Mother stalking me on MN. AIBU to be fucking furious?

[MyDogShitsMoney]

That's it basically.

Back in Dec when stbXh and I separated I started a thread on here in an old NN.

It was full of details I would never dream of sharing in RL. That's why I chose an anonymous forum to off-load it all.

Turns out she knows I come on here so she had a good look around on the off-chance I'd talked about it. She found my thread and her and my father had a good read.

Apparently I have no right to be upset as it's only because they love me and because I'm "so private".

My reply was that yes I am a very private person and I'm perfectly entitled to be. As an adult I feel that should be respected. We've never been particularly close (have had a couple threads about various issues) but seriously? This is ok?

I feel so violated, it's just a complete breach of trust IMO. Worse is that they didn't say anything for 8 bloody months, looked me in the eye and acted totally innocent.

Initially I was literally shaking with anger, now I'm just sort of resigned. Fuck all I can do about it now anyway.

Yes I know that the internet is never completely safe but it just never occurred to me that she would actively look. Just a total invasion of privacy. To me it's like finding out someone keeps a diary and going to look for it.

I'm just pissed off that there is no one in the fucking world that doesn't lie to you.

So AIBU? Genuinely interested in any other perspectives because to me it's just inexcusable.

I am coping though, that's the thing!

She's the only one still determined to be distraught over every little thing.

Obviously I still have good days and bad days, and some things are harder than others but on the whole I think i'm doing pretty damn well.

I've accepted it, now i'm just getting on with it.

It's as if she can't bear for her drama to be over.

"It's as if she can't bear for her drama to be over."

And there you have it.

Mothers love their children forever...will give a kidney,walk over hot coals,TRY to protect at all costs.To her you are still that little poppet in T-bar shoes.You think you are a big girl now,but your pain leaves her helpless and afraid for you and your future...forever!! She goes to bed and wakes up with this ..you are her business...forever...If that is being a dramalama,not to mention the nasty analises of her character,then just shoot the poor woman

Or maybe she's just a nosey bugger

gotthemoononastick That is a seriously narrow view of mothers. Sure some mothers are lovely, no doubt. Some mothers are shite though. How that can have escaped your attention, I don't know.

This cult of motherhood BS does my fucking head in. My mum couldn't give a shit about me, until she wants someone to shout at, gossip to or make feel better about herself.

gotthemoononastick You are the OP's mum aren't you.

Breaking my own rule of not posting on any thread over 2 pages long just to say that this was total arse wipe behaviour.

Any argument that this was driven by some deep seated desire to see her daughter without pain is completely shot to dust by the fact that nothing happened. She didn't try to help or do anything different. She didn't want to help, she wanted to know. The two things are different.

Giving birth to someone does not give you the right to know every singly solitary detail of their lives for ever more.

OP did nothing wrong and in no way deserved or could have expected this behaviour. My DH knows by nn - should I presume that he doesn't care about me if he doesn't spent time hunting out my posts?

Genuinely caring means accepting the OP's need for privacy and just being there.

Moon - you THINK you're a big girl now?

Err actually I know I am. Are you?

I am the mother of all the girls who have done psych101,read popular mother bashing literature,use terms like narcissim,wallow in their own perspective of 'dreadful childhoods'.Analise their mothers' characters and come to the 'it fits' conclusions Not too mentally challenged to know that some did sadly suffer horrible abuse. ALL mothers do their best with what resources they have,even if some are not even able to put one foot in front of the other. Its called instinct and love..forever....

"All mothers do their best with what resources they have".

Utter utter bullshit. You might as well say "all teachers do their best" or "all bricklayers do their best" or "all sisters do their best".

Do give it a rest.

yellow...you THINK she doesnt give a s...

Yes, goth, and having known her a lot longer than you have, I'd say I would know better.

You're just OFFENSIVE, seriously. Take your head out of your mother-adoring arse and realise that there are women who seriously couldn't give a rat's arse about their kids. People like you just perpetuate this myth about the sanctity of motherhood.

titchy.....I think I am a big girl now ...almost ready to leave this planet,but my mother doesn't think so.....waves at ever watching mummy on a cloud..LOL

wow yellow...new here and old....will have to learn to suck up 'languages'.Gransnet not such fun!

I have no idea what you're talking about.

YANBU - definitely. People in RL should afford you privacy and dignity if they stumble across you online, I believe.

I realised that a poster was one of my friends - absolutely laughably obvious post and I pm-ed her, and DID NOT look at her posting history. I think this is manners as I would hate someone to look through mine.

But to go searching for it? Just horrible. Robs you of the power to choose who to share with, iyswim.

yellow

passmethecrisps...of course she had to know.....result of being told some things and on others secrecy.How to help would have been arrived at eventually.The situation would have impacted hugely on all family and friends.We are not an island.

gotthe, sadly there really are some Mother's out there who do injustice to the word, and really don't give a shit about anything other than themselves.
Being a Mother doesn't automatically imbue you with honourable values, and No, they don't all do their best.

Probably the majority do.
But if you happen to be the offspring of mother to whom nurturing was an alien concept then I think it might be quite painful to have someone tell you that they were' doing their best'.

Abuse isn't anyone's best. Ever.

frankie,thank you for playing nicely....of course I realise this...my world reference is perfectly nice girls who had lovely homes,who do jump on the mother bashing wagon and disrespectfully tear their mothers' characters apart using pop.psych terms.

Scared of posting now and going to slink off and hide for a bit

gotthemoononastick, you have no idea about anyone's background on here. None at all.

Also "perfectly nice girls." Perfectly nice girls are abused all.the.time.

You are making my eyes bleed in horror, so I'm signing off now.

Wow gotthe I really did think you were my mum for a second.

The main reason being that you are similarly unable to see anyone else's perspective and have jumped on every negative as if it is a personal attack.

Please tell me where I have said my mother is "evil" or "abusive"?

What I have said is that I find her very difficult to deal with because of her attention seeking, histrionics, disrespect and self-involvement.

She absolutely did NOT "need to know", why would she "need to know"? What exactly was she going to do with all the information? NOTHING!

There's a huge gulf between "needing" to know and "wanting" to know.

What sort of dysfunctional, co-dependent relationship shares every intimate detail of their marriage with their parents?

Just a quick note to Yellow really sorry if you've been upset by any of this, some people really can't see further than the end of their nose.

You obviously had a really horrible time, I'd hate you to think I was in any way comparing my trivial crap to anyone who has really suffered.

Gotthe you'd do well to remember that the majority of posters on this thread are mothers themselves, they also have mother's of their own. It's crassly ignorant to ignore everything everyone says just because you don't like it. Where does anyone get the gall to presume they know better than everyone else? And worse to carry on being so bigoted when you can see you are genuinely upsetting someone

well that's me told then!!!!