A few months ago mil asked if she could take ds1 (5) away for a few days on her own to a destination 3.5 hours away from mil?s home and 4.5 hours away from our home. She has developed an obsession about this place after reading a book set there and, coincidentally, it also has some features related to one of ds?s main interests so he will love it.
We had reservations because, on the one occasion ds has stayed alone at her house overnight (we stayed at fil?s in the same city), she found him exhausting. She suffers from insomnia and drinks to get to sleep ? NOT to the point of passing out but just to help her nod off. This means she is very slow to get started in the morning. She also had a minor accident on the motorway recently and is not a confident driver anymore. We therefore felt that the drive would be too much and that she would be absolutely shattered after it and would struggle to cope with ds after that. He sleeps well and never runs off but talks NON-STOP.
We therefore suggested that we drive ds1 down and stay in a campsite with ds2 about 30 minutes away from where mil and ds1 will be staying. Mil was very taken with this suggestion and in fact said that she would prefer we stay nearer than that. This pissed me off. Last year we went on holiday to a place that mil chose and paid for. It was somewhere near her family and there was very little to do. We felt that she had chosen our holiday by paying for it and, of course, we still had to pay petrol and day to day expenses so we spent a fair bit of money doing something that we hadn?t chosen just to please mil. Now it feels she has manipulated us into doing something similar this year. By this time we had already booked a week?s camping for ourselves somewhere else (we did this before she ever mentioned her idea) so this would be an extra holiday we could only just afford.
Anyway, since we agreed to this we have put our house on the market and sold it - incurring solicitor?s fees and a survey for the house we are buying. In addition, an elderly aunt who I love dearly and lives over 3 hours away (nowhere near where mil is going) has had a bad fall. She and my mother usually come and visit us once a month but since the fall she has not been able to travel. I want us all to visit her but this is yet more expense and we can?t really afford to do both. Also, ds1 goes back to school on the 25th (he goes to an academy) so time is running out.
An additional complication is that I am a f/t teacher and dh always takes the dc to mil or fil?s for 3 days over the 6 week holiday so I can do some work and relax a bit. However, with ds1 now having a shorter holiday than me I don?t want to miss anymore holiday time with him so I suggested (a couple of months ago ? before the extra expenses occurred) that dh and the boys go with mil without me and I have ?my? time then. He agreed.
However, since then we have camped again and remembered how much hard work it is and dh doesn?t really want to do it alone with ds2 (very hyper 3 yo). Our tent is huge and really hard for one person to put up. Also, we have hardly any money left until I am paid (23rd) and can?t really afford to go at all (we have an emergency credit card but don?t really want to use it as moving will probably cost us and will use it to visit my aunt). Dh mentioned all this to mil and her suggestion is to lend him a smaller tent and take ds2 with her and ds1. However, if d2 sleeps badly on the first night he will have to go back to dh!
AIBU for thinking this is incredibly mean of her (she is very well off). I am angry that dh is having to ask her yet I?m also pissed off with him for not just telling her outright we can?t afford it and the trip is off unless she pays for the whole thing. Dh has MS (is perfectly fine at the moment but I can?t believe she doesn?t want to do more to make sure he doesn?t get exhausted on this pissing trip that SHE dreamt up.) This whole trip was her bloody project that she isn?t really up to doing and now it is going to end up costing us money and being exhausting for dh. She probably thinks it?s my fault for not going but if I lose my 3 day break because of her selfishness I will be even more livid than I feel now.
Thanks for reading ? sorry it?s such an epic.