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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to have massive alarm bells sounding over this?

121 replies

stookiesackhouse · 11/08/2012 00:40

Been out for a meal with two friends. Lovely night, a couple of bottles of wine between the three of us. Anyway... booked a taxi home, I was last drop off.

The guy was pretty friendly, was 29, quite stocky, divulging details about his love life i.e. split up from my gf recently, hard to meet a nice girl etc.

Anyway, once my friends had got out I tried to continue convo as normal (felt uncomfortable but thought that may be down to my paranoia because I always feel vulnerable being alone in a taxi with a male) when it took an unpleasant turn along the lines of "sometimes I meet girls in the taxi I like but have to be careful because girls can cry rape can't they?". As soon as he said this my heart started beating faster :( but I tried to show no fear and said "yeah I guess you have to be careful professionally about chatting up clients etc/not worth losing your job..."

But then he persisted and said "I always try to put girls at ease who are on their own in with me by chatting to them normally because I know some girls worry about rape don't they?"

:( :( :(

This was just as we reached mine and I was desperate to get out. He did pull up but I couldn't get the door open. He opened it for me (all the while I was confidently chatting but feeling really vulnerable).

Anyway, I got in the house, and rang my friend straight away. She thinks I should report him tomorrow - she said what if I actually was a rape victim (I'm not btw) - or he is talking himself into it.

Anyway, I don't feel like I can because he now knows where I live and DP works away a lot. I am on my own tonight for instance :(

Am I being paranoid? Should I leave it? It has put me off getting in a taxi alone to be honest. I would rather not drink and take the car rather than put myself at risk :(

OP posts:
NCForNow · 11/08/2012 11:24

Weirdo he sounds. If I were you, I would call the company and lodge a complaint...you don't need to go into details but ask them to keep a record of it and also email one to them and keep record...that way if he SHOULD be accused in the future there will be a record of this.

BlackOutTheSun · 11/08/2012 11:26

Bloody hell! I would put in a complaint

yellowraincoat · 11/08/2012 11:34

Oh how horrible op, that sounds scary as hell.

skrumle · 11/08/2012 11:53

report it. up to you whether you just contact the firm, the police or the local licensing authority - i would suggest the firm first and if you're not happy with their response the licensing authority.

the non-opening door is very odd. it is unacceptable to be on the road without fully-working doors, and i can't think of any reason for child proof locks to be on at that time at night, the only time they should have them on is when doing school runs, where they have kids in the car without adults.

hertsfem55 · 11/08/2012 12:02

yes report the content of the conversation to the taxi firm, he can have a cordial conversation with you.but not one that is deemed inappropriate with innuendos. You are entitled to feel safe and secure in a taxi, not anxious fielding sexual innuendos, he should not be picking up women who may be vulnerable,due to alcohol use. Do not delay, do it today. Be empowered, taxi drivers can have their license revoked, if inappropriate behavior comes to light ad this sleeze ball needs a reality check, about what is and what is not appropriate.

Bobyan · 11/08/2012 12:49

I'm sorry this has happened to you OP, but I don't think you should leave it a week. Firstly the longer you leave it the less you are likely you are to actually make a complaint and secondly the longer you leave it, it gets harder to accurately remember everything.
Trust your gut feeling, if you were uncomfortable then he's not doing his job properly. That in itself is a reason to say something.

amybelle1990 · 11/08/2012 12:54

Technically this was sexual harassment and completely and utterly unprofessional. Complain to the taxi firm- you don't know if he's done this before and if he has it should be flagged up.

FreudianSlipper · 11/08/2012 13:10

Stookie do not worry what may happen to this guy you reporting him may and hopefully will stop other women being harassed by this man he was well aware of what he was doing what sort of person wants to make others feel vulnerable, a person that enjoys doing so

neverquitesure · 11/08/2012 13:20

"girls can cry rape can't they"

This bit worries me the most. It sounds too defensive. The sort of man who might think that it's all "part of the chase". Maybe just socially inept but it would have worried the hell out of me and I do not spook easily.

JennerOSity · 11/08/2012 13:27

Definitely creepy! I would trust your instincts on that one. But don't think there is anything you can do realistically. I would use a different frim from now on, and maybe ask for lady driver next time - lots of firms have them now for ladies travelling alone.

