...to have massive alarm bells sounding over this?

[stookiesackhouse]

Been out for a meal with two friends. Lovely night, a couple of bottles of wine between the three of us. Anyway... booked a taxi home, I was last drop off.

The guy was pretty friendly, was 29, quite stocky, divulging details about his love life i.e. split up from my gf recently, hard to meet a nice girl etc.

Anyway, once my friends had got out I tried to continue convo as normal (felt uncomfortable but thought that may be down to my paranoia because I always feel vulnerable being alone in a taxi with a male) when it took an unpleasant turn along the lines of "sometimes I meet girls in the taxi I like but have to be careful because girls can cry rape can't they?". As soon as he said this my heart started beating faster :( but I tried to show no fear and said "yeah I guess you have to be careful professionally about chatting up clients etc/not worth losing your job..."

But then he persisted and said "I always try to put girls at ease who are on their own in with me by chatting to them normally because I know some girls worry about rape don't they?"

:( :( :(

This was just as we reached mine and I was desperate to get out. He did pull up but I couldn't get the door open. He opened it for me (all the while I was confidently chatting but feeling really vulnerable).

Anyway, I got in the house, and rang my friend straight away. She thinks I should report him tomorrow - she said what if I actually was a rape victim (I'm not btw) - or he is talking himself into it.

Anyway, I don't feel like I can because he now knows where I live and DP works away a lot. I am on my own tonight for instance :(

Am I being paranoid? Should I leave it? It has put me off getting in a taxi alone to be honest. I would rather not drink and take the car rather than put myself at risk :(

Of course you can report him to the taxi company and tell them what he was saying, he may not have done something to you but he could to someone else. You should trust your instints, i hope your ok OP

I would call the cab company and speak to the owner.

Mentioning rape twice is very uncomfortable for a woman in a vulnerable situation, whether he meant to make you feel that way or not.

What would concern me also is the fact that he sees customers as potential partners to freely chat up in the confines of his cab. It's a service, not a random meeting or a favour.

I'd be furious if I owned that firm and thought that my drivers were putting off women from using the service because the drivers were overstepping the mark. Firms like these run on word of mouth.

Also these are usually small business, and the owner probably knows the driver better than you so he could give honest feedback IYSWIM.

I had to use a cab on account paid for by my company everyday after having an accident. The first weeks I was convinced the driver was purposefully angling the mirror onto my tits (I'm a G cup) and ogling them over the speed bumps. He'd always steer the conversation to something sexual and uncomfortable.

I didn't really know what to do, I felt I should just try and rise above it, listen to my iPod and wear a coat etc. It made me feel physically dirty. The following week another driver picked me up, lovely guy chatting about his wife kids etc. He asked who had driven me the previous week and I told him. He made a face and said "Oh god, not pervy Ken". I told him what I thought he'd been doing, turned out we didn't even need to drive up streets with speed bumps, the dirty fecker, I was right all along. Even more annoying as I had a broken leg with pins in at it was fecking agony bumping up and down.

The taxi driver took me straight to the office. I sat in the car and he went in and got the owner, he came out to speak to me and the perv got an absolute bollocking and they took away his contract hours.

Normal men don't go on about rape like that, socially inept or not. To me he sounds like a potential rapist and was sizing you up. You are absolutely right to trust your instincts. Report him, anonymously if you like.

Read "The gift of fear" by Gavin de Becker. It will reassure you that you are not being paranoid.

Probably just a socially awkward guy. I wouldn't get in a state about it.

Socially awkward guys would start talking about their star wars collection, not rape! Women need to trust their instincts/gut feelings more. Don't override that for the sake of being polite

I second. the suggestion to read The Gift of Fear, it goes into a lot of detail as to why we should listen to our instincts.
As for the cab driver, he sounds like a nasty piece of work who needs watching.

Absolutely report him. Many years ago I reported smoothing similar and the council took it very seriously.

These situations are where you need a repertoire of glib lies to draw on.

