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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I do not understand why people have kids when they can not afford them.

727 replies

sea74 · 07/08/2012 10:15

I know this topic will create lots of critics but i want to share my thoughts and see if anyone agrees or i am the odd one out.
I come from a european country where the fertility rate is 1.4 that is each woman/family has 1.4 child. Grandparents very often are the to help, but women (and men) are responsible enough not to have children if they can not afford them or look after them.
I grew up thinking that i want children not because i want them for me but because i have to donate life and their life must be a good life. Children are not mine but they are individuals.

Having said that, when i moved to the UK, i realised how things are different.
I feel that many people think children will not change their lives, they get pregnant easily, they do not really worry too much (and take contraception) in order to avoid pregnancies.
Then, when they have the child, you see that often these children live in broken families, or the single mothers do not have 50 pounds to buy them a decent meal, or they are left in front of the tv all summer because they had not planned childcare is expensive and grandparents live far.

Children should be planned carefully, i think and it is very selfish to have them without thinking of (and being ready for) the consequences.

OP posts:
Trickle · 07/08/2012 20:50

ghostship thank you Blush

VolAuVent · 07/08/2012 20:52
Biscuit
Denise34 · 07/08/2012 20:55

" Im quite glad I dont work for Denise. Her attitude towards her staff is exactly the problem in this country."
Excuse me? What is "my attitude towards my staff"?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 07/08/2012 21:00

That you could run your business without them and that they arent worth £6.08 per hour.

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon · 07/08/2012 21:21

Yeah Couthy Grin

The threads moved on how dare you come hear with an opinion on the op, fuck of with reasonable and pertinent remarks you.

Lapis you tell her. There will be opinions on the Op now. Oh no.

Scrounginscum · 07/08/2012 21:23

I have a few questions. Why is my work not worth £6.08 an hour?

When I was made redundant (only one of the shit things that happened) I didn't claim but lived off savings then took the first job I could get instead of staying unemployed. I have continued to look for a better job. How does that make me feckless?

BTW when I planned a family I had a financial plan b and c. Perhaps I was stupid but I didn't expect quite so many things to go wrong in such a short period of time.

CouthyMow · 07/08/2012 21:23

Oh, that'll teach me not to reply to threads that have 500+ messages when I'm on my phone and have only read the OP.

Or maybe not!Grin

Denise34 · 07/08/2012 21:28

"That you could run your business without them and that they arent worth £6.08 per hour."

I could run my business without them, but I would make less money. They are worth £6.08 an hour, that is why I employ them.

usualsuspect · 07/08/2012 21:28

Your reply was just right Grin

GhostShip · 07/08/2012 21:31

Don't you think they're worth more? Or are you happy paying them minimum wage? Well of course you are, more money in your pocket...

Denise34 · 07/08/2012 21:33

Money in my pocket is why I started my own business.

GhostShip · 07/08/2012 21:36

So it doesn't really matter what they're worth. Obviously they're only going to be worth 6.08 to you because that's the minimum you're able to pay, therefore more for yourself.

GhostShip · 07/08/2012 21:37

You're hardly going to admit to them being worth more.

Denise34 · 07/08/2012 21:38

How much would you pay your staff if you owned a business? Have you ever run your own business? Do you know what you are talking about?

NovackNGood · 07/08/2012 21:39

Denise you are forgetting ghostship and her ilk would rather you had not started your own business and didn't emply anyone as that way everyone could be poor and equal as equality is far more important than actual prosperity in the country.

NapaCab · 07/08/2012 21:41

It sounds like the OP is getting at the relatively high rate of single, teenage parents that the UK has, which to be fair, is indeed higher than most other EU countries. It is a weird quirk of a large part of the English-speaking world. The USA is the same. Teenage girls seem to get pregnant almost for cultural reasons rather than anything else. There is free contraception in the UK and easily available abortion and not much welfare compared to e.g. Germany or Sweden, and yet the rate of teenage single mother pregnancy is relatively high.

The US has the same problem although the rate is decreasing in recent years.

What's it all about? I don't personally understand it and why so many teenage girls in the UK choose to walk right into dire poverty by becoming a mother so young with no means of financial support. As I said, it doesn't happen as much in other European countries where teenagers are just as sexually active and welfare payments are actually higher.

I don't get it. Maybe the OP was similarly puzzled by this quirk of the UK and just didn't express herself well, possibly because her English is not great? Just giving her the benefit of the doubt, like...Grin

GhostShip · 07/08/2012 21:42

I don't need to run my own business to know what I am talking about. I know quite a lot about how business works thankyou very much.

I'd pay what was fair. You've got to speculate to accumulate. Id be disgusted in myself if my mantra was 'they're worth minimum wage'.

Novack if all you're going to do is bring sarcasm and a patronising chummy chummy tone to the debate then clearly you're not adding anything worthwhile

usualsuspect · 07/08/2012 21:42

Are we an ilk now?

MyLittleMiracles · 07/08/2012 21:42

My mum had my dad and my grandad around, we had a nice little family unit, money was good, but then guess what, unexpected things happen! My father was diagnosed with throat cancer and died within three months, my grandfather passed away less than a month later, me and my sister were planned. I was just 15months old It was just life, is that my mums fault? NO IT IS NOT! Her mum died about 16years before and both my father parents had also passed on, so it was no ones fault. Just life.

And as to ready for the consequences i dont think anyone really realises how much their lives will change when they have a baby, only life experience can give you that.

Also, sometimes marriages dont work out, I was married for 6 years, and getting a divorce, and nope not really got any plans for the, like a structured schedule But my little boy is 2 so honestly he doesnt really mind, or get bored of doing the same thing repeatedly. He just likes spending time with mummy.

I think YABVU,

usualsuspect · 07/08/2012 21:44

Maybe Denises ilk only paying minimum wage knowing that the government will top up wages is part of the bigger problem?

GhostShip · 07/08/2012 21:45

I find it ironic that those who complain about people on benefits and the like, are the ones paying us a pittance.

Denise34 · 07/08/2012 21:46

Ghostship, how much do you suggest I pay my staff, and how will paying them extra allow me to "accumulate" more money??

usualsuspect · 07/08/2012 21:49

You could pay them a living wage, then they wouldn't have to claim CTC WTC etc.

But you know they can so you pay them minimum wage.

usualsuspect · 07/08/2012 21:50

So you exploit the benefits system just as much as the feckless scroungers.

NovackNGood · 07/08/2012 21:52

Or we could stop all those benefits and people take more personal responsibility before they get pregnant. But hey the left are never ones for personal responsibility when they can keep borrowing and give it out as handouts.