Mother takes DD to church and teaches her religion against my wishes

[Andifnotnow]

My mother looks after DD a day / couple of afternoons a week. They seem to have a happy relationship and most of the time I'm happy with that arrangement. However, sometimes during that time my mother is wont to take her to church and teaches her about God.

I am completely non religious and find it disturbing when my 4 year old starts repeating things she has been told about God, death, heaven and hell. I appreciate that people have their beliefs and I am not against that in others. However it just deeply upsets me to have my DD taught about those things an if it weren't for my mother the word and concept of "god" would not be in her vocabulary or head. She is attending a non denominational school and I would like her to make up her own mind when she is old enough to understand, and not be indoctrinated by stealth when she is so little.

Both me and DH have repeatedly asked my mother not to do that, and she pretends to go along with our wishes, until the next time.... and next. To the extent that I feel I just cannot trust her with it at all.

I am now thinking of calling her church and telling them that my DD is being brought there without my consent, am I being unreasonable? Have I got any legal right to stop that?

Otherwise I don't know what else to do, cut off contact between my mother and DD?

You can't understand much of art or literature without knowing about religions-not to mention history and current affairs.

But surely it helps to know why people may be inclined to behave like that?

Irish primary schools spend 2 and a half hours on religion per week, about four times the time spent on studying science. I think that is outrageous!

In England, community schools don't necessarily teach religion as 'fact' but 'some people believe'. Unfortunately you have no way of knowing this in advance.

It depends a lot on the Head, Lee, and how they interpret the education acts.

Well I got a level history and a degree in Eng Lit without being brought up in a religion. It is perfectly possible to gain an understanding of these things without being taught that religion is true.

In Ireland over ninety per cent of schools are Catholic, so it is taught as fact.

I appreciate your point of view and that you are very annoyed - I would be annoyed if my mother went against my wishes in this way.

However you do contradict yourself when you say you want your daughter to choose. How will she choose if she doesn't know? I had a semi religious upbringing - Sunday school, assemblies, passion plays, nativities, hymns etc - nothing too hardcore. Doesn't stop me being a non-believer now. I chose.

And no, I haven't read the whole thread, before anyone asks :)

Yeah there is definitely a difference between learning a religion from inside and outside. It reminds me of this quote:

"Study one religion, and you’ll be hooked for life. Study two religions, and you’re done in an hour".

Sorry if it's already been used on this thread.

Love that headinhands! I willbe using that in future, thanks.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid fair enough question. I expect that when she reaches the age of reason and finds sufficient motivation in herself, she will go and find out for herself by direct learning and reading.

Religion is not a prerequisite for understanding the world though. If anything it obfuscates that process!

Erm - it's a hard one,YANBU as your mother is completely disregarding you and your husband's wishes.
However, I guess I don't see the harm in Santa Claus either. It's roughly the same thing in my world :) If you aren't good, there will be dire consequences, hell+coal in your stocking etc etc.
Eventually we all grow up and realise that some of the stuff we were told/taught/absorbed by osmosis and saw on TV is utter bollox.
So in balance, provided your mum is not teaching your child to spout anti Darwinist crap or something similar that you have a fundamental issue with, I don't think it is worth cutting her off completely.

YABU, my mum does the same with my dds on a Sunday morning while I'm hungover in bed with dh The dds know that that is what Grandma believes and they know that that is not the only way because dh and I have made it clear that religious beliefs are open to conjecture (not quite in those terms though!)

My opinion is that during the time my parents are charged with looking after my dds, free of charge may I add, that so long as they aren't abusing them (they certainly aren't) then it is up to my parents to look after them as they see fit. I trust them. I also acknowledge that while they are in their care, again I stress, free of charge and doing me a favour, I do not expect them to drop everything in favour of my dcs, and if my mum wishes to go to church then I'm not in any position to stop her.

I must add that it's not every Sunday morning - just once every few weeks!