Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have left after 15 minutes

147 replies

MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 21:47

Dh took 6 year old ds camping today. Ds2 is 14 weeks and we won't really think about going camping with him for another year.

They were planning on going to a site ten minutes from the house but it was full so he decided to go to our usual place, about an hour and a bit away. I was a bit gutted to be missing out, I love that site, stunning setting and we've been going there for years. Anyway I helped them get the gear together and waved them of.

I was sitting feeding the baby about an hour later and decided to go down for the rest of the afternoon and evening. So set of. Dh had suggested this before leaving.

So after a lovely drive I was looking forward to chilling out for a bit at the campsite. Get there and they are all pitched up with a fire going. Sat in the porch bit with both ds's whilst dh was posting

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:38

I didn't take him camping. I took him down to spend the afternoon and early evening with dh and ds at the campsite.

OP posts:
boodles · 04/08/2012 22:39

Sorry I meant time with his son, not daughter.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 04/08/2012 22:45

So he said a bad word and you had a hissy fit?

Yes you did cut off your nose to spite your face. Try talking about it like adults next time, rather than spoil everything for everyone. Life's too short.

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:47

Interesting analysis earlybird but I beg to differ, we don't really brood and I'm confident they'll be having a ball.

Maybe I shouldn't have bothered but dh is working lots, we're hardly ever all together and I feel a bit stuck at home with new baby.

So yeah I guess moody cow me did piss on their parade a bit but I did go and I got sworn at. What should I have done so as not to accept getting spoken to like that?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:48

There was no hissy fit.

Am I meant to just accept he's going to tell me to fuck off?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/08/2012 22:50

'So he said a bad word and you had a hissy fit? '

I'm surprised you can't see it's more than just this.

It's a bit of a simplistic interpretation to say the OP left just because he said 'fuck'.

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:54

I'm trying to drum it into him that telling me to fuck of hurts me.

To him it's just something he says when he's pissed off. To me it's a massive insult you say to someone you hate.

So who should adapt?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 22:55

are you usually such a draw queen
no he shouldn't have had sworn
but your reaction hints of a bigger malaise,this want about a grumpy fuck off

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 22:58

No, I usually just let it slide or remind him I'm not here to be sworn at.

I just had enough.

I guess I should just grin and bear the way he speaks to me.

Scottishmummy what should I have done?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 23:01

you firmly assertively say we need to talk
you address what's upset you
you don't strop off like a huffy princess

LynetteScavo · 04/08/2012 23:02

I'm kind of guessing it depends on what type of relationship you have.

If DH had said this (and he hardly ever swears) I would think "I've overstepped the mark by criticising his personal space that he has created", and shut up about about the smoke, and maybe sniggered that he had sworn. I would have told him to fuck off if I'd taken ages to make a special cake and he came to taste some and told me he didn't like cherries in fruit cake, or his mum didn't like cherries in fruit cake. (or what ever).

But maybe you guys have a different type of relationship. If you were highly offended, you were quite right to leave, though.

ekidna · 04/08/2012 23:02

Some people accept being told to fuck off. I don't like it either.
of course you shouldn't have to bear it.
I think flighting was a perfectly fair response to the situation.

janey68 · 04/08/2012 23:03

You're feeling stuck at home with the baby, You were gutted to be missing out, you hardly get to spend any time together ... For goodness sake, you should have just gone in the first place and camped. 14 week old babies are really portable. It'll be a doddle this year compared to next. And it was only an hour away from home so you could have nipped home easily if baby didn't settle.

You created a situation where you were feeling sorry for yourself anyway and then overreacted when your dh swore. He shouldn't have, but really it seems like you cut off your nose to spite your face in the first place by feeling you had to miss out

LynetteScavo · 04/08/2012 23:03

But before flouncing, I think you should have said "please don't swear at me".

scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 23:05

do you empathise he's working tons
do you both try acknowledge your both feeling ragged
what's way forward,without further dramatic rows

ekidna · 04/08/2012 23:07

jesus christ in the sky, the OP has not long had a baby I think whether she fights, flights, freezes, conforms to being told to fuck off, feels sorry for herself, doesn't feel sorry for herself, joins in full fun, joins in half fun, goes camping, doesn't go camping is all completely reasonable

gomez · 04/08/2012 23:09

It was so a flounce.

Why didnt you just respond by saying don't swear at me. Not accepting but equally not being a drama llama. And to be fair to your DH a 'well fuck off then' in response to a whine/ramble about wood smoke is probably not telling you to fuck off really, for someone who swears it is more akin to 'like it or lump'. Would you have reacted so badly to the same sentiment without the fuck? What about 'well piss off then'?

All seems a bit precious tbh.

scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 23:10

why?she's had baby her dh working flat out
both under pressure
mum doesn't get a say anyfink you want card cause she is mutha

Original poster
MrsKeithRichards · 04/08/2012 23:10

Nice idea scottishmummy but I think I felt a field surrounded by other campers was the time or place for relationship counselling.

I know it's possible to camp with a baby but the thought of the temp dropping at night worries me. It's not about the settling etc but worrying about him regulating his temperature ok. And the smoky fire but we won't mention that.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/08/2012 23:11

'I'm kind of guessing it depends on what type of relationship you have.'

If he was likely to back down and acknowledge he was being shitty and apologise, telling him you'd prefer him not to spout random crap at you would be OK.

If he's like to ratchet it up into a full blown/volume argument from the off (which the OP's said would have been likely), definitely best to leave.

janey68 · 04/08/2012 23:12

Oh come on- giving birth over 3 months ago does not render one incapable! It's so demeaning to women to try to use that as an excuse... Shes pregnant/ breastfeeding/ had a baby within the last year, therefore she can't be expected to be rational.

She should not have been negative about his fire.
He should not have sworn.
She Should not have flounced

JugsMcGee · 04/08/2012 23:12

AIBU: the place where no matter what you do, you are being unreasonable.

OP I would have left too, I don't think it would have been appropriate to have a discussion like that around your DS. You were calm and said bye to your son, it's not as if you screamed at him and stormed off, squealing tyres as you went!

Awwww was poor ickle hubby hurt because his wifey moved the bubba away from the nasty smoke? Give me a break, there was no need to tell her to fuck off. If he gets that stressed putting a tent up maybe he shouldn't go camping.

scottishmummy · 04/08/2012 23:12

oh grow up.I'm not talking deep exploration of your coupleness
a simple I'm not happy we need to talk
not a full on princess strop

ekidna · 04/08/2012 23:13

yes both under pressure. he chose his reaction. OP chose hers.

ekidna · 04/08/2012 23:14

"She should not have been negative about his fire."

omg hilarious.