To take my new baby out of the house

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Baby is very new and very little (less than 5 pounds)
We have been invited to a friends house to eat. I would like us both to go and take the baby. It is a 5 min drive away and I only want to stay a little while and then get back to ours. DH thinks it is not safe to take such a small baby out the house. MIL agrees. I think if I don't get out the house and speak to people I will start climbing the bloody walls. DH's suggested compromise: I either express breast milk or buy some formula, leave baby with him and go on my own. This sounds like a huge faff and not much fun anyway.
Who's in the right here?

The health visitor. I live in the Netherlands and we have a system where someone comes to your house everyday for the first week or so to look after you and the baby. It's actually very good. They are properly trained, do all the cleaning and housework, cook dinner, and answer the door and telephone and send everyone away. They also have basic training re BF and help with the latch etc. It's just that they also have a thing about stairs and the scissor action being bad for your joints/ stitches so soon after labour. So, I wasn't allowed downstairs. DH wasn't allowed to use the upstairs loo either to limit the risk of infection.

I suppose a week of enforced bed rest wasn't so bad. The bleeding stopped really quickly and I healed well.

Should I have lied and said it was my MIL?

I'd have killed for that Baroness, wow! My DH was called away to another country for an emergency meeting the morning after I left hospital with no. 3. I would have willingly had my MIL for a week!

Interesting to hear your experience Baroness.

I used to live in Africa, and the tradition for new mums and babies (at least in the region I was in) was called 'lying in'. It involved the new mum and newborn moving back from her marital home to her mother's house to be cared for, for 30 days. They were given the best and comfiest room in the house and didn't leave that room - normally a bedroom - for the 30 days.

Well-wishers and visitors came to visit them in their room, bring gifts, etc. The new mum's mother and extended family would do every bit of housework, cooking, including care of her husband and other children, needed. Those 30 days were just for new mum and baby to bond, breastfeed and recover from the birth, within their little womb-like room.

Oh yes, and they have special porridge ceremonies around the bed where visitors all share a celebratory bowl of special porridge with the new mum, who usually stays in her pyjamas.

Although I think the 'lying in' tradition would give me cabin fever, I appreciate the reasons for this tradition, especially of not exposing the post-partum mum and newborn to any risk of disease or strenuous activity (whether it's cleaning, caring or ploughing the fields...)
I've never heard of 'lying in' taking place in Europe though.

Breastfed small for dates term baby I wouldn't have any problems taking out at all, he gets his immunity from you at this stage. If he was prem or had immune issues, I would think twice and ask the midwife.
Unless there are kids with cp or other such contagious diseases it's unlikely he will have a problem.

Mine went out of doors getting from the hospital to home and the next day went for a walk outside in his pram and that was in winter in Scotland. Fresh air is good for babies. I felt crap walking him, but trying to move a bit was good for me as well. I tried to go outside with them as often as possible.

Agree that the grannies shouldn't be involved in these discussions. If MIL is starting to stick her oar in and take on the role of 3rd parent already it's time you started seeing less of her until you have some confidence in your mothering abilities.

Lots of cultures have some kind of provision for new mothers and babies have a period of 'protected time' during which there is a degree of protection from normal duties awarded to them and a seperation from the household.
Usually 4 to 6 weeks which is just perfect for recovery from all but the most traumatic births and to get BFing off to a good start .

INteresting, Baroness, sounds very much like what post-natal doulas do in this country.

I took DS to the hotel my parents were staying at on day 4 and we all sat outside (September and warm). I showed him off to all the staff proudly. I also took him to the pub that night where he slept the entire time (it was after the non smoking ban came into effect and it was a naice pub in a very good area ). Fresh air will do him good.

With my 1st I took her to my mums for tea at 3 days.

Ds1 went to my sisters for new years eve at 4 days old and ds2 was 5 days when we took him to the local soft play place.

I agree with 'they are stronger than they look'.

My dd had been on the train to London (45 minutes each way) twice by the time she was five days old. She had also been to get passport photos done in an outside shopping complex, been to tesco's, a restaurant and the park. She was three weeks when she flew internationally for the first time. She is fine.

