) - or he is talking himself into it.

Anyway, I don't feel like I can because he now knows where I live and DP works away a lot. I am on my own tonight for instance :(

Am I being paranoid? Should I leave it? It has put me off getting in a taxi alone to be honest. I would rather not drink and take the car rather than put myself at risk :(

OP posts:
TeaDr1nker · 11/08/2012 00:43

Was this the taxi driver talking to you?

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 11/08/2012 00:44

Yes, sorry, I read the post back and I could have been clearer. This was him talking to me once my friends had got out :(

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 11/08/2012 00:45

I don't think you can really report him for anything. He could, after all, have been socially inept but sincere in that he isn't a rapist and didn't want you to be afraid of him, but too thick to understand that going on and on about rapists was not the best way to put you at your ease.
Or he could have been a creep who likes scaring women, but unfortunately reporting him isn't going to have any real effect, if he is predatory he will just go, oh, some women are oversensitive, I was just trying to reassure her that I'm not dangerous.

Sorry this happened to you, I can see how it would have been unnerving.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 11/08/2012 00:49

That is very weird.
He is right about being careful, my Dad is a truck driver and would never pick up female hitch hikers because he didn't want to end up in a situation where they accused him of anything untoward.
But there's no need to go on about it! Maybe he sensed your tension and was genuinely trying to put you at ease, and just went about it completely wrong?

WorraLiberty · 11/08/2012 00:51

Agree with Solid, it's unnerving but what can you realistically report him for?

He sounds very blunt and lacking in people skills

But I dont' see what you can do other than avoid that taxi firm in the future.

RubyFakeNails · 11/08/2012 00:53

I think you're overreacting.

I think it sounds as if he is a bit rubbish socially, insensitive and also completely unaware of how that made you feel. I think a lot of men are a bit oblivious to the fear of being raped in certain situations.

He didn't do anything wrong really apart from make 2 points about rape, one of which that he wouldn't want people to feel uncomfortable (oh the irony). The idea of being raped by a taxi driver is quite a prevalent one, so much so that it was in your conscious so I sort of see how it is a relevant topic and from what you've said it lead onto it. I certainly don't think he said anything inappropriate, he drove you home unharmed and so I think reporting him seems unnecessary.

SoleSource · 11/08/2012 00:54

I would write an anon email in a few dats and never use that firm again. A taxi druver almost raped me in the 90.s.

AgentZigzag · 11/08/2012 00:55

He didn't actually do anything so I'd say no to calling the police, but I've had someone say something similar to me and it is unnerving.

I didn't want anything to do with the freak after he'd said it, and I don't honestly think he knew he'd said anything wrong.

It rang enormous alarm bells for me and like you I just played along as though it hadn't been said until I could get him out the door.

If he contacts you just ignore him. Every. Single. Time.

How well do your other friends know him?

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 11/08/2012 00:57

It's possible he sensed I was anxious, but I doubt it. I carried on the conversation confidently and think I pulled it off.

Also, he persistently veered the conversation back round to rape even though I diverted it :(

I think I feel bad because I really trust my instincts; they have served me well so far; and weren't happy at all with this situation.

I guess you're right though SGB, not much I can do.

OP posts:
LucieMay · 11/08/2012 00:57

What on earth would you actually report him for? He did nothing to you. You're scared to get a cab alone? You need counselling!

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 11/08/2012 00:59

Agent, we don't know him at all - just a local taxi firm...

OP posts:
MaryHansack · 11/08/2012 01:00

that's a bit harsh luciemay, it was scary and creepy for OP.
Did you book the cab with a reputable company?

tartyflette · 11/08/2012 01:00

Make sure you don't use that taxi comapny again, if nothing else he's a nasty creep who gets his rocks off trying to scare women,

TremoloGreen · 11/08/2012 01:01

I'm sorry you had this experience, it sounds awful. I think I would report it. If he is socially inept, he needs it flagging up that this sort of thing makes women feel scared and uncomfortable. If he is a creep who enjoys making women feel scared, or even worse, someone at the planning stage of a sexual offence, it should be on record somewhere that he did this.

