I do not understand why people have kids when they can not afford them.

[sea74]

I know this topic will create lots of critics but i want to share my thoughts and see if anyone agrees or i am the odd one out.
I come from a european country where the fertility rate is 1.4 that is each woman/family has 1.4 child. Grandparents very often are the to help, but women (and men) are responsible enough not to have children if they can not afford them or look after them.
I grew up thinking that i want children not because i want them for me but because i have to donate life and their life must be a good life. Children are not mine but they are individuals.

Having said that, when i moved to the UK, i realised how things are different.
I feel that many people think children will not change their lives, they get pregnant easily, they do not really worry too much (and take contraception) in order to avoid pregnancies.
Then, when they have the child, you see that often these children live in broken families, or the single mothers do not have 50 pounds to buy them a decent meal, or they are left in front of the tv all summer because they had not planned childcare is expensive and grandparents live far.

Children should be planned carefully, i think and it is very selfish to have them without thinking of (and being ready for) the consequences.

Cuted up fruit

Goats

Tattoos

Dogs

Flat screens

How vile to be so judgemental of people OP.

Believe it or not some people do not aspire to be a single mothers on benefits when they are growing up. Men can be assholes, woman made redundant, contraception fails them. Who are you too judge them? It could happen to you.

It doesn't make them bad mothers. Plenty single mothers on benefits put there children before there career and packing there children of too childcare. I could go on for pages about things that people could judge you on.

How many mothers do you know that can't feed there children? Fortunately we have systems in place to keep our children safe and fed in this country.

Watch out people - if you disagree with the popular opinion, you will end up on usualsuspect's/other MN self-appointed regulator's shitlist!

(fate worse than death)

Ooooh this thread is making me angry. I CHOSE to have DS when I couldn't really 'afford it'. Almost nobody has both 'enough' time and 'enough' money at a 'good age' to have children, so you have to choose. I had time and age on my side when I had DS, and was confident in the future I could make money, but I wouldn't get any younger. I'm still skint and want another one because I can make more money in the future but I can't make my son a sibling of similar age in the future. So I am confident that I'm doing the right thing, deliberately having children when I'm skint. All kids need is food, clothes, a roof and lots of love. Doesn't take much money to provide those things. And benefits are there for a reason, to support people when they need it. Give what you can/ when you can & take what you need / when you need. That's the society I want to be a part of. Judgemental bastards.

Binky I don't think there is an acceptable amount of time and money to have spare. Each family will be highly individual.

I know some self sufficient home edders who have virtually no cash. But they can easily cope with their gaggle. They thrive on it.

But some families are already on the bones of their arses. You see it here on MN all the time. Mother depressed, school holidasys nothing but misery, parents refusing to help, 4p to last til nest pay day...why in God's name would you bring another child into such an existence.

I dont know them all but after 20 years of working in the same school and seeing generations of the same families coming through you do get a pretty good picture

Buppy That's me fucked then. I buy pre-cut fruit (because of my arthritic hands)

I have tattoos (that I got as a teenager when I was working full time)

Can cats replace the goats and dogs?

I also have a biggg flat screen tv (got it for free)

I'm also a young Mum at 21. :o

Btw, when I got pregnant I was working full time and making a very decent wage (as was DP), you can't always tell what the future will hold.

I can deal with the .4 of a child, it's the whole children who are proving tricky

You're allowed pre cut fruit to feed the goat. You have to have the goat.

Where can I collect the goat? Will I get added benefit money to feed and home it? Can you get goat groomers?

What annoys me so much about ops thread, is that there is a lot of presumtions about single mothers!

It takes a bastard twat of a man to make a single mother a single mother, yet op doesn't mention anything about the men not using contraception!!
Fwiw op, i came from a "broken home", but it was far from broken, my mother worked, we had a lovely home, me and siblings were very happy and we managed to eat perfectly nice meals that didn't cost anywhere near £50!!
My mother did not once rely on benefits but if she had to she would have done to give us a roof over our heads and meals on the table. Being on benefits is not a choice made by many and op says the word "many".
I only know of one person who delibretly gets pregnant on benefits and i do not agree with it but i also do not agree in abortion for proper reasons either, but this person is in the minority-op shouldn't tar all uk mothers with the same brush.

The reason why most gps do not offer childcare is because they are working too.

Things don't always pan out the way we expect, benefits are there for when we fall on hard times. It happens to the best of us and one day the shoe might end up on the wrong foot!-So never JUDGE

rulebritannia a world full of rich people? well that wouldnt work would it, you muppet- its a pyramid innit?

'youve met a few'? a few what? poor people? or thick people?

see, based on what you have written, i would class you as thick with no compassion/morals and deem you unfit to reproduce

I love how you absolve widows and divorcees, because you have been there Oooo...can we absolve heroin addicts too, because I have been there?

Not for proper reasons

I think it comes with your plasma screen. But don't leave it unsupervised or it will eat the plasma screen.

I can't even bear to read the headline - nasty

That's the point I was making there is no acceptable level, we each do what we can with what we can.
Judging people because they are pregnant and Can't afford it is wrong, you have no idea of the circumstances that have led them to that point.

how many families hoiday?

i think all the rah rah i'm not listening posters are being a bit disingenuous. There is an issue in this country whether you like it or admit to it or not.

Mines is LCD not plasma, is that why I have no goat? :(

and bups apparently fish-tanks an' all

arabella there are lots of issues in lots of countries

demonising poor people / single parents, covers none of them and helps solve nowt

It's probably all the immigrants, coming over here, taking our goats...

Or eating them

abody - if things are tight for you but you're planning another baby then that's one thing. Planning another baby when you know the state will be financially supporting it is just unbelievable, yet unfortunately believable as so many people do it.

And dont even get me started on The poster who spoke about caring for our children and not packing them off to childcare! I'm sure there are a lot of mums out there who don't want to work but do so because they don't expect the state to support their family.

No. you are wrong. Immigrants eat swans