To be irritated that my friend is selling clothes I gave to her on ebay?

[girlafraid]

She has a DS 6 months younger than mine. I pass on DSs clothes which are in good nick. I'm pretty good at getting stuff in the sales so it's mostly Boden, Scandi stuff, John Lewis.... nice things.

Her DS wears the stuff and I'm glad it gets used.... but I've just noticed that she's selling the stuff her DS has grown out of on ebay. She did ask me a while ago what I wanted her to do with the stuff when finished with and I asked her to take it to the charity shop.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off about this?

Yes, another friend has stirred. That's a whole other AIBU

I have given my friend a nearly new bed with mattress (queen size) and two bedside tables. I honestly would not mind one bit if she were to sell them on ebay or give them on freecycle. I dont mind giving things away for free. It helps my friend, I dont have to arrange pick ups, or go through the stress that is ebay!

One turn of events though, is that her dp will go into my house when we are on holiday to refurbish my fireplace and repaint my windowsills.

That is how friendships work, give and take and doing eachother good turns.

OP, if your friend is not balancing out the friendship in other ways, then by all means, dump your used clothes to a charity shop yourself instead of letting your friend benefit with both the use, and selling them on for pennies. I, do however think you are a bit mean. I am glad you are not my friend.

You believe the other friend?

What is the other friends intentions?

Gosh, I really hope I'm not being mean? I just want the stuff given away so noone profits. I feel it's a bit petty to sell 3rd hand clothes that were given to you but looks like lots of people think I'm being very petty to think that. Ho hm....

I knew it!

Why does it matter that no one profits? Whoever is buying them is probably doing so because they can't afford much, so there is a benefit to them going on eBay.

I realise someone would still have that benefit if they were sold by a charity shop and then the charity would benefit too, but I doubt we are talking about a lot of money here, and maybe your friend needs it?

You are mean. Sorry but you are.

You will stop giving a friend hand me downs, because she sells then on ebay rather than doing what you would have done. That is mean.

You therefore rather let some charity sell your clothes and get a few pennies.

Charity begins in "the home", or rather the home environment, your circle of friends, family. If you cant be kind and generous to them wtf is the point giving to charity? For the way it "looks"? You coming in there with your bags of clothes to friend/charity, having the moral highground, saying "there you go".

OP, my gut feeling is that you were kind enough to donate your items to your friend so it was a shame she didn't follow the trend and give them away in the same spirit as you did. You asked her to give them to charity when she was finished with them but she didn't, so IMHO YANBU to be irritated.

yanbu, I have been given some nice things from friends and would never sell them on ebay. If I did I would ask them first and offer them the money.

So you wanted tofeel gracious by giving your friend hand me downs. And now you need to remind her that it wasn't a gift but an act of charity and she is now morally obliged to pass them on to the next needy mother of the parish.

Ugh.

Exactly what Quint said, and also you are doing this because somebody else is stirring up trouble between you. Not the way friends behave really, is it? Sounds like the recipient of your clobber would actually be better off without 'friends' like you two.

Oh and YABVU.

Tell me, would you be even more annoyed if it were brand new, specially chosen, designer baby clothes that you had bought your friend as a present and she deliberately sold them on to make money and buy other thing she preferred? Hmmm? If so there is another thread on here I believe you will be interested in :)

I think I may be your friend who received clothes. IF you are, the stuff I sold was not yours but mine. Your username has caught my attention.
IF you are not my friend then why don't you just ask this friend to donate the money she makes from them to charity, then you get your wish.
Did the person who gave you the clothes say it was ok to pass on the clothes to someone else?

Well if you were that hung up about them going to a charity shop you should have said to save them and that you will take them there yourself. She is not going to make that much money on the clothes, I would rather my friend benefited than some random stranger who will probably sell them on

Whether I think that she is being unreasonable or not, if you are so annoyed about it, there is a simple solution - stop passing clothes on and if she says anything, just say that you are selling them on eBay to earn a few extra pence.

YANBU.

I would not dream of selling hand me downs on eBay, and I'm a prolific eBayer. You said take them to the charity shop - that means take them to the charity shop! It's hardly an onerous task seeing as you've saved her a heap of money through not having to buy clothes.

I think all you can do is stop giving her the clothes in future.

PS I'd be happy to take your hand me downs and I'd take them to the charity shop afterwards :o

I have a friend who has recently done this with some clothes I gave her, and I must admit I felt a tad unsure about it, mainly because I wouldn't do it myself.

Anything I get given for free gets passed on for free- we are not very well off financially at the moment but it would personally feel wrong to make a profit in this way.

I don't think you really have a right to be pissed off if she asked you what you wanted her to do with the clothes - to me that would be asking "do you want these back?" and effectively you told her you didn't.

I gave my SIL bundles of clothes for my niece but specifically said if it had any life left in it after she was done with it I would like it back as I was planning to have more children. I used to get bits and pieces back - fair enough - but then when I asked about a particular coat (which I considered should still be decent) she admitted to selling it on. I just stopped passing stuff onto her after that - nuff said.

I would be annoyed but then I am currently selling on dtds clothes and some of those were presents. I wouldn't sell on 2nd hand stuff though - a friend gave me a bouncer and I checked whether she wanted it back or if I could donate it to a baby group. I didn't think it was right to make money out of her generosity. I wouldn't be too upset by your friend though - I'm sure she's not doing it to upset you. Next time you have some clothes, offer to sell them to her.

Yes it is cheeky YANBU. It happened to me once with something quite expensive. I didn't say anything but was peed off and thought she was selfish. Don't give her anything else!

YANBU. Height of bad manners.
Also bemused at the question below "Why would you want a charity to benefit from them and not your friend?"
Er... because the friend had already benefited from their use and now the charity should benefit from them too, rather than lining the friend's pockets, perhaps? is that hard to understand?

I don´t think you are being mean OP.

You´re saving her money by giving her clothes, & she´s not content with that-but wants to make money too!