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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my new baby out of the house

150 replies

dashoflime · 30/07/2012 21:04

Baby is very new and very little (less than 5 pounds)
We have been invited to a friends house to eat. I would like us both to go and take the baby. It is a 5 min drive away and I only want to stay a little while and then get back to ours. DH thinks it is not safe to take such a small baby out the house. MIL agrees. I think if I don't get out the house and speak to people I will start climbing the bloody walls. DH's suggested compromise: I either express breast milk or buy some formula, leave baby with him and go on my own. This sounds like a huge faff and not much fun anyway.
Who's in the right here?

OP posts:
5madthings · 30/07/2012 21:35

oh go, baby will be fine!

i can see why your mil and dh are nervous but honestly baby will be fine and best place for baby is with you, snuggled up and with access to boobs as you are feeding, expressing or using formula nad a bottles is just a faff and probalby not a good idea at this stage if you are wanting to bfeed.

all mine went out within the first few days, esp subsequent ones asi had school runs, (dp came with me) its lovely to be able to show your new baby off! if you dont want everyone holding him? then take a sling with you and keep baby cosy in that :)

FamiliesShareGerms · 30/07/2012 21:36

Yes, get out of the house! Go show off your baby!

DS was prem and similar weight, and I would also have gone mad without getting out and about. He was a winter baby so I just had to layer him up in lots of blankets etc, but otherwise fine. Including a funeral at 10 days old.

Congrats by the way!

Original poster
dashoflime · 30/07/2012 21:38

Right then, Mums Net has spoken. I will put my foot down on this one and definately go, taking baby with me.
DH is not happy and has just stormed out after saying something about putting an evenings entertainment above the life of our son!!
Phoning the midwife is a good suggestion. I will do that in the morning. Them or the SCBU. I reckon if they think he's alright to leave the hospital then he must be alright to go out.

OP posts:
epeesarepointythings · 30/07/2012 21:38

Just go - your baby is not premature or immunocompromised, it will be fine. Just BF as he needs.

I took both of mine out almost immediately. DD1 went on day 2, in her sling. We needed to get some food shopping in from the local US base (DH is American) and he doesn't drive - I do. It was fine - even when the two F16s screamed by just overhead DD didn't so much as twitch in her sleep.

DD2 also went out on day 2, just to the shops in her sling, and then again on day 4 - her first social engagement was the funeral of a friend of mine's elderly mother. It was very life-affirming and actually made a lot of people feel better, oddly enough.

Your baby will come to no harm, because he will be with you.

epeesarepointythings · 30/07/2012 21:40

Just read your decision - I sincerely hope that your DH's reaction is just new father nerves, he is being an idiot! I hope he is a well-meaning one at least.

Handsfullandrunningforgold · 30/07/2012 21:40

Congratualtions Smile glad you decided to go out. My DT's were 4lb 6 and 4lb7 when we got them home from hospital and we went out pretty much straight away. They were fine. Have a good time.

thebody · 30/07/2012 21:42

Oh god love your dh!!! Trying to remember the mental Pfb stage, oldest ds 23!!

Now take your dh by the hand and say ' darling both me and baby are going out if this house, you come by all means or stay with your slightly mad mother.

Op note to self tell mil your baby your rules and butt out!!!

Go, enjoy bf , feed buba when needs.

We went to Cyprus with 4 kids, 12,11,2 and 7 weeks... Fantastic as small babies portable, esp BF babies.

Congrats by the way.

Aboutlastnight · 30/07/2012 21:42

Go! Of you had other children you would be in the park with a newborn etc

Put your foot down now and make it clear that baby will be fine and needs to be with you to allow feeding on demand.

Krumbum · 30/07/2012 21:43

Go! What would be unsafe about. This is a very old fashioned view that makes no sense.

MacMac123 · 30/07/2012 21:44

Just go, with the baby. Ignore DH. He sounds a bit bossy with his 'compromise'! You know what you can cope with doing and (as long as you're not a crazed lunatic) he should respect your thoughts and support you!

