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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my new baby out of the house

150 replies

dashoflime · 30/07/2012 21:04

Baby is very new and very little (less than 5 pounds)
We have been invited to a friends house to eat. I would like us both to go and take the baby. It is a 5 min drive away and I only want to stay a little while and then get back to ours. DH thinks it is not safe to take such a small baby out the house. MIL agrees. I think if I don't get out the house and speak to people I will start climbing the bloody walls. DH's suggested compromise: I either express breast milk or buy some formula, leave baby with him and go on my own. This sounds like a huge faff and not much fun anyway.
Who's in the right here?

OP posts:
SageYourOracle · 30/07/2012 23:19

Congratulations on your wee bundle of joy!

My DD was 5 weeks prem due to pre-e & crappy placenta and only weighed 3lbs 3ozs when she was discharged after 28 days in SCBU. We took her out the next day. Best thing for it, I think. Totally agree with PP that you should go and enjoy showing off your lovely wee new baby!

DH does sound like he's anxious. It may be that the worry of the past few weeks/days has hit him and it is overwhelming when your first baby comes home, especially if there have been complications. I was diagnosed with mild PTSD when DD was about 16 weeks but the hospital had a counsellor designated for parents of babies in NICU/SCBU/TC even after discharge whilst the community nurses were still coming out to weigh the babies etc so it may be worth checking this out. I don't know of DH would be open to this or feel it necessary.

Agree re MIL- smile serenely and ignore. You're the mummy now!

Enjoy!

SageYourOracle · 30/07/2012 23:22

X post. Am 99.9% sure that the man from Midwife, she/he say yes!!!

NonnoMum · 30/07/2012 23:30

Don't underestimate the stress of the first few days.

And huge congrats on your beautiful baby...

Kayano · 30/07/2012 23:38

I went to ASDA with a 3 day old

ASDA

And it was one of the best experiences of my life Grin lol

UnrequitedSkink · 30/07/2012 23:43

I beat that, I went to Dunelm Mill and bought a clothes Airer with 2 day old DS and it was marvellous. We even bought some brita water filters. Grin

motherofallhangovers · 30/07/2012 23:48

We went home when DS was one day old. We then went out to my parents' house (about 5 mins by car) the very same day as it was Christmas Day.

It was lovely, really special :)

carrielou2007 · 30/07/2012 23:49

Congratukations on your wee one!! I would rather go for five mind with a new baby than leave the baby at home!

I had to go out the day after my ds was born as had to get dd to preschool and I am z single parent do no one else to help. I also took him to a (vile) soft play centre when he was 3 days old as it was my nephew's birthday. Bit diff prob to your MIL's day when new mum's stayed in a hospital bed for two weeks. You and your husband decide what is best for you and your family and even though we all seem to agree on taking your baby with you, if you dib't wSn't to then don't, you've got plenty of time to do this when you feel ready, thete's no need to rush anything Smile

BaronessBomburst · 30/07/2012 23:59

Jealous of all you who got out after your DCs were born - I wasn't even allowed downstairs for a week! I went loopy being cooped up in the bedroom with nothing to do.

FlamingoBingo · 31/07/2012 06:47

Would just add that if you do go, don't be tempted to hand baby round. Keep baby close to you the whole time. Is very stressful for young babies being out of the womb, and you need to help that transition by being nearly his only 'home' for quite a while yet. Babies grow best when they don't waste energy crying or stressed, and being held by a succession of people whose smell he doesn't recognise may not be the best idea.

Showmethemhappyfeet · 31/07/2012 06:54

I went out for an hour walk the day we got home from hospital (3 days old) DD was safe in her pram. I HAD to get out the house! Just go he'll be fine!

wishiwasonholiday · 31/07/2012 06:55

My ds was 4lb 14 at birth and we went out as soon as we got back and he was poorly (got cold quick and needed keeping warm) but we wrapped him up well and went, dp was back at work and I needed shopping and a change of scenery, just go. Yanbu.

Beamae · 31/07/2012 07:01

Mine were born at 34 weeks. One came home after 5 days and the other after 2 weeks. We took both out straight away... In fact the midwife laughed when I asked if we were "allowed" to. She said they belong to you, do whatever you want! Being premie they did get a lot of peaceful indoor time but we certainly didn't confine ourselves.

Whirliwig72 · 31/07/2012 07:19

My DH would be like this too and in the law of Sod if I went out at this stage the baby would come down with something next day (that had been caught from hospital not evening out) resulting in misplaced justification on DH's side (sigh).

