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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have left after 15 minutes

147 replies

MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 21:47

Dh took 6 year old ds camping today. Ds2 is 14 weeks and we won't really think about going camping with him for another year.

They were planning on going to a site ten minutes from the house but it was full so he decided to go to our usual place, about an hour and a bit away. I was a bit gutted to be missing out, I love that site, stunning setting and we've been going there for years. Anyway I helped them get the gear together and waved them of.

I was sitting feeding the baby about an hour later and decided to go down for the rest of the afternoon and evening. So set of. Dh had suggested this before leaving.

So after a lovely drive I was looking forward to chilling out for a bit at the campsite. Get there and they are all pitched up with a fire going. Sat in the porch bit with both ds's whilst dh was posting

OP posts:

austenozzy · 05/08/2012 09:26

Just seen the post re macca's. Glad it seems to not be causing a big problem - worth a quick chat though, when all is calm, to see if you can get him to not swear in your direction!

Arabellasmella · 05/08/2012 09:29

haven't read it all but imagine with a 14 week old baby you are both knackered. Yes him too. He's had to put a tent up by himself with a 6 year old mithering him. He'll be tired then you pitch up and start moaning about the smoke. Can understand why he snapped, and why you reacted the way you did. It isn't nice, but it isn't the end of the world. be friends

Diddydollydo · 05/08/2012 09:47

Bloody hell, DH and I must be the only couple on here who have had a stupid fight over a stupid thing when we have both over reacted and behaved like nobs. I think the OP's situation was just one of those things that can happen occasionally in some relationships and doesn't mean that there are massive issues afoot. Glad all OK now OP but I guess it would be an idea to talk to your DH about the swearing again if it upsets you.

dappply · 05/08/2012 10:44

Hello there. Sympathy, I've got a 12 week old do know what head space you might be in, me and dh ate squabbling constantly at the moment, blowing up at each other,, taking each other too personally, seriously or overreacting and misubderstanding, it's very difficult. I'm putting it down to us both being under pressure and thinking it'll pass.i think from what you've said, it's six of one, half dozen of other. Just tiredness, pressure and relationship readjustment.

Ps- regarding camping. I've been camping three times already with my 12 week old and went many many times with my three year ds when he was newborn. I can totally understand your anxiety, the first few times I did it with ds I didn't sleep, I was too worried that he was too hot or too cold. But I promise now I do it with total confidence and ease, without a worry and my babies love it, sleep better than they ever do at home and it's brilliant. I dress my babies in a vest, their pyjamas and fleecey all in one with a hood. Then they have their sleeping bag on and I add or take off blankets depending on temperate. I have amby baby hammock so I've sometimes taken that, or else they been in their blanket lined carry cot from the buggy. My babies have never been too cold, even in April in Scotland. They once been too hot through me dressing them in a winter sleep suit, but it was easy to tell as he wouldn't sleep and felt hot. It's also east to tell that they are warm enough. Even when it's really cold, you just periodically put a cou

dappply · 05/08/2012 10:46

Aaagh, posted on phone before I'd edited! Sorry for all mistakes, I'm rubbish at typing on iPhone.

Meant to say..... A couple of fingers inside their pyjamas on their tummy and they are always warm as toast.

Original poster

MrsKeithRichards · 05/08/2012 11:52

I might give it a go, I am missing our nights under canvas.

The fire might be an issue, he's a total cave man and needs a fire. It restricts what sites we can go to! In fact he'd be happy wild camping if I didn't insist on a loo!

OP posts:

dappply · 05/08/2012 13:22

I'm the same, need a campfire or else it diesn't feel like proper camping. That's the point for me, when the kids are asleep, sitting around the fire socialising. We went to a brilliant organic farm site with a cafe and showers that felt like wild camping as you could choose your pitch in a beautiful camping field and have a fire. At twilight one by one other people from the campsite came and joined us until we werea dozen or so with guitars and telling stories. Twas amazing.

Have you seen campfires.cc/ ? Some great ideas on there.

Incidentally, why are you worried about the campfire and the baby? Not something I've ever worried about.

Proudnscary · 05/08/2012 13:28

Not read replies.

I'm guessing either there was tension before hand because he felt you were moaning at him for various perceived crimes or there a big back story about him being a bit of a bad tempered twat?