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2012 21:44

Not safe Grin. Is it your pfb?

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/07/2012 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 30/07/2012 21:45

Just caught up, Mmmn is your dh normally a bit of an arse or is this new baby stress???

Definatly get midwife to have a word, send mil home to butt out and take control....

Tell dh baby will soon be tantruming on own account so he doesn't need to.

topknob · 30/07/2012 21:46

I should add my ds was 8 weeks early as well.

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2012 21:46

How did you get him home from hospital, by the way? I'm assuming your house isn't actually connected to the hospital by subterranean tunnels?

If not, he's already been out and survived.

Sidge · 30/07/2012 21:47

I'd go.

It's a friend's house for a meal, not a child's chicken pox party!

But then I took my oxygen-dependent, tube fed, prem baby out a fair bit once we got home from hospital. I obviously avoided large gatherings, poorly people and kids, going out if it was very cold, wet or windy but if I had to stay in any longer I'd have gone stark raving bonkers.

Original poster
dashoflime · 30/07/2012 21:47

Yes well meaning but neurotic and scared. He will probably calm down and listen to sense in a bit.
I have seen this sort of thing from him before. Once, before I gave up smoking, he calculated the likely number of cigarettes I'd smoked over the period of my entire life and the consequent risk of various terrible deaths happening to me and got so anxious about it he didn't sleep for three days and was literally vomiting with stress and had to be put on Citalopram for 2 weeks.
I hope to god he's not going there again. Best not to validate it too much if he is though.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 30/07/2012 21:51

I would bet his mother feeds his anxieties if he is that extreme... how does your FIL deal with his wife and son?

NonnoMum · 30/07/2012 21:53

If it might help, suggest that your friends come round to you (with the dinner they have cooked!)
Sounds like you all need a break.
Stay in regular contact with your MW/HV because those first few weeks can be crazy.
My (normally v v lovely) DH and I would argue over anything. Try to keep calm and gentle with each other...

Original poster
dashoflime · 30/07/2012 21:55

Agree: squeeky toy. She was quite over protective of him as a child and I don't think it's done him any favours at all. Think I do have to put my foot down firmly on this one, before he slips into the same pattern with his own kids

OP posts:
TribbleTuckandDismount · 30/07/2012 21:57

WTAFrig does he imagine is going to happen? Hmm The human race has survived for millions of years, and I suspect a lot of them have ventured outside their own houses and socialised with people.

Silly man! Your LO will be fine, go enjoy yourself. Before you know it you'll have a energetic toddler whose favourite habit will be licking the floor and eating things out of plant pots .

PacificDogwood · 30/07/2012 21:57

Aw, your poor DH.

I think new babies can sometimes be more scary to their fathers who have not 'known' them for as long as their mums IYKWIM.
My DH is much more protective of our boys than I am in some respects and was much, much more freaked-out by DS2's tinyness.

Agree with be gentle with each other and keep talking (NOT one of my DH's strong points...).

Honestly, tiny baby and a stretchy wrap such as Mobi are a perfect combo for going out.

TandB · 30/07/2012 21:57

Go. And tell your DH that at least you aren't as bad as the crazy woman on MN who gave birth on the Friday and took baby to soft play session on the Sunday.

Disclaimer: he has an older brother - I didn't just take him to see if fancied a dip in the ballpool. And he stayed in the sling the whole time.

Chubfuddler · 30/07/2012 21:57

Bloody hell your Dh sounds like he needs therapy. I'm not being bitchy. I mean that genuinely.

CaliforniaLeaving · 30/07/2012 22:00

Go. I've had to take a two day old to a childrens baseball opening day and parade at 8am. Baby was fine I was shattered. She slept the whole time.
At 5 days (post c-section) I went to SIL's house for dinner, also 5 mins away back then, no harm all round. Same baby went to a baby shower at 4 weeks he was just over 5lbs.
I had to also do the School run when the babies were brand new. 5 minute drive there and 5 minutes back.