Mother stalking me on MN. AIBU to be fucking furious?

[MyDogShitsMoney]

That's it basically.

Back in Dec when stbXh and I separated I started a thread on here in an old NN.

It was full of details I would never dream of sharing in RL. That's why I chose an anonymous forum to off-load it all.

Turns out she knows I come on here so she had a good look around on the off-chance I'd talked about it. She found my thread and her and my father had a good read.

Apparently I have no right to be upset as it's only because they love me and because I'm "so private".

My reply was that yes I am a very private person and I'm perfectly entitled to be. As an adult I feel that should be respected. We've never been particularly close (have had a couple threads about various issues) but seriously? This is ok?

I feel so violated, it's just a complete breach of trust IMO. Worse is that they didn't say anything for 8 bloody months, looked me in the eye and acted totally innocent.

Initially I was literally shaking with anger, now I'm just sort of resigned. Fuck all I can do about it now anyway.

Yes I know that the internet is never completely safe but it just never occurred to me that she would actively look. Just a total invasion of privacy. To me it's like finding out someone keeps a diary and going to look for it.

I'm just pissed off that there is no one in the fucking world that doesn't lie to you.

So AIBU? Genuinely interested in any other perspectives because to me it's just inexcusable.

Mail !

Next time change some details. Ie I have 1 kid instead of 2, girls
Instead of boys, you / people involved are
5 years younger. Etc

I couldn't possibly say but they have bought and read the same one every day for approx 36 years and can readily produce a quote on any subject matter at a moment's notice if needs be!

:( for you.

Her actions are seriously lacking in boundaries and in respect for you as an individual. Is she this intrusive in RL? No wonder you feel the need to be private.

Good idea Kayano, definitely the way to go, just need to make myself a cheat sheet so I don't forget which bits I made up!

I suggest you start a thread detailing how you have "found" lesbianism/Scientology/weird religious cult of your choice and have decided to sell your children on the internet and move into a squat, selling drugs to fund your lifestyle whilst claiming every benefit known to man

or summat

I think it a terrible thing to do but there is no way of stopping it. I doubt if anyone that I know reads mine, but I have always played safe by changing small details similar to suggested by Kayano and then if anyone challenged I could look baffled and say 'but I don't have ............'

Ivana you're right and tbh I thought I had accepted it but every time I think I have she blindsides me with another torrent of molten crazy.

They seem to shoot out at you when you least expect it!

I'm sorry, OP, I would be gutted. YANBU.

Luckily my mum is scared of computers!

God, I'd be bloody RAGING if I were you OP. My mum is so nosy as well - picks up and reads any cards on the mantelpiece, endless questions about stupid tiny details, wants to know the price of everything - as one of my friends once said "She would stick her head up your arse to find out what you had for breakfast". Not very pleasant but very true....

I think it is a vile thing to do.

And agree with the posters who say that yes, it is a public forum, but we post often in anonymity so deliberately searching someone out, if not an actual invasion of privacy, comes pretty damn close.
I am pretty sure my neighbour and Landlord has done this and I have name changed in the hope that I can shake him off.

I wouldn't dream of doing this to him, or his family.

They might be 'unwritten rules' but it is a measure of respect IMO to show someone the courtesy of respecting their anonymity.
Personally, If I cam across someone I knew I would either avoid them, or if necessary, let them know.

I suspect my DSiL is on here, but as she hasn't told me directly, or invited me to share her NN, I don't pry.

Seems fairly basic to me.

The best bit, dubin just reminded me, is that the other day she made a point of saying she would never read a card without asking, even if it was on display

Ffs, at least you get paid for appearing on the Jeremy Vile show. Get a life.

if you post on an open site, and can be identified, you have only yourself to blame. daughter knows i'm here and knows the other boards i use. if i don't want her to know something, i don't post it.

Holy shit, I can't believe some people think this is ok. You are obviously not the products of over-involved parents.

OP, my mum would do that bullshit thing of saying she was "concerned" as well. It's just shite. If she was concerned she'd ask. And if you didn't want to tell, she'd respect that. Deliberately searching you out on a public forum is just fucking weird and creepy.

"Get a life"? Nice.

Don't think Jezza would be too interested tbh, not sure it would make a particularly scintillating episode.

"Pissed off with my mum, not a lot I can do about it but just thought I'd get a general consensus over whether anyone would feel the same" - not exactly a grabbing title, don't think the viewing figures would be too high

who yanked jilly's chains ?

That would unsettle me as well tbh. I tell my mother as little as possible because her opinions on everything are always quite strong. I find after talking to her I'm not sure what I think/want anymore. I would also confide anonymously in total strangers before I'd overshare with my mum. Some of the people who are slapping you down for being upset have done the same I'm sure.

Are you my sister? My mum is a snooper. When I broke up with then DP, she even used redial on the phone to get his sister's number so she could interrogate her about the reasons for the breakup. I never got a reason, incidentally, so her persistent demands for information made a difficult period much harder on me.

She has also been known to make phonecalls and write letters to tell the ex what she thinks of him. When it looked like dsis was going to break up with her DH, we were terrified to tell her because it was likely she would have done something that would have made the situation much worse.

And then she has the cheek to complain when we don't tell her things? In her case, it is about the love of drama but it is also an issue of control. Tell her you're pregnant? All your siblings will know before you've had time to dial their numbers.

YANBU, in fact your are being v reasonable for not throttling her.

I think that's exactly it, if you don't have a similar relationship it's really hard to describe it to you without sounding really precious and wanky.

I do take it on the chin that I left myself open to it, I just wasn't thinking clearly. My husband was unfaithful and I had a 4 month old baby, it was a gut reaction, I didn't think it through properly.

I don't regret it tbh, the support I got was just wonderful, don't know how I'd have got through without it. I think that's what makes me so sad, that I've lost that.

MN is like a kind of refuge when you're in a shitty situation, whatever happens you can just log on and someone will be there. You don't have to worry about what they think of you, you don't have to face them every day knowing they know the ins and outs of your marriage, you don't have to feel bad because you're dumping your crap on people who have problems of their own. The only people who post do so because they want to, you haven't forced it on them IYSWIM.

ps, the REASON I choose not to tell my mother things is because she very nicely and very politely tries to bulldoze over my 'reasoning' with her own reasoning. And has successfully managed to talk me out of buying a car, selling a house, leaving a job, taking a job, you name IT. I am seeing a new man now and I wouldn't tell her because she would want to meet him and then her opinion of him would be stronger in my mind than my own opinion of him.

'so if daughters hold back a bit from telling their mothers things that are going on in their life, there is usually a very good reason that the mother is totally unaware of but the daughter is very aware of. I give my mother privacy though. there are things i don't ask her. like, if we're together and her phone bleeps I don't (unlike her) instantly say "who was that!!"

Oh she did the letter writing thing, she didn't phone but she did a lovely line in texts!

I just have such a low tolerance for drama and martyrdom. I genuinely don't see the point in it and I find it really hard to watch someone make themselves the centre of everyone else's issues.

We are all guilty of over-reacting every now and then but it dies down pretty quickly surely. How could anyone be arsed to be like that constantly?

She told a friend recently that she can't listen to music anymore (H was in a band). That's the level of bonkers she comes out with to anyone who will listen, she genuinely has no idea of how crazy that sounds!