If it's the former you overreacted and need to look to yourself.

janey68 · 05/08/2012 13:29

Echo everything daapply says about camping with babies , it's really not a problem to keep them toasty. I don't think we've ever found any sites as nice as the ones she describes though- I'm jealous!
Also confused about the fire problem. Tbh having a babe in arms is far easier around the campfire than a toddler... As far as smoke is concerned, while obviously you don't sit with the baby in the direction the winds blowing .. But you wouldn't anyway would you? Smoke in eyes is horrible whatever age you are , the baby isn't any different in that respect

Proudnscary · 05/08/2012 13:29

And I have and would tell my dh to fuck off if he was being a PITA, doesn't mean I don't respect and love him. Means 'You are being a nob, please go away'. Not in front of my dc obvs!

CaveJohnson · 05/08/2012 13:35

Personally, I think YAB a bit U and precious. I know I bristle if I have spent time doing something and then DH makes a (perceived) negative comment. Even if I have just made a roast, if he then says the meat's a bit dry, I might counter with 'well don't eat it then'. Both DH and I are fairly quick to temper, but we do recognise this and apologise afterward.

There wasn't any need for such a nark, but I think he probably felt picked on with your smoke comment. You might have felt the same had you done all the hard work only to be met with criticism.

I expect both your resentment with fester all weekend now, totally spoiling what should have been fun and relaxing. Not good for any of you.

CaveJohnson · 05/08/2012 13:41

If you will marry Keith Richards though...

Original poster

MrsKeithRichards · 05/08/2012 14:03

It was the smoke. It was quite still so was just kind of wafting and hard to avoid. Would have been easily dealt with we just didn't get that far!

OP posts:

bogeyface · 05/08/2012 14:07

Would have been easily dealt with we just didn't get that far!

Yes, because you stormed off!

Original poster

MrsKeithRichards · 05/08/2012 14:12

That's right bogey, well spotted!

I didn't leave because of the smoke I left because I got told to fuck of, it hurt my feelings and didn't want to smile and ignore or have a discussion. So I left. Honestly there was no storming involved!

Anyway there home now, suitably tired and smelling of wood smoke! All bathed and dh went for a lie down so I snuck in for a cuddle. Me leaving didn't ruin their night, no tension here but we will have a chat later. I think my actions have made him finally twig I don't like getting sworn at.

I think I'm allowed to not accept being spoken to like that am I not? I know it might be normal or acceptable to some but not to me.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 05/08/2012 14:40

Bogeyface, why are you blaming her for leaving when she was told to fuck off? Do you put up with being spoken to like that? Do you think that's the way people normally speak to each other and they should just put up with it?

janey68 · 05/08/2012 14:43

Good , glad its all sorted. Really there is nothing to fear from a bit of woodsmoke... Tis part of proper camping. I think your dh just felt a bit pissed off - a bit like if youd had an afternoon at home with kids and housework and he waltzed in from work and made a comment about the state of the house

Pandemoniaa · 05/08/2012 15:13

I think I'd have done the same, OP. I wouldn't tolerate anyone telling me to "fuck off then" without me doing precisely that. It's not the difference of opinion, as such - it may well be that your DH didn't think he needed reminding about the campfire smoke - it's the way he chose to respond that was inappropriate. Nobody needs to put up with being sworn at in an aggressive manner. Hopefully you'll have a more productive talk with him later.

bogeyface · 05/08/2012 16:18

Because it was a massive over reaction.

"Please dont speak to me like that/swear infront of the children" would have been all it took. A 2 hour round trip for 15 minutes is not a reasonable "I just left", it is a strop!

He shouldnt have sworn if he knows she doesnt like it, but if he had had a stressful time and then perceived her as criticising then I can see where it came from. He didnt yell, he didnt become aggressive, he didnt call her names. It simply didnt merit such a reaction. Mention you dont like it, ask for it not to be done again and move on.

AgentZigzag · 05/08/2012 16:31

I must admit, now I think about it, some people I know do say things to children as an indirect way of saying something critical to another person in the room.

Like 'Oh look, Daddy's managed to haul himself out of bed now the dinner's been made, how lovely it must be to have a lay in' kind of thing

I'm not saying I think that's what the OP was actually doing, but I can maybe understand a bit more what other posters have been saying about how it could have sounded to the DH.

I'm glad you've sorted it so you're getting on today OP maybe poking him in the eye with a sharp piece of burning firewood could have got your message across better?

Something to think about if there's a next time

pigletmania · 05/08/2012 16:42

Yes it was a horribal and rude thing to say, but I would have pulled him up on it there are then, and told him that the way he spoke to me is unacceptable and rude and make him apologise.

Original poster

MrsKeithRichards · 05/08/2012 21:48

Agent I totally know what you mean I hate that sort of shit, when people speak to a child about an adult. That's not what I done!

OP posts:

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