I would like my 3 year old grand-daughter to stay with me for one night, but my daughter in law says NO, AIBU?

[redyam]

I bit of background, this is not me, but I will write as though it is, for a friend.

I sea my grand-daughter every few weeks, we live about 100 miles away from each other. We either go down to my sons house or they come up to stay for the weekend.

We all get on really well, my grand-daughter is delightful, and behaves as good as gold whenever we spend time with her or go out for trips.

I would like to take my 3 year old grand-daughter on an overnight outing nearby. We will take her out for the evening (not late) without the parents, spend the night with her, then bring her back to her parents the next day.

I think it will do her the world of good, give me some quality time with her, and give her parents a night off to do what they want. I'm sure my GD would love it.

However my daughter-in-law says NO! No reason given, to flat out refusal. I'm a little hurt really, as though I can't be trusted with my grand-daughter.

Am I being unreasonable to want to do this, or to feel hurt?

goodness! do you post here a lot?

I do as it goes but what does that have to do with seeing your name on the front page and clicking on the thread Lovebunny?

BabyBoomer you sound fab. Just the kind of MIL I'd like to be.

No Wo

YANBU to offer, she is NBU to decline (possibly a bit rude but you are getting this second hand remember).

I babysat my nephew (age 2 1/2 so admittedly a bit younger) for 2 or 3 hours recently. He had DS (same age) to play with, and we had play time then bath time then ready for bed (wasn't going to put him to bed). He is totally confident, nursery almost full time, not particularly clingy but had never been apart from his parents in the evening before. OH MY GOD, it was a nightmare, he was crying for his mummy on and off and just couldn't be comforted, I felt awful. He's nearly 3 now and I doubt it would be any different. Bedtime is not the same as spending time in the day.

YANBU but it's her choice. Personally I think she's mad but then I don't mind having the occasional night off plus you would get to forge a better bond with your grand daughter. You do sound lovely btw; soem grandparents never offer.

Ineed I think the fact that she said it would do her grandchild "the world of good" to stop with her, does imply that she thinks there's a problem and suggests that there might be more to this than meets the eye.

I think it would do one of DH's nephews "the world of good" to spend a bit more time with us. That's a whole other story, but believe me, it's not making a positive comment about their parenting!

8Cabrinha8 You have just said you do get time off so that is not martyring yourself in that aspect, so that point is not towards you or what decisions you make.
My point that some mothers never give themselves a night off and go on like there mother of the year and wear themselves out silly and forget who they are, part from a mother is a observation I have noticed whenever these type of threads come up. And it is martyrdom because its making everything abit harder for themselves when if you have perfectly good PIL theres no need for it and kids do benefit from other people and different experiences.

I'd guess DIL is being rather considerate by not giving her reasons. My dc's sleep over at some people's house but I wouldn't want them to stay at PIL's. We get on ok, but for several reasons I wouldn't feel comfortable with my dc's staying over until they were older. I wouldn't tell PIL's these reasons as I'd rather live harmoniously and not cause offence...however, if pressed on the issue I'd have to tell them why as there's no way I'd put my dc's at risk, children aren't toys to be passed around to whoever wants them. I'd suggest your friend just let's it lie and suggests again in a years time.

Just a quick thought - maybe the "world of good" comment is meant in the sense of widening the DD's experience a bit.
Maybe the Gran feels the little girl would enjoy a treat (for some reason unknown to us)

... or maybe not.

What I'm trying to say is that there may be some background story that has had an impact on the family and the DD would enjoy a treat - but the OP doesn't want to divulge for fear of identifying herself?
After all we don't now what the "outing" involves.

And then again, maybe I'm waaay overthinking this

FolkGirl I took "a world of good" meaning the gd gets a treat and goes out for the evening and has a lovely time. I wouldnt of read more into the world of good comment then that. If my mum said right inneedoffbrandy going to treat the kids tonight take them out blabla it will do them the world of good, I would say yeah mum they need a treat and a break from routine. Maybe im just naive.

Each to their own but my DS has stayed over at my mum's on a regular basis since he was a few months old.

He loves it. If we left it til he was way over 3, wouldn't it just be harder? I remember kids at school camp crying because they'd never been away from home when we were 12.

Fair enough, keep them at home if its what you prefer. They're your kids after all. But I dunno... I must admit I find it odd, assuming loving and capable gps are on hand.

That's what I meant Inneedofbrandy!

Salmotrutta x post you articulated what I meant better then me.www.mumsnet.com/emo/te/2.gif

MorrisZapp I remember those type of kids as well.

Great minds and all that ...

Salmotrutta yup

My cousin had to come and stay with us when his brother was born. He was about 3 at the time (his Dad was away with work).

And it was for about 10 days (back in 1960)- his Mum had no choice so it was a good thing he was used to staying at our Gran's sometimes.

quietlysuggests
I am pretty sure that the GM of the OP does not like her DIL and I think the DIL knows it.
That is why the GM "offered" to take her away for the night
and that is why the mother refused.

Yeah this really points out DIL hatred

Salmotrutta Or maybe everyone who farms there kids out are bad parents and they should still be in a sling or tied to your back till there 12. Thats the correct MN way!

Yes your friend is being totally U. This is not their child. The mum doest need to offer any explanation. She asked, mum said no, don't keep
Pushing it. What is it with bloody grandparents sometimes and their sense of entitlement?!

Oh, and me and DH once went off on a short trip down to England and left DD (3) AND DS (18 months) with my folks for 4 days.

They were fine and everyone had a whale of a time.

*goodness! do you post here a lot?

I do as it goes but what does that have to do with seeing your name on the front page and clicking on the thread Lovebunny?*

just hadn't noticed your name before...

and one of these days i'll get the bold/italics whatever it is i want to actually work. ah well. you can show me how. wall of liberty? was that it? something like that.