Mother takes DD to church and teaches her religion against my wishes

[Andifnotnow]

My mother looks after DD a day / couple of afternoons a week. They seem to have a happy relationship and most of the time I'm happy with that arrangement. However, sometimes during that time my mother is wont to take her to church and teaches her about God.

I am completely non religious and find it disturbing when my 4 year old starts repeating things she has been told about God, death, heaven and hell. I appreciate that people have their beliefs and I am not against that in others. However it just deeply upsets me to have my DD taught about those things an if it weren't for my mother the word and concept of "god" would not be in her vocabulary or head. She is attending a non denominational school and I would like her to make up her own mind when she is old enough to understand, and not be indoctrinated by stealth when she is so little.

Both me and DH have repeatedly asked my mother not to do that, and she pretends to go along with our wishes, until the next time.... and next. To the extent that I feel I just cannot trust her with it at all.

I am now thinking of calling her church and telling them that my DD is being brought there without my consent, am I being unreasonable? Have I got any legal right to stop that?

Otherwise I don't know what else to do, cut off contact between my mother and DD?

What I don't get is why ANY religion has to be brought into a home where there is no religion because of religious people?

Why should an atheist or agnostic or someone who isn't devout "respect" a religion, but these occurrences just further prove that "religious" people don't respect atheists, agnostics or non-devout believers.

The issue here is that the OP doesn't want her child exposed to religion. So why should she use this an ANY point to discuss religion? I wouldn't want any of that in my home, regardless on what form it takes.

It's very confusing as a child to understand how any religion works. And no amount of questioning is going to take that away. And the only people who say they had no problem with it as a child will be religious as an adult.

The adults who had an issue with how religion effects children probably chose that route as a result of how they were treated by religion as children.

I would want to find out properly about their teachings before making any judgement, unless I felt it was cult like which is very different I would have no problem and would simply encourage my child to question things and talk openly with them about my beliefs and those of others.

With regards to the vegetarianism question I am afraid I don't fully agree with parents making that decision for their child, like faith that is something very personal to the individual.

If you find it that disturbing; you'll just have to start paying for childcare, won't you? Please don't call the church and claim the child is being brought there against her will, you'll make an utter fool of yourself

Kick - I am afraid some of the views here also show a lack of respect for religion from athiests and agnostics. It certainly isn't a one way thing.

You will probably find at school that she is taught Christianity as fact, my dc are at a non-denomninational English state school. It is the law that children must be taught religion and have a daily act of worship unless their parents withdraw them. You need to find ways to manage that siituation. If you aren't happy with what your mother does when you aren't there then tell her that you won't leave your dd with her again and then just look after her yourself or ask friends to swop favours with you for childcare.

KickTheGuru many thanks. Good point. I do feel that religious people tend to have no respect for my kind of beliefs. I've thought long and hard about my stance on God issues and whilst I believe I understand what motivates people to believe (and that is complex and valid to them) and I'm not set to convert them to my point of view, although I do think it is more valid than theirs! I'm firmly in the Bertrand Russel camp (and so is my DH a Philosophy MA).

Sorry JumpingThroughHoops My mother used to be a Christian and then converted to this new sect, where she's been for the last 15 years or so.

I find all religion and practices fascinating. Doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to build a statue to Zeus or convert and be a Coptic.

On the whole, understand faiths is important. Where people aren't exposed, or faith is dissed as mumbo jumbo, you do tend to find they are the slightly more bigoted households. Well in my experience they are. But then, I don't think I know any zealots either

I liked the idea up the tread of diluting what grandmother is doing by more exposure to both ancient and more modern religions.

Well said jumping. Exposing children to a range of religions and faiths is a good thing IMO and makes people more tolerant of the beliefs of others

Tell your Mum, very very clearly, that if she insists on taking your DD to church then sadly you will no longer send DD to her for these afternoons. But you will be happy for her to spend time with your DD on the afternoons she doesn't attend church.

There is no need to argue with her about it. She knows your views and thus far has been happy to ignore them. This is not acceptable to you and she knows it.

Do not call the church - that is ridiculous. There is an easy solution for you in not putting your Mum in charge of your DD when you KNOW she will do something you don't want her to do. I don't see that the church has anything at all to do with this.

I quite like how Shinto is described as a "sect" or different "cults" such as Satanism. But "Christianity" is a "belief" or a "faith".

