I would like my 3 year old grand-daughter to stay with me for one night, but my daughter in law says NO, AIBU?

[redyam]

I bit of background, this is not me, but I will write as though it is, for a friend.

I sea my grand-daughter every few weeks, we live about 100 miles away from each other. We either go down to my sons house or they come up to stay for the weekend.

We all get on really well, my grand-daughter is delightful, and behaves as good as gold whenever we spend time with her or go out for trips.

I would like to take my 3 year old grand-daughter on an overnight outing nearby. We will take her out for the evening (not late) without the parents, spend the night with her, then bring her back to her parents the next day.

I think it will do her the world of good, give me some quality time with her, and give her parents a night off to do what they want. I'm sure my GD would love it.

However my daughter-in-law says NO! No reason given, to flat out refusal. I'm a little hurt really, as though I can't be trusted with my grand-daughter.

Am I being unreasonable to want to do this, or to feel hurt?

My mum (55) is very willing to admit when dd1 has tired her out (after about 2 hours as she is speedy gonsalez on amephatmines). She also can't believe that she once had two under three/night feed etc.

MIL (57 and metal hip) will not admit ever to anything tiring her out or hurting her although we know from FIL that for days after seeing dd1 and playing with her she struggles to even move. So leaving dd1 with her for an extended period of time would obviously be very difficult for her but she would never admit that to me.

"Slowing down at 50-60? Did someone actually say that? Fuck me."

yeah, "fuck me" that's how we felt when our parents started slowing down at that age, , we of course hoped that they would stay young and fit forever, but they didn't. I'm of those whose parents are healthy and fit and capable really I am - I wish we could say that for not only our parents but also our aunts and uncles and family friends, but its quite common for age to creap up from an early age, its not nice when it happens but when it DOES, denying it can be dangerous

nobody has said that there is a definitive threshold. I worked with a woman in her 70s who swims for the country and has more energy and sense than the rest of us put together! But it IS a sad reality for a lot of us with parents in their 60s that they are slowing down, just because not EVERYONE does doesn't make our issues less valid or more UR

I'm gobsmacked my the attitudes towards 50 year olds on this thread.

by*

SilkySmith How do you think deaf parents cope?

"SilkySmith How do you think deaf parents cope?"

I've already said down thread more than once that people with disablities which they ACKNOWLEDGE can be great child carers

That's not what I (or others) have issues with, its GPs (or anyone really) who doesn't realise or who denies their limitations, therefore can't sensibly work around those limitations

Silky, do you honestly think that 50 is old?

How old are you are of interest?

Its old for some people. It was old for my parents . Its not old for others, but at 50 their age was starting to affect them.

I am 45 and have (amoung others) a 2 year old.
How ever will I cope when I hit 50?

I did have to spell out my reasons to my DM recently as she was looking to buy a larger house so her GCs could stay over. I had to tell her that she is un-rousable when she sleeps but she had absolutely no idea (and I'm not sure she is convinced!). She thought she was up to the job! I did say that we'ld love for them to spend time round there during the day, we're not saying she can't look after them, we are saying that it won't be over night until they are old enough to get up and out (and hopefully get HER up and out) in an emergency as it won't happen the other way round

Is your reason why DC cannot stay with GP. How do you think deaf people cope if there was a fire or some sort and they have children. Maybe they should all be took off them call SS right now.

in fact a lot of the men in my family have died in their 60s with conditions that typically affect older people, so 50 was near the end of their lives and when the age related conditions that killed them were already affecting them, yes!

"Is your reason why DC cannot stay with GP. How do you think deaf people cope if there was a fire or some sort and they have children. Maybe they should all be took off them call SS right now"

Deaf people can get light or vibration alarms
Someone who doesn't ACKNOWLEDGE that they are deaf won't have that sort of thing in place will they

I won't acknowledge I'm a doddery incapable old fool at 53 either.

50? FIFTY?!?!?!?!

Seriously, most people are NOT decrepit at 50-60. Your parents are pretty darned unusual.

Honestly, I am not even thinking about the overnight stays right now. I am more at those who are completely writing them off as incapable to even push the pram.

No one, unless a disability would make it impossible, is incapable of pushing a pram. For that, common sense is needed, and a pair of working legs and arms. And I am certain that many, if not most, are capable.

It's paranoia at its best. Many will think of too many little reasons just to say no.

50-60 do not tend to just slow down for no good reason. How else do they still manage to work? So that reason as a whole doesn't wash with me and should only stand for a few.

60-70 is more than likely, but even saying that, my Nan was still going very strong and had more energy than me!

Your Mother/in law may be unfortunate enough to have become ill so young, but that can't be said for a big proportion of 50-60 year olds.

On that note, I have to shoot off.

Dp should never have had dc's then. Nothing wakes him up. Ds1 17 is the same.

For most active healthy people 50-60 is not old

I still work full time FFS.

Brandy just a thought, but I expect deaf parents might avail themselves of those smoke alarm especially designed for the deaf? I've read about 'em.

However, purchasing such alarms means acknowledging you need one. As Silky has explained.

I'm not saying YOU are usualsuspect. I am saying that OUR relatives are "too old" for some things are and so are a lot of other people's relatives. It is something we have to consider, it is something other people have to consider, its not something we LIKE having to consider!

Its not to do with a specific age, its is to do with how the individual is aging and it can begin in 50s and 60s for those of us that are unlucky

So can I expect to go suddenly and rapidly towards decrepitude now

Is this the time to remind to you all Silky that I just ran a 10k?

"I am 45 and have (amoung others) a 2 year old.
How ever will I cope when I hit 50?"

But you are also with them everyday & so are used to them.

Anyway, when you´re 50 they´ll be 7 & capable of looking after themselves

Well I don't know any 50 year olds that wouldn't be capable of looking after a child.

Your friends and relatives are most unfortunate to age so early.

"50-60 do not tend to just slow down for no good reason. How else do they still manage to work? So that reason as a whole doesn't wash with me and should only stand for a few.

60-70 is more than likely, but even saying that, my Nan was still going very strong and had more energy than me!"

They're very nice neat little catagories you have there, does it change overnight on the 61st birthday? Age related wear and tear starts at different times for different people, it can start in someones 50s, it can start in someones 70s. Its ridiculous to say that 50 is young or old, its young for some, it's old for some

My mum still worked when even she admitted that she was too old to, she just couldn't retire yet.

< puts in false teeth>