The only concerns I'd have is make sure no one at the dinner party has any type of cold / bug brewing (be prepared to leave if they do). And get everyone to wash their hands before they handle the baby. I've heard that strong perfume is not great for young babies either - so maybe warn your friends not to wear any. The fact is young babies have a natural immunity to your home and the germs in it through you but will be slightly more vulnerable at other places especially if there are young children around but these risks are negated if sensible precautions are taken. Have a great evening!

ipswichwitch · 31/07/2012 07:22

DS was 4lb 5 and 6 weeks early. Scbu said to minimise going out and about til we reached his due date (minimise mind, not stay indoors at all costs) then carry on as normal. Since your baby was term and if there's no health issues I imagine the MW telling you to go out.
Fwiw DP is the anxious sort, he went all pfb telling me I couldn't take DS on the bus because of all the germs Hmm. I told him don't be daft, there's more germs to be found in a drs waiting room, then just went out and did my thing. Told him about it after and he could see no harm had come to him and he's more relaxed about it now

Badvoc · 31/07/2012 07:28

Op my ds1 was 4 lbs 15 oz at term.
I took him out.
What's the alternative?
I needed fresh air and to get out of the house.
What on earth do yr dh and mil think will happen and why exactly does you mil get a say?
Your baby your decsion!

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 31/07/2012 07:33

Congratulations on your bundle!

My exMIL and exh were very much like this DS was full term but small, it took my parents arriving (we were overseas) after a week to meet him and whisk us out to lunch to sort it, they just breezed in and said right shall we go to the beach for lunch then? They didn't allow any space for objections...and exh and MIL would have just looked rude to insist otherwise.

Go, get your confidence up. DS is now a strapping great 6 year old with the constitution of an ox!

Enjoy your babymoon ,

BallerinaBetty · 31/07/2012 08:00

I'm guessing this is your first? What does he think will happen when this one is at school/pre-school/toddler group etc and you have another one??? My dd had to go out after a few days to do the school run. Most of my friends have had to do similar (I had lovely cuddles with my 3 day old godson at stay and play whilst his mum was able to play with her older 2 for a bit). My eldest ds went on a trip to Mothercare at 2 days old to change the small baby outfit I'd bought for him to wear home from the hospital because he wasnt a small baby!!

Getting you all some fresh air and interaction with others will do you all the world of good.

Congratulations to you and your dh on the birth of your lovely wonderful baby - now get on out there and share the love!

Whatdoiknowanyway · 31/07/2012 08:11

I'm working at an Olympic venue. A very busy, noisy one. There was a week old baby in the spectator seats earlier in the week. Seemed fine.

EasilyBored · 31/07/2012 08:16

Took 3 day old DAY on a trip to costa coffee, on the grounds that I was going to lose my fucking mind if I didn't get out of the house. He was fine. I was not - totally under estimated how anaemic I was after blood loss, and nearly passed out on the way home. Still, was good to get out.

Go, midwife will say yes. You want to nip this worry wartism in the bud, just imagine what he'll be like when baby getshgetshis first cold!

EasilyBored · 31/07/2012 08:17

DS, not DAY.

camdancer · 31/07/2012 08:31

Is there any way you could call the midwife before you call her with DH? Just to make sure you are both on the same page? I'm not saying you shouldn't go out, but if your DH asks in the right way (e.g. Can my very tiny, new baby who isn't feeding very well and seems not to be able to regulate her temperature ok, go out in the boiling hot sun with my wife who isn't healing very well after a very traumatic c-section?) she might be bamboozled into saying no, thinking that is what you want to hear and would make you happier.

FWIW, I think it is really important you and the baby get out the house every single day. Even if it is just to walk around the block or go to the local shop. Being stuck in the house is the road to insanity. And you definitely need to talk to your DH about his worrying because it sounds like something you are going to have to fight against for the whole of your DC's life.

AKMD · 31/07/2012 08:35

Aww OP, you DH sounds slightly mad but very sweet. I imagine that the past couple of weeks have been terrifying for him, especially if he's prone to over-anxiety and looking at worst-case scenarios.

DS was also small due to pre-eclampsia. We were discharged after four days, DH dropped me at home to sleep and took DS to ASDA :o

Unless your friend is a crack-smoking slattern with slobbery dogs YANBU, take him out!

motherofallhangovers · 31/07/2012 08:38

BaronessBomburst who didn't allow you out of your room?

HalleLouja · 31/07/2012 08:39

My DH has anxiety issues. I would maybe get him some counselling as it drives me insane. His is more directed to his own health than the DCs though.

Floggingmolly · 31/07/2012 11:41

WHO CONFINED YOU TO YOUR ROOM, Baroness????

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