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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have left after 15 minutes

147 replies

MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 21:47

Dh took 6 year old ds camping today. Ds2 is 14 weeks and we won't really think about going camping with him for another year.

They were planning on going to a site ten minutes from the house but it was full so he decided to go to our usual place, about an hour and a bit away. I was a bit gutted to be missing out, I love that site, stunning setting and we've been going there for years. Anyway I helped them get the gear together and waved them of.

I was sitting feeding the baby about an hour later and decided to go down for the rest of the afternoon and evening. So set of. Dh had suggested this before leaving.

So after a lovely drive I was looking forward to chilling out for a bit at the campsite. Get there and they are all pitched up with a fire going. Sat in the porch bit with both ds's whilst dh was posting

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:16

Honestly there was no drama. I just gathered my stuff spoke to and hugged ds and left. dh seen me at back of tent, asked where I was going and I told him. That was it. Reminding him yet again not to swear at me would have resulted in a more heated discussion, one we've had before. He gets very defensive. I wasn't prepared to get into that.

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WorraLiberty · 04/08/2012 23:16

I commented on the smoke in relation to the baby. Not moaning just thinking out loud so to speak, as in we'll have to watch where we're sitting.

Can you honestly put your hand on your heart and say that's true?

I'm not saying it isn't by the way....but if your DH were here now to give his side of the story would he say the same? Or is there a chance he'd say you were grumbling and waving your arms around for example?

There is no excuse for telling you to fuck off by the way....that's just plain rude.

But it might go some way to explaining why he reacted like that?

janey68 · 04/08/2012 23:17

Hilarious? Nope, just not the kind of thing you do when your partner has just set up camp and got the fire going. Start moaning about the smoke. It's very wearing when people are in a negative moany frame of mind- which op clearly was by her own admission

Flojo1979 · 04/08/2012 23:17

Well he clearly works hard, has a new baby.
Lacking sleep.
Probably just had a stressful time trying to put a tent up on his own and messed around building a fire, finally sits down to relax with the fire roaring and u moan at him. No wonder he told u to go!
I suspect he muttered it more to himself than directed it at u.
Poor DS.

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:19

He's not lacking sleep, you can take that right out of the equation!

Baby sleeping through, dh sleeping soundly!

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scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 23:20

it was a disproportionate reaction
you left son and dh
you need be frank,this isn't about a comment.face up to the actual issue

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:22

Worra I get what you're saying but honestly it was along the lines of ,' we'll need to keep an eye on the wind, don't want baby sitting in amongst all the smoke'.

And it was said to ds in conversation,
I wasn't flapping about or whinging.

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WorraLiberty · 04/08/2012 23:24

Ahh right I see MrsKeithRichards

I bet Mick Jagger wouldn't have told you to fuck off Sad

scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 23:25

youre response was disproportionate
what's the real beef
and despite your huff you two still need to talk about the big stuff

AgentZigzag · 04/08/2012 23:26

Do you feel whatever you'd have said/done MrsK would have got a shitty remark?

Was it what you said about the smoke or was he just spoiling for a fight (I know you can't know for sure yourself without asking him, but just going on what he's usually like)

janey68 · 04/08/2012 23:27

Reverse thread:

"I'm knackered with a 14 week old baby. Dh arrived home from work, looked around the house and commented negatively on my attempts at housework. I muttered fuck off then under my breath. He turned round, walked out and hasn't been in touch since"

MN response: leave the bastard.

Moral of the tale: MN double standards

complexnumber · 04/08/2012 23:28

Was he expecting you to turn up with your 16 week baby? Or had he just built a fire for kids.

TBH, if I had built a fire for a DS and then DP had turned up with a v. young baby, then of course I would have told DP to get out of the fucking way.

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:29

I would take it from Mick

agent he can be a grumpy fuck at times but he seemed cool when I turned up whilst it's not unusual for him to speak to me like that it was out of the blue if that makes sense.

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Earlybird · 04/08/2012 23:31

OP - you clearly don't think you are/were being unreasonable. Nothing anyone has said (constructive, critical or otherwise) seems to have caused you to pause and/or reconsider your role in this exchange.

If you are so sure you are right and he is wrong - with all due respect - why did you post in the first place?

Like another poster - I think there is something much deeper going on in the relationship that needs to be addressed.

Olympicnmix · 04/08/2012 23:31

When you are able, you do need to explain to him what Fuck off means to you - something you say to your worst enemy/someone you despise - as it sounds like he uses to to show exasperation or frustration, but not necessarily with the venom you invest it. I'd ask him not to use that phrase in response to you.

Fwiw, I would be surprised and hurt too if anyone of my close acquaintance, especially a OH, spoke to me like that. I can understand too why you went home, leaving the 'boys' to it, as he made you feel unwelcome and it gives you all time to reflect/cool off. But there is something to be said for being more upfront and tackling issues head on as they arise, as you are going to bed on a hurt that could have been quickly resolved.

JessePinkman · 04/08/2012 23:31

Was there any way of moving the baby out of the smoke, rather than expecting dh to control the elements?

Shame to fall out camping.

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:32

He was half expecting me, I knew there would be a fire I was just pondering the best way to keep out the reek. Ds's and I had been fine in the porch but wind was changing.

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scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 23:32

nonetheless you and dh ave to sort this
I'm astonished you left your son
and flounced

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:36

In what way did I leave my son? Ds1 was staying there anyway, ds2 in sling with me.

Jesse there were plenty of options I'm guessing but I got told to fuck of before I could explore them so I just kind of went 'ya know what, I will'

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AgentZigzag · 04/08/2012 23:38

The OP didn't even say anything to her DH Jesse.

'it was along the lines of ,' we'll need to keep an eye on the wind, don't want baby sitting in amongst all the smoke'.

And it was said to ds in conversation,'

scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 23:39

as you said
you left son and husband
you left son with minimal notice,no particular goodbye as you'd huff with dh

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:39

Earlybird I don't think I'm not listening, I'm pondering a lot actually.

I admit to cutting my nose of and all that but none of the alternatives seem viable.

I'm wondering if quite a big reaction, and different from my usual way of dealing things, might make him realise I don't want sworn at.

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Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:41

There was a big normal goodbye and have a great time with ds. I've said that a few times.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 23:44

do you think you and dh have issues
is this how things go for you two
perceived slight,and flare up

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:47

I don't like getting sworn at and he swears. I guess that's an issue.

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