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 11/08/2012 01:02

Luciemay - I'm scared to get a taxi alone and for good reason. Your comment is ridiculous.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 11/08/2012 01:03

ive had creepy taxi drivers before ( and ones that don't bloody shut up ) so I set my ringtone off and have a loud 'conversation' stating what road im going up and the colour taxi to look out for Wink

Schoolworries · 11/08/2012 01:06

The first thing he said was really weird. If he said something innocent like he met some nice girls but felt to shy to ask them out fair enough.

But why jump straight in with "cry rape"?

I half wonder if he was testing the water with you ifyswim?

HauntedLittleLunatic · 11/08/2012 01:07

I think I would - as someone else suggested give it a week or 2 and write an anon complaint.

I might even be tempted to frame it as (little white lie) " Whilst no physical harm was done, as a previous victim of sexual assault it made me feel very uncomfortable and vulnerable. Can I ask you to advise your drivers that when alone in the car with single female clients this is not an appropriate topic of conversation as this will cost your company business. I shall not be using your taxi company again in the future as a result of this expeirience".

AgentZigzag · 11/08/2012 01:08

Actually, I read that as it being one of the friends who was left in the taxi saying this, but it was the taxi driver??

That would be much worse in my eyes.

I disagree with Ruby that he didn't say anything inappropriate, you don't bring subjects up and put it into peoples minds if you think they're worried about them!

If you said 'I know you don't like spiders, so I won't tell you the story about the huge one I saw earlier' everyone would know the first thing the person would do is be looking over their shoulders looking for them!

From a taxi driver about such a serious violent crime is pretty creepy, and if he doesn't know that he should be fucking told.

I would tell the taxi firm, definitely.

I know that it's an about turn from what I said when I thought it was the OPs friend and telling the police, but drivers for a taxi firm shouldn't be (even if he did it 'innocently') saying they think some women cry rape (which could be construed that if anything happened with him, that's what it would be).

HauntedLittleLunatic · 11/08/2012 01:09

Actually being in a taxi alone worries me. I would much rather get the bus home than a taxi on my own.

stella1w · 11/08/2012 01:13

I hate to say it, but some taxi drivers have been rapists.. I think there was one who got away with it for years by giving the women laced drinks.. why not mention it to the police and let them decide how seriously to take it. for all you know there may have been other complaints

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 11/08/2012 01:13

LucieMay, I am confident I am not alone in feeling nervous in being a lone passenger in a taxi - afterall you are by default in a vulnerable position and human nature/survival instincts kick in.

I think I may follow the advice re dropping an anonymous complaint to the firm later.

The way he said it and the persistence didn't feel right to me, and I trust my own instincts.

School, I said to my friend I think he may have been testing the water :(

OP posts:
TheNorthWitch · 11/08/2012 01:20

'I always try to put girls at ease by chatting to them normally'???

If he wasn't trying to put girl's at ease would he be chatting abnormally then?

Does sound a bit fixated on rape and very creepy/inappropriate. The trouble is until he actually does something I don't think there is much the police can do. You could voice your concerns to the taxi company but as he knows where you live that would be risky.

Original poster
stookiesackhouse · 11/08/2012 01:22

Solesource, I am sorry that happened to you. It must have been terrifying.

OP posts:
FairPlayPhyllis · 11/08/2012 01:25

I think your instincts are right. It sounds like he gets off on making women feel uncomfortable, but is smart enough to do it in a way that he can claim was innocent. Ugh. I think I would wait a few days and complain to the taxi firm, in case it forms part of a pattern of behaviour.

I don't think there's any reason not to use a cab again though - I use cabs by myself all the time and have never felt at risk, so I think you were just unlucky. I just wouldn't use that firm again.