They are all sects and cults. They are religions and faiths.

Also remember that Satanism REQUIRES a belief in God. Much like Christianity requires a belief in Satan. No God / No Satan. Try and explain that to a child. Or an adult.

Fair enough there isn't enough "respect" from atheists (I've seen a lot of comedy shows) but we all still deserve to choose how we bring our children up. The idea that Muslim or Shinto or Christianity is "better" than atheism is laughable. The only truism here should that parents and grandparents raise children. Religion does not raise children.

What has gay marriage go to do with it?

love this place it's wildly off tangent

There is a big difference between being taught about religion in a school and having someone close to him teach it as fact. DS goes to a CofE school but learns about other religions at school, DS2 and DD go to a religious playgroup. Both DH and I are aetheists and will be talking to DS about our reasons and why we do not believe in religion when he starts to ask questions about it. All our children will be exposed to religion but also our view.

This situation is different, I don't think you can compare to the two. The GP is taking him to a place of worship and teaching about a specific religion as fact against both parents expresses wishes. I'm all for letting children make up their minds, I just don't think they have the ability at 4 to be able to do this about religion.

I don't know what to suggest other than you do not let your mother have sole responsibility for your DD and tell her why. This could change in the future, it depends on what happens.

Educate your daughter about all different religions, and tell her that people believe in many things. Some people believe in the tooth fairy, some in God, some believe there is not god, some believe in St Clause or Chaos theory, etc.
And tell her it is important to respect everybody regardless of what they believe in.

kim

Maybe I haven't been exposed to the same schools you were, but the only journeys I made into religion weren't ones I was taught. I read up about Allah, Jesus, Buddha - I went to different churches, temples and mosques and religious days with different friends. I went to passover with a Jewish friend and Ramadan with another.

Religion never taught me to be so open-minded. Atheism did.

I think it is absolutely ridiculous to not tech children about religion, even of you yourself are atheist. Religion is everywhere, be it seeing Brooke praying, discussing when a relative dies, huge world events and wars etc can have religious causes an understanding the fundamental beliefs of religions is surely good for any child growing up.

If they want to be a politician for example they will need to be aware of possible religious tensions and governments etc.

They may need told about why their friends can't eat the same things they do.

Even if you are not religious (I'm not) it is such a huge thing for so many people it is irresponsible to teach children about what other people may believe

But not all christians (or muslims, or hindis or, whatever) are against gay marriage. To say that they all condemn is wrong.

I know people who practice no religion, nor have any religious affiliation "coz it's mumbo jumbo" who think gays are completely unnatural and hold some rather extreme right wing views on a lot of things. (Working in a school I eves drop on some eye opening conversation between children) - and you are right though, this is all learned at home and parrotted out.

Therefore, I would revisit my earlier comment, that to break down bigotry, you need a wider exposure to cultures, which will include discussion of various beliefs.

If you don't like what your mum is doing when she's caring for your daughter you're just going to have to find alternative childcare.

Chances are your dd will be exposed to religion as she makes her way in the world and the best you can do is to model critical thinking alongside discussions about other mainstream religions.

I'm a church going Christian but can see why you are infuriated with DM repeatedly ignoring your wishes.

Can you insist that if she continues to broach these subjects with her she at least prefaces it with "I believe..." or "Christians believe..." rather than present it as fact?

Suspect contacting the church would not assist you. They are quite keen on people bringing their kids

Also suspect removing a loving, albeit interfering, person from your DD's life is not likely to be something she will thank you for.

If it reassures you at all, I went to a very brainwashing Chrisitian school, and still didn't buy into it for myself until later in life. I could recite all the stuff your DD can on heaven/hell/salvation etc but knowledge is not the same as belief. You DD will likely come into faith, or not, wholly of her own accord on her on timescale, regardless of these early experiences and/ or her level of knowledge about Chritianity.

Jumping, genuinely confused about this,

On the whole, understand faiths is important. Where people aren't exposed, or faith is dissed as mumbo jumbo, you do tend to find they are the slightly more bigoted households. Well in my experience they are.

Seriously, what do you mean by bigotry in this case? In our household DH has a jewish background, we have friends who do believe in God but we are aetheists. Whilst we do not often discuss faith with them, we don't belittle or disagree with them. However privately, neither of us can really understand why people believe in faith. Are we bigoted?