...to have massive alarm bells sounding over this?

[stookiesackhouse]

Been out for a meal with two friends. Lovely night, a couple of bottles of wine between the three of us. Anyway... booked a taxi home, I was last drop off.

The guy was pretty friendly, was 29, quite stocky, divulging details about his love life i.e. split up from my gf recently, hard to meet a nice girl etc.

Anyway, once my friends had got out I tried to continue convo as normal (felt uncomfortable but thought that may be down to my paranoia because I always feel vulnerable being alone in a taxi with a male) when it took an unpleasant turn along the lines of "sometimes I meet girls in the taxi I like but have to be careful because girls can cry rape can't they?". As soon as he said this my heart started beating faster :( but I tried to show no fear and said "yeah I guess you have to be careful professionally about chatting up clients etc/not worth losing your job..."

But then he persisted and said "I always try to put girls at ease who are on their own in with me by chatting to them normally because I know some girls worry about rape don't they?"

:( :( :(

This was just as we reached mine and I was desperate to get out. He did pull up but I couldn't get the door open. He opened it for me (all the while I was confidently chatting but feeling really vulnerable).

Anyway, I got in the house, and rang my friend straight away. She thinks I should report him tomorrow - she said what if I actually was a rape victim (I'm not btw) - or he is talking himself into it.

Anyway, I don't feel like I can because he now knows where I live and DP works away a lot. I am on my own tonight for instance :(

Am I being paranoid? Should I leave it? It has put me off getting in a taxi alone to be honest. I would rather not drink and take the car rather than put myself at risk :(

So if you had a plumber round fixing your boiler Figgy, and they said exactly the same thing as the taxi driver about being with a woman alone in their house, you wouldn't feel anything at all about what they said?

If you wouldn't feel anything was wrong about a man bringing the subject of rape up twice when you're on your own with them in that situation, I think you need to retune your intuition settings.

Even if you were a rape victim it is not illegal for him to make comments about rape.

I refer you to my previous comment regarding your character.

I don't think there is the same level of fear within our culture of being alone with a plumber than there is with lone taxi journeys. We have taxi firms in this country who only employ women, are women friendly etc for this very reason.

Contextually if a plumber started the same conversation it would therefore make thinker uncomfortable but in the context of a taxi driver I can understand what he's said (while conceding it was stupid).

What this taxi driver said certainly was stupid (and the same could be said if he'd spewed out a load of racist or homophobic bullshit). But that doesn't mean it was acceptable or excusable.

It's the situation of being on your own with a man and isolated Figgy, whether you know them or not, if they start saying shit where you're left wondering how they could possibly not know it's inappropriate, it would make most people feel uncomfortable.

It could even make some women feel intimidating, even threatened, asking themselves whether they're trying to say something about their intentions by 'indirectly' bringing the subject up.

I would report him to the taxi firm definitely...but the police?? what would they do ,what crime has he committed?

I have come across the locked door thing many times in taxis.They don't want their customers doing a runner!! I think cctv /voice recording inside a cab is an excellent idea to protect both the driver and passenger

I would speak to your local police community support officer - just to give them a heads up - someone else may have complained, they may "know" the driver etc...

It is not acceptable to make anyone feel uncomfortable in this sort of situation, not ever....

Agree with BTW1. Also, FWIW, you may be doing the taxi company a favour by reporting this driver (what with their running a business, general concern about customer facing skills, and all. Just a thought.)

Report. The worse that can happen? Taxi firm/ police ignore you. You can tell the police you're scared he might come back to you because he knows where you live.

I've been in countless taxis on my own and no driver had ever thought to put me 'at ease' by telling me he won't rape me and talking about rape.

If he's that socially inept he should not be in a customer facing role. Stop making excuses for these kinds of men.

I think the police should know about this; kljust in casebit becomes relevant in the future

'You can tell the police you're scared he might come back to you because he knows where you live.'

And if he did think it was you and tried to contact you about it, that would put it on a wholly different footing.

I would say the risk of him taking it any further is smaller than the risk he's going to make another woman feel intimidated by the things he's saying in the future.

Agree with Agent.
This taxi driver's behaviour was way, way , way out of line - really inappropriate, verging on harassment, not defensible with 'oh, he was socially inept/stupid' - etc. His behaviour just wasn't acceptable.

I'm a bit and with suggestions that OP should have to say that she was frightened/present herself as erstwhile victim of sexual assault, etc. WTF? Those approaches are so wrong on so many levels and for so many reasons.

The driver's behaviour was fucking terrible (again, for lots of reasons: inappropriate, appalling customer facing, threatening, etc...) and therefore should be reported.

Agree LastMango (love the name ) if the driver's that inept that he doesn't know what effect his comments might have on a woman, then he's in the wrong fucking job!

A taxi driver tried following me into my flat once. Really try to avoid getting taxis on my own now. You are very vulnerable in the back of a strange man's car.

I never reported it- wish i had- think about it often. OP if you dont you may regret it later when you cant remember details.

I don't think you are over reacting. Somethign similar happened to me many years ago and it was terrifying. A taxi driver drove away from london with me in the taxi and when I challenged him he threatened me. I had to jump out of a moving car on a roundabout and I reported him to his employers and nothing happened. Please report him just in case he has previous for this sort of thing

Op how are you today? Hope you are feeling a bit better. Have you reported yet? Any reaction?

I would say something to the taxi firm along the line of "I find the driver mentioning rape to a woman once she is ( or if she is) alone in his taxi is wholly inappropriate whatever context he feels he is saying it in.".

There is no way he should be saying this to anyone. I think it's very strange not simply inept. Fucking idiot at best. Hope you are feeling better today op

Have you spoken to the taxi firm yet, OP?

You should always trust your instincts.

I would call his boss and tell him exactly what happened and why you were scared. Ask him to take whatever action he sees fit.

My guess is that this guy has been unpopular with the girls all his life and is now desperate for a bit of attention. He knows that talking about rape is the only 'sexually intimate' conversation he could have with you. So he likes to have it. Whether he is actually dangerous I have no idea. That's his manager's call, surely?

OP did you ever report him?

For what it's worth, I have been assaulted but I am not particularly scared of a repeat attempt, never think twice about getting in taxis, and am very annoyed by women who jump to accuse others of dodgy intentions with no real proof.

But this would have scared me.

Personally I'd report to the firm but not the police. It is about his professionalism/ customer facing behaviour and you can present it as such.

Just a thought - I know SN are always brought up here and some people feel too often, but I can easily imagine that a young man with (say) Asperger's or similar might go into taxi driving. It is a good deal of lone working, involves a good 'mental map' of a space, etc, and might well appeal to someone who wouldn't get on well working behind a counter or similar. It is possible that he had cognitive difficulties or mild learning disability of some kind and was totally genuine. For this reason I would be calm and factual in your report and not involve the police, as if he has SN an angry report might mean his employers sack him when all he needs is support or guidance.

I have a few times got a cab back from London with friends and got out and walked home from their house rather than be the last to be dropped off, as I just felt uncomfortable.