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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have left after 15 minutes

147 replies

MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 21:47

Dh took 6 year old ds camping today. Ds2 is 14 weeks and we won't really think about going camping with him for another year.

They were planning on going to a site ten minutes from the house but it was full so he decided to go to our usual place, about an hour and a bit away. I was a bit gutted to be missing out, I love that site, stunning setting and we've been going there for years. Anyway I helped them get the gear together and waved them of.

I was sitting feeding the baby about an hour later and decided to go down for the rest of the afternoon and evening. So set of. Dh had suggested this before leaving.

So after a lovely drive I was looking forward to chilling out for a bit at the campsite. Get there and they are all pitched up with a fire going. Sat in the porch bit with both ds's whilst dh was posting

OP posts:
BuntCadger · 04/08/2012 22:10

Spoke to dh he said.

He was completely unreasonable to talk to you like that especially in front of her dc and that you don't want smoke near tent, especially after several children dying from carbon monoxide poisoning when camping. And that you were right to leave.

I stand corrected.

PeggyCarter · 04/08/2012 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maras2 · 04/08/2012 22:11

Zigzag.Not that post but the one where she/he accused OP of being negative when she interrupted his fire ritual thing.

yeahbaby · 04/08/2012 22:11

Did he say to you directly, well fuck off then, or did he say it under his breath in a moaning type way? Just asking cause you said you heard him, not that he said it to you.
If I had planned some 1 on 1 with one of my kids and my partner pitched up with the other and then made a remark which I felt was trying to tell me I would have to move or change something then I might give a sarcky, well bugger off if u don't like it type reply.

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:11

No he was initially pleased to see me I think and we'd left it at him saying pop down later.

I know pitching up can be a bit stressy but I don't expect to get the brunt of it.

No backstory as such. We're not perfect but we're doing fine! I have taken issue with his swearing in the past though. I swear but I just swear, he'll swear at people and he's been told how it makes me feel before. I guess I'm making my pOint. His mum and dad swear at each other, not in full blown argue type way but I have heard them tell each other to fuck off where a no would have sufficed. Never in front of ds.

In contrast I've never heaRd my mum and dad swear and would think they hated each other if I did. So I think he doesn't mean it in the way I take it but I'm not going to accept being sworn at.

OP posts:
peeriebear · 04/08/2012 22:12

How has it been ruined Early? OP only popped over for the evening anyway and DS knew she wasn't staying. She didn't make a scene, just calmly left making sure she said bye to DS and gave him a hug. 'Ruined by squabbling parents' how?

ekidna · 04/08/2012 22:14

not excusable
however have to say that IME...

tent erection time and tent derection time has been the biggest cause of out of the blue crazy arguments with my other camping half

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:14

There was no storming or squabble, it was all very calm which has probably left dh quite puzzled.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 04/08/2012 22:16

OP - your first sentence stated that '' ds2 is 14 weeks so we really won't think about going camping with him for another year.''

So.....why did you go?

Your dh was unreasonable for flying off the handle, but I don't think you should have gone to begin with.

You should have stayed home and had a lovely time with your baby, and let your dh/ds1 have some good father/son time doing something enjoyable together.

IMO.

EugenesAxe · 04/08/2012 22:16

Do you have a habit of passive-aggressiveness when it comes to showing your displeasure or do you openly and calmly speak your mind when aggrieved?

I say so because if you do and even if you didn't mean it like that, your DH may have read it as so; it might have been a sudden 'last straw' moment.

My DH criticises and tries to influence using questions instead of direct statements; I occasionally lose it with him (in a similar way) when that wasn't his intention and I've read his comment wrong.

If it avoided a scene YWNBU, but the behaviour on both sides suggests a weariness with each other at the moment.

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:17

Ekidna I know what you're saying.

One of my fave parts of camping is getting pitched up and sitting with a glass of wine and have a giggle at other campers fighting whist pitching up. All the time completely forgetting we were just as bad!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/08/2012 22:18

And it can be the best thing to leave the situation rather than get into a row in front of the DC.

