Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should I tell my friend about his daughter's drinking or am i shit stirring?

149 replies

baskingseals · 03/08/2012 22:05

my friend is a lone parent. his ex-wife has recently moved abroad. when they spilt up i helped him with looking after the children especially his dd.

she's now 12. i took her camping with us and we went to the shop, and everyone got a little treat. she asked me for a bottle of fruity cider and i said no. i then relented and said ok, but she would have to share it and drink it with the bbq. when we got back she told me that her mum let her have 4 bottles a day.

given that her mum doesn't live in here anymore should i tell my friend?

OP posts:
Original poster
baskingseals · 03/08/2012 23:06

point taken killa.

OP posts:
killagorilla · 03/08/2012 23:07
Grin
Shelly32 · 03/08/2012 23:07

kingagorilla 8 or 12 it's still wrong. Yawn. I was being nasty. She deserved it. Alcohol is not for children and adults should know better. My kids are 2.5. I'm sure I'll make 'blips' but buying bottles of alcohol for them will not be one of them.

bigTillyMint · 03/08/2012 23:08

I think you should have said that you couldn' tbuy her cider as it would be
a) illegal
b) neither of her parents had given you permission
c) studies show that children who start drinking young are more likely to experience problems with alcohol later (never mind anything else)

I think you should apologise to her father for buying the cider (albeit that she only had a small amount) as you are in loco parentis and did not have his permission.

WOULD IT BE OK IF A TEACHER BOUGHT A CHILD SOME CIDER WHILST ON SCHOOL JOURNEY JUST BECAUSE THEY SAID THEIR MOTHER SAID THEY COULD?

IMHO this is a child in need.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 03/08/2012 23:10

bigTilly

She didn't buy it because her mother said she could drink. She bought it before the child mentioned her mum letting her drink.

killagorilla · 03/08/2012 23:11

Ok Shelley good for you, I wish you luck when your kids get to their teen years. My son has just started and the stuff I swore I wouldn't stand for all of a sudden has become pretty unimportant in the bigger picture. Someone giving him a little bit of cider is definitely one of them. Grin

bigTillyMint · 03/08/2012 23:12

Then that's even worse Shock

more · 03/08/2012 23:13

it would be for sale in the alcoholic aisle not in the soft drinks section.

bigTillyMint · 03/08/2012 23:13

And I have a 13yo DD. If I as a parent see fit to let her taste some alcohol, then that's my decision. I would not be happy if someone else took that decision for me.

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/08/2012 23:15

What is done is done.

Now it is time to tell your friend everything and accept the consequences.

DinnerMedal · 03/08/2012 23:15

OP. Don't be so fucking stupid. Of course you can't buy alcohol for a 12 year old. If you are not a troll, this is fucking depressing.

more · 03/08/2012 23:17

you could actually be fined up to £5000 for buying her the booze, and jail if you refuse to pay. Think again if you really want to tell your "friend" about all of this, also worry about his daughter telling him.

Shelly32 · 03/08/2012 23:19

I'm not stupid. I know I will not have control of my kids when they hit their teens. I'm sure they won't be prefect but someone else giving my child alcohol, (especially not an adult) will not be tolerated. Good luck with your boy! I'm sure I'll be messaging you for advice in a few year time! Smile

killagorilla · 03/08/2012 23:21

I think I might be in an early grave from my own teenagers before your little ones even get to that stage. :) you still have the terrible twos to get through yet...actually probably not as bad as teen hormones. Any chance you want to swap?

Shelly32 · 03/08/2012 23:23

If he comes packing a bottle of cider I'll def swap Grin

killagorilla · 03/08/2012 23:23

Hang on a sec, if the 12 year old was happy to tell people at a campsite he mums gives her alcohol then surely she has mentioned it to her dad? Or am I being a bit stupid here?

MirandaGoshawk · 03/08/2012 23:25

OP - tell your friend what she told you about the mum & let him decide if she was fibbing/what to do.

But be careful how you say it - my DS when he was little told me something had happened & I went & accused the person involved. It turned out he was fantasising and I looked a right prat. It could be that this girl misses her mum, thinks "If she were here she'd buy me four bottles a day", that kind of thing.

Original poster
baskingseals · 03/08/2012 23:28

miranda - exactly - so do i tell or not?
is it true?

killa i don't think she would have mentioned it to her dad. the divorce was not amicable to say the least.

OP posts:
Original poster
baskingseals · 03/08/2012 23:30

but again, i don't want her to be asking people for cider or any alcohol.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 03/08/2012 23:30

Baskingseals, just tell him what happened as it happened. And let him decide what to do with the information.

Shelly32 · 03/08/2012 23:32

Tell him. Even if it isn't true Re: the 4 bottles, at least it gives the dad a chance to talk about underage drinking with is underage drinker.

Original poster
baskingseals · 03/08/2012 23:33

ok i think that's what i'll do. even if she doesn't see her mum, i think he should be aware of what she has told me.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/08/2012 23:38

but again, i don't want her to be asking people for cider or any alcohol

She probably wouldn't if she didn't think it was worth her while

Sorry but you definitely made it worth her while to ask.

RoomForASmallOne · 03/08/2012 23:42

One way to stop her asking for alcohol OP is to not buy her any when she asks you to Hmm

Explain to her why no adult should be buying her alcohol.

Her father needs to know too.

Original poster
baskingseals · 03/08/2012 23:44

yes i did. her dad is an old family friend. our mums were friends. she was in a safe environment. on holiday with me and my dc and my friend and hers.
if we hadn't been on holiday it wouldn't have happened. i portioned out the cider. she had the smallest amount. with her burgers. nothing bad was going to happen to her. i have been looking after her for extended periods of time since she was 3 years old as her dad used to work away a lot.

i care about her and her happiness. the last thing i want is that she thinks it is okay to drink alcohol and okay to ask people to buy it for her.

OP posts: