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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my new baby out of the house

150 replies

dashoflime · 30/07/2012 21:04

Baby is very new and very little (less than 5 pounds)
We have been invited to a friends house to eat. I would like us both to go and take the baby. It is a 5 min drive away and I only want to stay a little while and then get back to ours. DH thinks it is not safe to take such a small baby out the house. MIL agrees. I think if I don't get out the house and speak to people I will start climbing the bloody walls. DH's suggested compromise: I either express breast milk or buy some formula, leave baby with him and go on my own. This sounds like a huge faff and not much fun anyway.
Who's in the right here?

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 30/07/2012 22:01

I brought ds home at 4 and a half pounds and was told to treat him like I would a 'normal' baby.

wildkat · 30/07/2012 22:04

I'd be worried about exacerbating DH's anxiety, but have you talked about his option being far more problematic - bottles and expressing when baby isn't used to it and so young and small... You climbing up the walls and being imprisoned indoors is not good for your baby either!

Pudgy2011 · 30/07/2012 22:07

DH and I took DS to Happy Hour when he was 4 days old. He didn't care and we loved showing him off to our friends. Enjoy, everyone loves a weeny baby. And congratulations!

MedalsTrumpDiamonds · 30/07/2012 22:08

Can men get post-natal depression? Your DH sounds almost as anxious as I was with DD1 and I had a pretty textbook case of PND, finally diagnosed when DD1 was 12 or 16 weeks or something.

Enjoy yourself OP and save your own sanity at the same time

epeesarepointythings · 30/07/2012 22:12

I agree with the poster who mentioned that newborns can be scary - my DH never had this problem, but my father did - he held my DD1 very gingerly and voiced his concerns that 'the head would fall off'. OK, so DD1 did have a very big head (which she's grown into) but still...

Based on what you've said re anxiety reactions from your DH though, OP, I'd work on nipping this very kindly in the bud.

Flojo1979 · 30/07/2012 22:13

10 days old and u feel cooped up already? Oh dear! That doesn't sound good.

NellyBluth · 30/07/2012 22:17

Flo, why is that so bad? I felt cooped up by then. Not everyone takes naturally to being in the house all day without seeing other people, no matter how wonderful their baby is...

NeverKnowinglyAbleToFlickFlack · 30/07/2012 22:18

dh was like this with ds1.. but by the time we had ds2 we very nearly went to Sainsburys a couple of hours after he was born (with the baby) the only thing that stopped us was the faff of people's opinion of whether we should be there or not.
So I baked a cake and invited the neighbours in instead.

be gentle with him (your DH) he has just had a scarey experience, your body has hormones built in to help you cope with this, he doesn't.
FWIW I think you should Definately go!!

ChuckDick · 30/07/2012 22:20

MILs will always agree with their sons whether they think you're right or not.

YoulllWinGoldOneDay · 30/07/2012 22:22

As others have said, far better to go and take a (healthy) baby with you than leave him with someone else.

p.s. Do NOT set the precedent that your MIL gets to make decisions about your child rearing!

Eskarina · 30/07/2012 22:25

I know this has moved on a little, but on the original thought of leaving baby at home with ebm/formula, surely that would be worse in that it could jeopardise breast feeding in a baby so young (if you're not already mix feeding) so baby should stay with mum (for this and so many other reasons too)

motherofallhangovers · 30/07/2012 22:25

You are your baby's house when they're so young!

Your baby wants and needs to be with you. S/he doesn't care which house / car you are both in at the time.

Pancakeflipper · 30/07/2012 22:25

Go and take baby. Unless there's any medical reason to not.

Get the pram and walk there. Fresh air will do you both good.

I took mine out the day after. I need fresh air.

motherofallhangovers · 30/07/2012 22:26

cross post Eskarina :)

fairyfriend · 30/07/2012 22:30

Flo, I had the opposite reaction to you! I was thinking, ' ten days and they haven't ventured out?'

OP, your baby will be absolutely fine. Your DH's reaction is a little concerning though. Not just the anxiety (which is always heightened at this time) but his animosity towards you. I hope it really is just new baby nerves.

MammaTJ · 30/07/2012 22:35

Really, they think the baby is more fragile than you do. This is rare occurance, normally new mum is like that!! Take baby with you!! Or actually ignore this invite and take DC to where you are welcome for you!!

Lucyellensmum99 · 30/07/2012 22:40

I think there are alarm bells ringing here OP, you say your DH has suffered from anxiety before, especially related to someone he loves (you). I wouldn't take my DD out for two weeks, she was two weeks late and weight nine and a half pounds . I woudlnt see anyone either - i went on to get very severe pnd and now suffer from anxiety. I see that your DH is being UR but i know i would be exactly the same as him. The over dramatising (his mother is NOT helping!).

I think it will help him if a midwife explains that it will be good to get baby out and about, really needs some fresh air :) Obviously these friends wont be smoking around baby? don't have any bugs. I would just find ways to reassure humour your DH really. I do think you have to be quite firm otherwise it will allow him to slip into a process of anxiety but i would definaely suggest he talks to someone (not his mother!!)

fivegomadindorset · 30/07/2012 22:42

Go, when I had DS, I was so hungry when I came out of hospital that we stopped off in the pub on the way home fro something to eat (disclaimer, it was in june and we sat outside)

WilsonFrickett · 30/07/2012 22:42

I think if your DH has anxieties then it's not as simple as us all sitting here saying 'go'. Could you use the examples some others have given - especially regarding second/third babies having to leave the house for school runs, etc.

And def agree re: getting the midwife on side. Ours ordered us out on day 3 home from the hospital, because she could see that isolation for me would be a potential risk factor for PND.

yousankmybattleship · 30/07/2012 22:45

Go out! My twins were 4lb when they came home and I was out with them every day. I would have got properly mental if I hadn't. Your baby was probably exposed to far more bugs in hospital than at a friend's house. You all need to get back out into the real world. Your DH sounds endearingly protective but ever so slighly deranged.

Newtothisstuff · 30/07/2012 22:51

Does your DH think your taking the baby clubbing ??
It's not a puppy tell him you are allowed out before your babies first injections
My DD2 was on DD1's school run at a few days old and 200 miles to the inlaws at a week old !! She's perfectly healthy (she was tiny too) she just slept the whole time !!

SirBoobAlot · 30/07/2012 22:58

If you're ten days post CS then he'll be driving you to your friends, I presume? Maybe this might reassure him a little bit.

Go and enjoy yourself if you're feeling up to it, babies that age are so much easier to entertain than toddlers!!

Congratulations. x

HKat · 30/07/2012 23:05

Go! Unless, as others have said, HV has specifically said not to...I had to take my DS to a post-natal clinic at the hospital on day 5, and whilst it was a little nerve wracking (PFB) it was the best thing that could have happened as we were then confident enough to take her out again. We took her to a restaurant with my parents on day 7 - though as she just slept I don't think she appreciated the ambience :)

fhdl34 · 30/07/2012 23:07

He's not being very rational if he thinks that giving the baby formula just to keep it at home would be better than being with you and being breastfed as he'll get all the antibodies he needs from your milk whereas he gets no protection at all from formula, if that is what he's concerned with of course.

Original poster

dashoflime · 30/07/2012 23:09

Ok, have spoken with (now much calmer) DH and issue goes to the midwife for arbitration tomorrow . We have both agreed to go with medical opinion. Just hope she comes out on my side!
Hopefully should reassure him. Thanks for all the responses.

OP posts:

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