I also suggest you take your baby out and have fun! ( and do not give formula unless you want to! )

I had DC2 at 2pm in hospital and was munching on pizza while breastfeeding him at my mums 5 hours later. My sis, BIL and best friend came round, too. Was a brilliant little party, even though DS naturally slept through most of it! During the first two weeks of his life, i.e. DHs pat leave, we went out and about all over the place, partly to do fun things with DD, who was nearly 3 at the time.

Congrats on your newborn! I'm sure your DH will soon realise how sturdy little babies can be and how wonderful it is to get out and about and show off your baby!

I got DH to call the midwife himself this morning and she said fine (as you all predicted). We have just got back from the park and will be going out to dinner tonight! :)

Enjoy the dinner :)

Thanks :)

Yippee, result! Hope it all goes well, you have a lovely dinner with a settled sleepy baby and your DH gets a confidence boost too.

Well done - start as you mean to go on! My DT's were 8 weeks prem, and although not miniscule (well 4lb & 3lb) my wonderful midwife and health visitor were all for outings as soon as I felt up to it (they were in special care for 3 weeks) but once they were out I was told to do as much or as little as I felt able. We didn't go out a huge amount to start with, but although every outing was a marathon to start with, once I got a routine, it saved my sanity to be able to get out of the house!

YANBU - MIL was like this when DS was born. For what seemed like the first three months if I mentioned we were going anywhere she would say "Out? Out?! What do you mean out?!?"

I find the idea of any sort of general 'compulsary' period before you leave the house pretty hideous tbh. Obviously I don't mean in cases where there are specific medical reasons (for either mother or baby), or if you just don't feel like it that's fine too. MIL however used to go on about in how in her day you had to wait to be "churched" (whatever that is) and I think that applied across the board irrespective of what individual women actually wanted.

Also, I can see the benefits of the system in the Netherlands for those who want/need it but I would have resented being told what I should be doing. I realise I was fortunate (easy birth, no stiches) but would like to think I could have been trusted to use my own judgment if I had needed to take it easier.

Rant over! Hope you have a good time op

Sounds like dh might have an anxiety disorder. They're not just for women and men can get them after having kids. Really respond to treatment and you'll all be happier for it.

One thing though, re 'Validating' it, if he does have irrational fears it's not just being silly or petulant and professional guidance helps. My psychiatrist told my dh just to be empathetic and not tell me to snap out of it etc.

I'm Dutch, and barring medical complications I would have made my wishes very clear. Mind you, I'm glad I had my DDs in the UK because the Dutch attitude to pain relief in labour is still not what it bloody well ought to be!

MILs will always agree with their sons whether they think you're right or not.

So not true ! My MIL always sides with me

And we took DD out for a walk along the seafront and a cuppa in a tea shop when she was about 27 hours old

epeesarepointythings I agree with you there! I insisted on giving birth in the hospital whether the insurance covered it or not. Fortunately it did, and I had to be induced anyway.

ISpyJumpHigh I think you can tell them to bog off if you want and they do. A friend of mine certainly did. I just didn't know any better and was so relieved to have someone looking after DH and me. Having since discovered MN I might have disagreed with some of their ideas but maybe that's another thread.

OP Congratulations and I'm glad you got out.

This has been really interesting to me. My family would firmly believe a baby shouldn't really be out and about in the first six weeks. They would "allow" for necessary trips e.g. from the hospital, to the baby clinic and probably things like school runs and supermarket trips that couldn't be dealt with in another way but would view going to a cafe/restaurant/"visiting" friends and relatives as "irresponsible". I never realised people were so fine with it til MN, I assumed when you were out with a wee baby everyone was wondering why as my experience of ever having seen them when young was my mum/grandmother etc tutting or saying "oh she must be going to the doctor" as though anything else would be inconceivable!

Think I took my dd out at 4 days old (the day after coming home from hospital) cant remember with middle child but last one we took out the day we got home, it was my daughters 1st sports day that very afternoon!!! 3rd child and all that!!

DH and I took DD1 out within 12 hours of birth and DD2 about the same.

I vividly remember going to the supermarket alone with DD1 as I wanted to prove to myself that having a small baby would not stop me doing "usual" stuff. I think she was 2 days old and slept the whole time.