should I tell my friend about his daughter's drinking or am i shit stirring?

[baskingseals]

my friend is a lone parent. his ex-wife has recently moved abroad. when they spilt up i helped him with looking after the children especially his dd.

she's now 12. i took her camping with us and we went to the shop, and everyone got a little treat. she asked me for a bottle of fruity cider and i said no. i then relented and said ok, but she would have to share it and drink it with the bbq. when we got back she told me that her mum let her have 4 bottles a day.

given that her mum doesn't live in here anymore should i tell my friend?

could somebody please tell me if i should mention the 4 bottles of cider a day she says she drinks with her mum, or not?

her dad is a very old friend and i don't want to upset him, but neither do i want to be irresponsible.

Eh? so you bought it because you thought it was OK to do that, not because you thought her mum though it was OK. It says something about your judgment then, doesn't it?

I think she's lying, but I would mention it

i am not worried about my judgement.

i am worried about her mother's

You have already been irresponsible by buying the alcohol for her! If somebody had bought alcohol for my 12 year old I would be beyond annoyed.

again, you would be shit stirring, and you need to take a long hard look at yourself and your reasons for enabling her down what could possibly be a very slippery road here.

well save me from myself then

should i tell him or not?

First of all, you don't really know if her mother did actually buy her alcohol. Secondly, there is a huge difference between a parent letting a child have alcohol and another adult doing it. I wouldn't do it in either case, but really, your judgement is rather dodgy in this case.

Yes, tell him. And tell him what you did too.

so if this 12yo said her mother let her skin up would you have bought her an eighth? she's in your care
your judgement sounds pretty off

You must tell her dad everything she said and that you bought the child alcohol.

You made a mistake buying it for her and in sharing the wine with her. Quarter of a bottle of wine, too? Fuck! what were you thinking??

Shit stirring is the least of the father's worries.

If he's your friend tell him, I think you may have made a bit of a lapse of judgement here. Do you have children of your own? As a parent I'd want to know if my child had been given alcohol but I'd also be a lot more wary of the old "but my mam lets me do it".

I imagine if the DF had said it was ok for his DD to have a small alcoholic drink with a meal you would have mentioned it in your OP. YWBU to give a child alcohol.

quite.

so do i tell him what she told me or not?

not

Just because she told you she was drinking 4 bottles of cider a day doesn't mean she is. I have a 12 year old and they will say pretty much anything that gets them their own way/ makes them look cool/ fits with the image they are trying to project.

I would be furious if someone took a statement like that at face value and gave my 12 yo even 1/4 cup of cider. You should have at least checked with the dad it was OK.

Yes, I would tell the dad what she said because this needs dealing with, not so much because I suspect it is true but because she is getting stupid adults to buy her alcohol and it needs stopping. Make sure you own up too, though.

so three swallows of cider has turned into a quarter of a bottle of wine.

it'll be meths out of a brown paper bag in a minute.

Imagine yourself in your friend's position - would you want to be told about it?

I think you need to tell him what his daughter said and that you bought her cider.

Tell him.
On the grounds that I'd want to know if I were in his shoes.

Can we all stop about the how appropriate or not it was for the OP to by the blessed cidre in the first place? I think she's got the gist of the general feeling here.

Sheesh!

Took my 13 year old nephew to the coast the other day. When we were in the shop I asked him if he wanted a treat and he asked for a packet of cigarettes. I was shocked but he swore his mum buys them for him all the time so I gave in and bought them.

thank you vermicious.

yes if it was me i would want to know. i will tell him i bought her the cider.
i am ok with the fact i bought her the cider, it is the 4 bottles a day with her mum that is bugging me.

Yes tell him about the stupid thing her mum did (if true) and the stupid thing you did.

Who buys a 12 year old alcohol especially one who isnt your own child

to repeat.

she did not tell me about her mum in the shop. ie she did not use that as an arguement to persuade me to buy her the cider.

How often does she go abroad to see her Mum?

Or is it that she lives with her Mum and is now visiting her Dad?

OP, I think you should tell him. I think it is quite worrying that a 12 yo asks for alcohol, she has obviously had quite a bit before and your friend needs to know this. He also needs to know that she will ask for alcohol when she isn't with him. I actually don't think that giving a glass of cider to a 12yo is a big deal, but when a 12yo is asking for booze then it is iyswim.

My parents gave us cider and watered down wine on special occasions and it hasn't affected me in the slightest. hic