At any mention of the 'R' word, you say 'My partner's a police officer. He's dealt with a lot sex crimes. I hear more than enough about these heinous offences at home and I'd be obliged if we can talk about another subject so as not to ruin one of my rare nights out with the girls' or similar.

Just from a customer service point of view, I'd report him. I've worked in customer service jobs for years and rape somehow never ever came up in banter between me and my customers. I think your gut was right, I think he sounds creepy.

At the very least the cab company should tell him that rape is a mightily inappropriate topic to pick for small talk.

I'd report because he made you uncomfortable regardless of the topic.

Also if I were socially inept and had made someone uncomfortable I'd want to know.

When I used to get taxis often, I would always do a fake call to my "husband"; "hi Ben, i'm on my way back in a cab. Yes, it was good thanks. Oh yeah just picked one up at Silver Cabs at Wimbledon Station. Yes I remembered to bring the fags home - ok, see you in 10 mins, love you!"

I always figured they wouldn't take the risk with me then. My friends and I also had a system when we went out that if we were getting a cab home, we had to tell someone before we were in the cab, and then a quick text saying we were home safe.

We all lived in London at the time of those murders where the guy was picking on young blonde women (which 2 or 3 of us were).

I would certainly report him. What the OP posted sounds awful. To me, it sounds as if he was testing the waters or checking out your reaction.
I worked for a women's only taxi firm. You'd be surprised how many chose us after either being assaulted by a male taxi driver or the threat of it.

Hi all, delurking to second those who've said you should call the taxi company, OP. Same thing happened to me years ago (though not in the UK) and the company took it really seriously when I called. Even if they guy is just inept, he should be told there are better ways of putting women at their ease.

Jesus, Eleanor that is disgusting. You poor thing, horrible despicable man.

If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Gut instincts can protect you. Listen to them. Know what you mean , he knows where you live now, and that might be a worry, if he is more than an inept creep, listen to your gut feeling again on that. Best wishes.

Call the taxi company, in fact have your husband do it. Don't be acusatory, just factual - "he said this, this and this, it unnerved me a lot BUT that line of talk could really upset someone"

I often use private hire cabs but never give my address. When I'm picked up I meet the cab by waiting further down the road and, when I'm dropped off, it's never outside my house. "Just here will do, thank you."

Another vote for complaint. His talk was very inappropriate and of course it was unnerving. You are not wrong. If you're worried about framing your complaint, it might help to look on it as advice to the cab firm about their drivers' conduct towards women passengers.

Complain complain complain. I've had two incidents with can drivers from separate firms. The first was when I was 15 - when I was 12 the school bus was full so me and three others had to ER taxis to and from school, provided by the council. Three years later, whilst waiting at a bus stop, a cab pulled over. Te driver started saying things like "it's Twll isnt it? Didn't you grow up to be a curvy young lady, that chest is wonderful, I could see even back then that you were a sexy little thing" I was horrified and so was my mother. She complained to the company and they said, off the record, that this happened a lot.

The second time I was very drunk and te lost of a group of friends out of a taxi. To cut a long story short, e drove me somewhere without streetlights, got onthe back of te cab with me and assaulted me. He then drove me home and asked for the fare.

Report the wanker OP.

You could always use a cab company where they could provide a woman driver.

Another vote for reporting the driver to the cab company. Cab companies are taking clients' money in return for a professional service - although I do wonder whether some drivers realise this. His remarks were totally inappropriate. I would have felt very uncomfortable too, and I'm as tough as old boots.

I would ring the local constable for the area the taxi firm is in - reporting to the company might mean it's swept under the carpet.

I wouls also always request women only taxi drivers.

I've been thinking about this and I think I would send an annon letter saying how uncomfortable you felt. He may have been genuine, it could have been a continuation of a conversation with a prev passenger, he could have had mild learning diffs and be repeating someone who's said similar to him.

But. I think I would mention it.

I don't think he's probaby not a rapist but he does need to know not to talk that way.