I would like my 3 year old grand-daughter to stay with me for one night, but my daughter in law says NO, AIBU?

[redyam]

I bit of background, this is not me, but I will write as though it is, for a friend.

I sea my grand-daughter every few weeks, we live about 100 miles away from each other. We either go down to my sons house or they come up to stay for the weekend.

We all get on really well, my grand-daughter is delightful, and behaves as good as gold whenever we spend time with her or go out for trips.

I would like to take my 3 year old grand-daughter on an overnight outing nearby. We will take her out for the evening (not late) without the parents, spend the night with her, then bring her back to her parents the next day.

I think it will do her the world of good, give me some quality time with her, and give her parents a night off to do what they want. I'm sure my GD would love it.

However my daughter-in-law says NO! No reason given, to flat out refusal. I'm a little hurt really, as though I can't be trusted with my grand-daughter.

Am I being unreasonable to want to do this, or to feel hurt?

and i think my daughter is a wonderful mummy! really, wonderful. she's a wonderful daughter too. and her husband is a wonderful son in law. i love them all! anyone would. they're adorable, too. :)

PeppermintLatte my DD sees her paternal grandma when shes with her dad and also we pop in at least once a fortnight to have a cuppa. Her son DDs dad is her 9th son and DD is only girl of her 6 brothers and god knows how many boy cousins. DD has not stayed over but then she has only really got to know her in since January when grandma came back from Jamaica to live so not quite the same as grown up and known her since she was a baby. Whenever she asks to have her she gets her and if she asked to have her overnight I would have no problem what so ever. Oh she always sends DD home with chicken and cakes for me I take that a a sign of kindness not control.
My Ds doesnt have grandparents although does go up to London a couple times a year to stay with his auntie since about 2.

I think because they dont have paternal side of family so much it makes me even more grateful how much my mum and nan love having them, my maternal grandma doesnt even remember birthday cards.

You alright there lovebunny?

you sound a tad irked

Oh my DD goes to stay with any of her brothers mums whenever they want or whenever she wants to and usually DS tags along. I really am not precious about my children I know they will always love me best. Its like that saying with the bird in the cage...

i'm a happy bunny...

irked? on mn? i was irked about the old guy stripping his grandaughters off in public so i suppose it does happen. but i'm full of love tonight...

hugs!

You are an odd one.

not odd... the word you seek is 'righteous'. righteous. lovebunny is righteous. and correct. repeat after me... 'lovebunny is correct. lovebunny is correct. lovebunny...'

err ok then

Bloody hell, only read first two and last two pages as can't be arsed with the rest, but why the hell wouldn't anyone JUMP at this chance with a three year old? Perhaps I'm a terrible mother, but my DD has 'slept over' with many family members without us (including a whole week for our honey moon) and I can officially reveal she is ... fine. In fact she loves it. Is spolied. Speaks to us on the phone while we are away to say goodnight, greets us the next day happily.

I could understand 6 months, but at aged 3, with grandparents. Take the opportunity presented!!

LittlePickleHead some people do not like taking the opportunity though they like martyrdom and do not realise there children are suffocated clingy whining brats and cant even wipe their arses without dearest mummy to help them. It makes the darling mummys feel valued and needed.

What a pathetic post brandy - could that chip on your shoulder be any bigger? Bloody hell, some really insecure people out there who just have to attack those who don't want to leave their children with others overnight - you make yourself look foolish and so insecure with that kind of post.

50shadesofslapntickle I would say its more insecure to never allow your child to sleep or eat or be pushed in a pushchair by anyone apart from mummy. I do not have a chip I have very lovely shoulders actually and no martyr wrinkles yet.

there, there...

And it would only of applyed to anyone who needed their children to make them fel value or needed, wouldnt offended anyone unless what I said was true about them.

Inneedofbrandy i think it's lovely how you encourage relationships with all the family. i believe it's how it should be (providing the parent is not taking the piss and expecting family to have them all the time; i actually know a few people who take the absolute piss and expect GP's to have the grandchildren all weekend, every weekend)

PeppermintLatte I don't take the piss my own mum would shout at me!
I really do feel strongly that your children are not your possesions and how wrong it is and controlling to stop them having close relationships with anyone but you.
I did say in a previous post about a third into this thread that even when me and my mum fall out that doesnt reflect on her not being able to see her gc.

How absurd all these posters saying "oh sleepovers aren't a new thing, we used to do it all the time".

Yeah right. 100 miles away?

I don't believe you.

krum don't believe you
Ok then

Hold on. BIG extrapolation there. No sleepover = prevention of close relationship with wider family?

How has that conclusion been reached?

That's cobblers sorry. And even if one is not allowed to push to push a buggy for whatever bizarre reason, that doesn't mean relatives can't be close to family.

Does a close relationship hinge on sleepovers then? I was close to my GPs but only stayed over with my parents once in a while. We erm used the telephone and wrote letters and ppcs (both died in '90's)

Ok.

Given that the grandparents concerned are normal, healthy individuals with no criminal convictions, non smoking,non drinking and with a good relationship with their grandchild.

And given that the grandchild concerned is happy and happy and enthusiastic about the idea.

What possible good reason could there be say no to said grandchild spending one night with its grandparents?

Well, if their anything like my Ils, who have no concept of actually looking after a child, I'd be lucky to come back and find my Dcs haven't unlocked the front door ran off and escaped...
My Ils are physically healthy non-smoking, non-drinking but I still can't trust them.

Just because grandparents think they should look after their grandchildren doesn't mean they can.

Hate this attitude that mothers 'own' every aspect of their child's life, some of you sound so precious about all this - what happens if you get run over by a bus and your PFB has never spent time with anyone else?? As for the mum who would not leave a child with his or her own father - the mind boggles .

Totally agree that 'it takes a village' - actually I lived with my GPs for three days a week whilst my DM worked (she was widowed very young) - and grew up to have a fantastic relationship with my GPs.

I don't own my children, but it is my job to make sure they are well looked after and safe. They have slept over at friends houses, unfortunately my Ils can 't be trusted.
Maybe the OP situation is the same? We'll never actually know.

That's why I said normal. It's perfectly ^nprmal* for an adult human being to be able to look after a child. And it flabbergasts me that so many people become instantly untrustworthy the minute their son has a baby......