I'd still be fuming until it'd been resolved though, like Euphemia I can't imagine what could provoke my DH into talking to me like that, or think I'd not take him apart piece by piece retort (at some point).

Sounds like he was trying to start a fight or something, or why say such a provocative thing?

TheBirderer · 04/08/2012 22:21

"I swear but I just swear, he'll swear at people and he's been told how it makes me feel before."

So is he used to saying things like "fuck off" casually as part of a conversation and banter or does he just do it during arguments? (Just wondering, I'd dislike it too).

janey68 · 04/08/2012 22:23

Hm all a bit confusing.
I do think you should have just gone camping in the first place though. You say you were gutted to be missing out. We camped when our kids were 12 weeks old- tbh it'll be easier this year with him than next year when he's toddling! I'm just saying this because I think you were feeling disgruntled and perhaps your dh picked up on that. You then made a negative comment which is annoying - your dh had pitched up and got a fire going and probably just reacted out of annoyance. He shouldn't have told you to fuck off, but it was also odd for you to literally just walk off- you could have told him how hurt you were, and said that of course the smoke wasn't an issue and then youd have rescued your evening

AgentZigzag · 04/08/2012 22:23

Apart from the DS being there, the swearing is neither here nor there.

If he'd said 'well go home then if you don't like it', I'd still be fucked off at him being shitty for no good reason.

austenozzy · 04/08/2012 22:24

I agree with ekidna - he'd probably been pissing about getting a tent up singlehanded, and then getting a fire lit, all while keeping an eye on an excited 6 year old - and then mum rocks up when it's all been done and has a moan about the smoke coming off a fire! (I know that's probably not how it is, OP, my tongue is firmly in cheek over here!)

He probably was getting a bit stressy and bit when he otherwise would have said something a bit sarky, or nothing at all. You've said he's got a potty mouth on him. My OH tells me to fuck right off now and then without meaning anything by it, and it doesn't worry me one jot.

Windsock · 04/08/2012 22:24

Maybe he was tired abd hacked off abd you could have both behaved more like adults ?

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:25

Not in banter as such but will say it in situations where it's not necessary and in my ears it takes a slightly stressful situation into an aggressive one but he doesn't see it like that.

OP posts:
Windsock · 04/08/2012 22:28

You should have said "please don't swear at me can I help at all". Not flounced off like a nobber

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:28

I wouldn't feel comfortable camping with an infant. No doubt it can be done, hats of to those that do but it's not for me.

Windsock I didn't want to engage. I'm usually a lot more forthright with my displeasure but just didn't have it in me this evening. What would have been more adult?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:30

But I don't want to create the impression that it's ok to swear at me. I didn't flounce, not a flounce in sight.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/08/2012 22:31

Hey Windsock, there's nothing nobbish about a good flounce Grin

You've just got to get it right, eg, not forgetting your keys and having to go back for them.

Earlybird · 04/08/2012 22:34

peeriebear - her ds thought he was going camping with his dad, and mum was staying home. She shows up unexpectedly with the baby, there is a brief flare-up between the parents and tension. Mum then disappears as suddenly as she appeared. This 'incident' that will fester until they return home (won't the car ride home be a fun one for ds1?). Parents will inevitably have a tense discussion about it upon arrival.

So - poor ds1 has an angry and upset Mum, an unhappy, distracted (and perhaps guilty) dad.

This camping trip was supposed to be time for father and son to be together but it has been hijacked (anyone think that perhaps ds1 needs some special attention since his world has been turned upside down by arrival of new child?). Neither mum nor dad is thinking about son's experience atm.

Poor ds1. I think both of you owe him a big apology.

Earlybird · 04/08/2012 22:35

OP you are not making sense. You just said you wouldn't feel comfortable camping with an infant - and yet you impulsively took your infant son camping. Confused

boodles · 04/08/2012 22:36

I think I would have said what Windsock said, purely because now it has become something that will be hanging in the air until he can come home and you can discuss it. I hope that he doesn't feel too stressed about it and not enjoy time with his daughter now.