JennerOSity · 11/08/2012 13:31

Actually reading some of the other posts - I agree, you can do something, in complaining to the taxi firm and think this is a good idea. You can say that the driver repeatedly trying to discuss lone female passengers who might cry rape etc etc is hardly appropriate and is harrassment.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 11/08/2012 16:10

I would talk to,your friends husband who is a policeman today and find out if you can get this logged with the local police, just so they are aware, as well as emailing (don't phone, you may get flustered or upset, an email makes it easier to get your wording right and it's a permanent record) the taxi firm.

Def unprofessional, and harassing.

Don't wait a week!! Do it today while it's fresh in your mind and also it will be taken more seriously I imagine.

StunningCunt · 11/08/2012 16:18

Even if you were a rape victim it is not illegal for him to make comments about rape.

Birdsgottafly · 11/08/2012 16:23

Even if you were a rape victim it is not illegal for him to make comments about rape.

It is inappropriate (as i said further up the thread) and any taxi firm in this climate wants to keep all of the custom it can, so for that reason alone will deal with this.

Any good taxi company would not want a driver speaking to anyone about certain subjects, you are in a place of work whilst in your taxi.

JennerOSity · 11/08/2012 16:31

Birds definitely - how many other jobs can one think of where going on about a subject like rape (in particular crying rape in a situation which customer and driver were actually in at the time Hmm ), to a customer would be considered fine and dandy, especially when said customer kept changing the subject.

Enfyshedd · 11/08/2012 17:59

Most of the taxis where I live are one man operations, but they all know each other. Due to being lazy living up a very steep hill, I use them regularly and have a rapport with a lot of them.

There's one driver at one of the ranks that I won't get in with and will hang around in the shop next to the rank for him to leave before going out. The reason for this is that I had him once and mentioned that I was selling my flat, then months later (nearly a year) I had him again and he seemed to remember every single detail of the conversation we'd had previously - really creeped me out. I mentioned him to a couple of the other cab drivers over the next couple of weeks and they all said the same thing - lots of women have said they feel uncomfortable with this one driver and a sizable number will just not get in the cab with him.

Report him to the firm ASAP - tonight is Saturday night, that driver might be working again and might say the same thing again.

SoupDragon · 11/08/2012 18:12

Even if you were a rape victim it is not illegal for him to make comments about rape.

No it isn't illegal. It is, however, completely inappropriate.

lovebunny · 11/08/2012 18:19

report this to the taxi firm. the firm ought to know that he is making their customers uncomfortable with the topics he chooses to raise. taxi drivers change firms all the time so you can't guarantee not bumping into him again. try not to be the only person in the taxi.

G1nger · 11/08/2012 18:44

Report. I once reported an ex friend who wrote a frightening letter to me. When I apologised for not having much to really go on, the policeman said it was how the letter made me feel that was important. You felt scared - report.

LastMangoInParis · 11/08/2012 19:07

Another one here who's glad to see that the general consensus is 'report it'.
This taxi driver's behaviour was wildly inappropriate, even if he had poor social skills, it's hard to believe he wouldn't have realised that his behaviour was threatening, and if that was the reason he really needs some serious guidance about basic interaction skills.

DameEnidSpink · 11/08/2012 19:25

Yes please do report, the conversation is inappropriate and sinister

Figgygal · 11/08/2012 19:37

Personally I would have taken it that he was trying to reassure me ( yes somewhat awkwardly) that i was fine in taxi on own not that I was at risk. The use of those precise words were probably due to fact hes very aware that it is the main fear lone women have in that sotuation he wasnt going to say dont worry im not going to steal your oyster card was he??

I expect the taxi firm will take it the same way as I have.....am surprised at just how many people are saying report he hasn't actually done anything wrong.

MaryHansack · 11/08/2012 19:39

oh cmon figgy, I have been in heaps of taxis alone and am no shrinking violet, but would have found that type of conversation weird, creepy, and worrying.

lovebunny · 11/08/2012 19:43

i have been in exactly the situation, alone in a taxi and the driver talking about rape and it made me, as an old woman and probably (hopefully) not his target, very uncomfortable. i kept a very firm tone of voice, disapproving, and kept my phone in my hand so i could make an emergency call if needed!

OovoofWelcome · 11/08/2012 21:03

YANBU. I would have been terrified too. Report him to the police and the taxi firm. Just say you want to warn them - a taxi driver talking inappropriately about rape after everyone else had left the cab and there was a woman alone with him.

Sorry you had to experience this, but I am sure you are completely safe in your home.