AIBU re: sending your newborn to the hospital nursery?

[coraltoes]

A good friend of mine has given birth in a private london hospital. I popped in yesterday to visit her, on what is was day 2 of her stay there post CS. I have to say what an amazing place it was, but i was left feeling a bit cold about something and wondered if I was wrong to?

She looked well rested, and I asked how the days and nights were going, as god knows newborns can be all over the place with their sleep and feeds. Her reply surprised me. She had been sending him to the nursery to sleep at night, from about 8pm with them bottle feeding him (she has chosen not to BF) through the night when he needs it. She did this from day 1.

Now, it is the kind of place that would help you in the night by your bed if you needed it, so she wouldnt have to make up bottles whilst struggling to walk with a scar etc. So I was a bit "hmmmmm" about not even letting your newborn sleep near you on his first night in the world, so you can get some sleep. If you had laboured for 2 nights i can see the appeal but her Csection was scheduled, and took place at the start of the day.

What do you guys make of it? Would you use the same service? Maybe i'm being a bit precious!

It's up to her isn't it? I'm not going to sit in judgement on a woman who's just been through pregnancy and then major abdominal surgery.

I had an emcs, and Dd was doing that frightening coughing cs babies do, I couldn't relax so the mw offered to take her for the rest of the night so I could relax in the knowledge she was being looked after.

I managed a couple of hours sleep then went to get her as I missed her!

Lots of reasons you might want this, each to their own!

This again. Its none of your business, and if she had a c section I bet she needed the rest. No harm done, unhoik those judgypants, no-one is going to make you leave your newborn in a nursery if you dont want to.

The standard nhs hospital I had DD in took her every night for a few hours (sometimes longer) and boy was I glad of the sleep

Nice friend.

This is how it always used to be. Happened to me and my brother when we were born and we turned out fine. How lovely for her to get a rest instead of being freaked out like I was, bunged in a strange noisy ward in the middle of the night alone with my newborn with my catheter still in and my legs all wobbly. BF aside, wish I could have paid for the service your friend is getting!

& by that I meant the op. cut your friend some slack.

My son is 5 months and i wouldnt want him being cared for by a stranger in a different part of a massive hospital building.
If the mother is perfect capable and the child doesnt have to be there (eg. Scbu)

'need your rest?' and a child needs its mother! That is more important than 'needing rest'! You are laying in a hospital bed, not running a marathon. Get a grip!

With DS1 I just wanted to stare at him the whole time, so I wouldnt have used it.

By the time I had DD and I knew what was coming (the horrendous first night home where we got no sleep) I would have quite happily let them wheel her off :o

After being in labour for the best part of 24hours, then a full day of visitors and tests I was exhausted. DD wouldnt settle unless I was holding her. I couldnt bf despite trying again and again.

I was so tired it really was dangerous, I was falling asleep holding her. But the MWs never offered to take her. At that point I hadnt slept for over 48 hours.

Then when I finally did get her settled and got to sleep the MW barged in at 7am asking pointless questions which could have waited.

I would have given anything for them to have taken her for a few hours!

I wouldn't have liked that as I spent the first night with DD snuggled up in my nightdress and loved it but everyone is different.

Not unreasonable, but you do sound rather jealous.

Maternity nurses are bloody brilliant, and if you don't have family help and can afford it, why the heck not? a happy mother = happy baby generally and a well rested mother is a happy baby in my book

I think it's sad but it's personal choice. DS was in the neo natal unit for 10 days - I would have given my right leg to have him in bed with me.

I do not understand why anyone would have a maternity nurse at home.

personally i think if help is offered - take it! nursery at hospital, maternity nurse at home, a relative, anyone ;-)

As usual almost every response is about how lovely it is for a new mum to get a full night's sleep and a near consensus that because it's lovely fir the adult it's therefore categorically a GOOD thing.

New mums need rest and TLC. They don't usually need to be separated from their baby for long periods of time to obtain this.

Honestly - when I start to think we've become a more child-centred society I only need to come on to AIBU and read a thread like this to realise that it ain't so.

No doubt someone will now come along and respond to my post with the accusation that those of us who want babies' emotional needs given more consideration when it comes to things like this, are supporters of mummy martyrdom, and are uncaring about women's needs.

yeah i'm a horrid friend Ken0eddie.

i've said upthread i was unreasonable. I hadnt come across this before and thinking back to my own NHS post natal ward hell there was no way i'd let DD out of my sight. Next time i'll go private!

After 36hours of pain relief free labour I'd say it was more exhusting than a marathon.

Potol - basically you are implying that newborns don't have emotional needs. If all they need is physical care in the first 24 hours? Is this true of older babies and children too?

Don't get what your problem is, Shagmund. You worried that mum in the swanky hospital who benefited from some kip is gonna raise a psychopath? OP's hmmming excepted, I imagine she's going to be fairly child-centred, don't you? She'll probably spend the next 21 years going crazy trying to sort the right schools, food, friends, clothes blah blah. I don't really think you need worry.

Good for her if thats what she wanted to do. A midwife tried giving me an 'hour off' but came back after 10 mins howling because he just wanted to be on the boob constantly (literally, non stop) for the first 36 hours (I assume to get the milk in). But Id have loved a little break.

She clearly wanted a big one, and I say let her because theres no midwives at home!

FWIW my baby slept brilliantly on her first night in the world. The numpty in the bay across from me had her iphone playing music all night- thats what kept me from my blissful sleep! So nursery or by my bed would have made scant difference.

When I came home from hospital, I fed my babies and then my DH/mum took them for a bit whilst I got some sleep. No problem.
When I was in hospital I fed my babies and then the nursery nurses took them for a bit whilst I got some sleep. No problem.

I think to go and visit your "friend" and then come on here and slag her off for getting some rest after major abdominal surgery, is very low. I'm judging you, not her.

Flooded:

her maternity nurse will do all night feeds, settling for naps and bedtime, show her how to do bathtime, giver he time to nap herself. I think they start the motions for establishing a routine too of feeds and sleeps. They let the mother rest, and for a c-section recovery they help with lifting the baby etc.

A NCT pal of mine had one, and loved it, but she did struggle once the lady had left to find her own feet for a bit.

Bag of holly- where did i slag her off exactly? I said the setup left me feeling cold. Hardly slagging someone off. Chill yo' beans love.