Mother stalking me on MN. AIBU to be fucking furious?

[MyDogShitsMoney]

That's it basically.

Back in Dec when stbXh and I separated I started a thread on here in an old NN.

It was full of details I would never dream of sharing in RL. That's why I chose an anonymous forum to off-load it all.

Turns out she knows I come on here so she had a good look around on the off-chance I'd talked about it. She found my thread and her and my father had a good read.

Apparently I have no right to be upset as it's only because they love me and because I'm "so private".

My reply was that yes I am a very private person and I'm perfectly entitled to be. As an adult I feel that should be respected. We've never been particularly close (have had a couple threads about various issues) but seriously? This is ok?

I feel so violated, it's just a complete breach of trust IMO. Worse is that they didn't say anything for 8 bloody months, looked me in the eye and acted totally innocent.

Initially I was literally shaking with anger, now I'm just sort of resigned. Fuck all I can do about it now anyway.

Yes I know that the internet is never completely safe but it just never occurred to me that she would actively look. Just a total invasion of privacy. To me it's like finding out someone keeps a diary and going to look for it.

I'm just pissed off that there is no one in the fucking world that doesn't lie to you.

So AIBU? Genuinely interested in any other perspectives because to me it's just inexcusable.

is it too late for you to go to social services, and get yourself adopted ?

Dog you sound angry out of all proportion?

No not Llamas Alpacas, subtle but important difference! It's the wool, llama's too scratchy

yanbu

but why on earth didnt you use it as an oppertunity to put the practiced "have you gone totally bonkers,do you not know how many people in the world have net access? you cant seriously belive that only one of those people may be in a simmerler suituation" look followed by actually saying it

Balls, totally should have done that. I just sat there mouth flapping like a goldfish. Damn it!

You know Dogs, it never occurred to me that anyone would 'stalk' me either. I really am as boring as fuck.

But it transpired that most of my FB friends are MNers, with a few 'RL' friends. Very occasionally MN is mentioned, re blanket threads etc, and on a few occasions, I was referred to by my MN nickname.

A really easy thread to follow.

A a part of my thinks 'what the hell', but the sad things is I have lost a valued place to share things with people who I can relate to and felt safe before.
For that reason alone I despise this person who tracked me down on here.
There were other things that added to the whole debacle.

It sounds like snooping and parents snooping on their adult children isn't on. On the other hand it's a public forum so if you don't want to be identified disguise yourself a bit. I don't discuss which internet fora I go on with relatives, only my husband and kids know I go on here.
My dad isn't that nosy thankfully, I think women can often be nosier re internet snooping than men.
I wouldn't be happy if a relative snooped on me like this and would tell them that if I wanted them to know things I would tell them.

ok so assuming she only just brought it up next time you see her just ask her
a. why she thought it was ok.
b.why she thought it was you.

then tell her that you where so shocked that she did it hence your lack of comment then inform her that you are not so up your own arse that you dont think another person in the world wont have the same issues,and you thought she was more intelligent than that

Op sure you are serious,, and really pissed off,, I know from my posts that I could easily be identified in real life and that's sort of ok but not if affects my dd.

Still it's worth it to me to get support and advice and the occasional kicking!!

Think yes you are right to feel a bit pissed off but it is a public forum so that's life...

Frankie that's exactly it.

Without wanting to continue with the melodrama theme I feel like I've lost MN. I know I can (and will) NC but I'll never feel safe here.

I hate talking about personal stuff in RL so without MN I would never have spoken about it at all. The advice and support here is invaluable. Where else could you get such a wide ranging spectrum of opinions, experience and empathy? It feels like my only source of support has been taken away from me.

Another advantage to Alpacas is that one in ten of them lays golden eggs. Unbelievable I know, but it's true.

(sorry, bad timing - should have refreshed)

Oh, that's shit. You have every right to be furious.

When I was tiny, my grandmother dragged my grandad on a 4 hour round trip to look at a new-build house my parents were thinking of buying.
How did my parents find out? The builder mentioned it in passing.

Who knows what my DGM would have got up to if she'd had technology at her fingertips!

YADNBU.

I think I'm just disappointed that the list of people who will kick you in the face just gets ever longer. Is no one ever just straight forward and honest? Why the sneaking and lying?

If you want to know something just ask. If I chose not to tell you, respect that, it's not difficult.

I don't expect to be treated any differently to how I treat others. I'm not some moaning high-maintenance martyr. I expect people to make mistakes, lord knows I make enough. I just expect honesty.

Anyway, I'm getting tired and moany now!

Wow Pip that really is bonkers!

Dammit, I thought to golden egg thing was my secret...mum is that you?

Don't bother changing small details, it doesn't work. I have stumbled upon a close relative / friend of mine 3 times and I know it's them by the way it's written as well as the obvious changes to details.

What's weirdest is they know I read MN yet they keep on posting the gory details of their life - often including stuff about me for good measure!

Ultimately the only safe way is to not write things about yourself on a public forum.

dog I think somethings are just too painful, embarassing, or whatever to be shared with family/friends. That is the joy of mn (and then being able to laugh) without your nearest and dearest knowing all about the worst moments of your life. There are some things I would never share in rl, and thats the way it should be. That does not mean I am hiding stuff from my lovelies, I'm sure they have stuff they dont want me to know....and I dont want to know. Isn't that the point of mn ?

The OP doesn't sound angry out of all proportion. Obviously this isn't an isolated incident, it is just one in a long line of bloody exasperating things her mum has got up to. I sympathise OP as my mum sounds similar to yours. Invading your privacy, making it all about her and the stress it is causing her Yep, been there, bought the t shirt. It's enough to drive you to drink!

Girls,girls,we old snoopers even use google sreetview to see if all is in order!!

Does that mean I can crack open a strawberry & lime cider the minute I get home all in the name of stress?

Oh Christ, where's my tin foil hat?!

Thank lucky stars that mother hasn't access to Internet.

Think the only way is to frequently name change.

Thing is,your child is you child at 4, 14,or 40.When they do not seem to be coping,'your rules are your rules' to try and sort it out.You will see one day.

Since the OP's mum's rules have made her feel upset and betrayed, when she has enough on her plate already, I think the OP's mum can stick her rules up her jacksy.